


Yes, Fen'harel

by GorillaInTheMist



Series: Yes, Fen'harel [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Actual plot, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguity, Arguing, BDSM, Bittersweet Ending, Car Accidents, Complete, Complicated Relationships, Developing Relationship, Dom/sub Play, Dubious Consent, Emails, F/M, Hiding in Plain Sight, Lies, Manipulation, NSFW, Porn With Plot, Repressed Inquisitor, Revealed secrets, Running Away, Secret Identity, Sharing a Room, Sketchy Inquisition, Solas Smut Saturday, Solas getting his shit together, Some Not Healthy Relationships, Unhappy Ending, Zevran getting lavellan into trouble, Zevran is up for whatever, dom!solas, hidden past, kind of, might become multi chapter, of course there are holiday chapters, sub lavellan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2018-04-23 12:54:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 86,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4877617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GorillaInTheMist/pseuds/GorillaInTheMist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maellana Lavellan just moved to a new city and is alone for the first time. Her old friend, Zevran, wants to show her a night on the town...at a BDSM club of all places. She is chosen by the Dread Wolf to play for the night.</p><p>***Disclaimer: You should only have sex with people you trust. Also, you should do extensive research before making a lifestyle choice (e.g. BDSM). This fic is not a "How to" guide.***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Taken *

 

I, Maellana Lavellan stand there staring at the door. “How did I get myself into this?” I groan dramatically.

“You permitted me to plan our night, _bella donna_. I promise that you will not be disappointed; we can always leave should it not rise to your occasion.” My friend Zevran purrs. I’d known him when we were very young, and he is my only friend in the city…and that’s why I’m here.

I made the mistake of telling him some of the more colorful stories about my sexcapades…which is how I ended up here…with him…at the BDSM club.

Leave it to Zev to find the strangest place for us to go on a Friday night.

Honestly, I’m pretty excited. Who knows what will happen.

We have to wear some sort of mask. Mine is a silver half mask that somewhat resembles a cat. Zev has on a red mask that…well…it’s a plague doctor mask. He looks really sketchy.

“Eluvian” I read the sign out loud. “Don’t tell me this is some sort of themed place.”

He laughs, shaking his head as he starts knocking on the door.

“Password.” A gruff voice demands from a slot in the door.

“ _Fen’harel enansal_.” The elven words roll of his tongue in an amazingly pleasing way.

The door opens and we walk into a low lit bar. Zevran hands the bouncer our negative tests; we had to show we didn’t have any STDs before we would be allowed in. At least they’re thorough. Neon and black lights give a strange sort of sexual glow to the place. We walk up and grab drinks, but I’m mostly silent as there is a lot to take in.  More people than I would expect are there in all sorts of styles of clothes.

I have on a particularly inappropriate outfit for the venue, but maybe there is something of fantasy in it. I mean…I do want to be chosen by one of their Masters. I have on a butter yellow skirt that hits just below my knee, it has a huge bow in the back. The top is a fitted grey tank with a boat neck to show off my collar bones. I wear nude high heels that have a T-strap. My hair is curled with the top section pulled back. I look like the most unassuming person here.

Zevran grabs my right wrist and ties a little neon yellow ribbon around it.

“What’s that for?” I twist the knotted ribbon around, curious.

He ties two ribbons on him: one on his left and one on his right. “They signify the role you’ll play.” I look at him still waiting for an explanation. “Whether you will be a dominant or a submissive. You, my dear, are certainly a submissive.”

“Why do you say that?” I protest, jutting out my hip. I’m an empowered woman!

He strokes my cheek, “Oh honey.”

We have a strange relationship.

Also, let it be known that I’ve never slept with him.

“So, at Eluvian they have a set of Masters, men and women who are the best doms around. Some just do it for fun outside of their jobs; they don’t even get paid. As we all mingle down here, they choose their partners for the night, or however long, should you choose. They’re the ones with the black masks on.”

I whip my head around trying to get a good look at the people around us.

That’s when I see him.

A man with a mask vaguely resembling a wolf is staring at me.

I tilt my head to the side, wondering…Is he interested in _me?_

His piercing blue eyes entrance me from across the room and I can barely look away. He gives me a soft gentle smile….or is it predatory….I don’t really know. The man moves gracefully to another man who looks like some sort of bouncer. The two discuss for a minute, then he disappears through a side door.

I guess I’ll never know.

“What all are you looking for Zev?” I wink.

He makes a thoughtful sound, “We shall see what the night brings. You know how I am up for anything.”

Yes. Yes he is.

Suddenly, there is a hand on my shoulder. A large man with an impressive black beard is touching me. “Pardon me, my lady, but you are desired by Fen’harel. Do you consent?”

I look over to Zevran whose eyes are wide with…jealousy? Surprise? He nods vigorously.

“I….yes.” I say with much less certainty than was probably desired.

The bouncer takes my hand and wraps it around his, escorting me away from my friend and through a side door.

This could be a terrible mistake.

After a few flights of stairs we walk down a hall that is decorated like the woods. Trees are painted everywhere and the basic color scheme is very earthy. Small wolves dot the false landscape.

I wonder who stood and painted all of this. The artistry is remarkable!

We stop at a door in the middle of the hallway. He knocks on the door, before giving me a small bow and releasing my arm. For a random guy, he’s quite the gentleman.

“Enter.” A low muffled voice responds on the other side of the door.

“Have a pleasant time, my lady.” The bouncer opens the door for me and then immediately shuts it.

The lock latches shut.

I spin around and slap my hands on the door. Being locked into a place is not what I had in mind.

“Come, sit.” The smooth baritone requests.

Slowly I turn, resting my back on the door to examine him in safety.

He’s tall, maybe 6’. He wears all black: gloriously tight pants, a tight black t-shirt, and black sport coat. He is not wearing shoes… Even with the mask on, I can tell that he is handsome. He holds himself tall, straight….demanding...dominant.

“It was not a request, _emma’asha_. You have consented to me. You will do as I say.” The words should be concerning, but they fill me with an anticipatory heat.

I walk over to the bench he is standing next to. It’s padded and sort of looks like a workout bench, but it’s almost bed sized….and there are ties at each of the corners.

I sit, crossing my legs demurely and look up at him.

A corner of his lips raises. “Good. What is your name?”

“Mae.” The masked man doesn’t need to know my full name. Who knows who he actually is! “And you are?”

He lets out a small breathy laugh. “You may call me The Dread Wolf. Why are you here, Mae?”

“My friend somehow convinced me to come.” I shrug.

His hand reaches behind him and pulls out a simple black riding crop. He caresses it along my jaw. “No, you came here for a _reason._ I could see your need from across the room.” The soft leather of the crop is feather light, like the touch of a lover.

I let out a happy sigh. “I just moved back here. My fiancé and I….are no longer my fiancé and I…He had a job he couldn’t leave and I wouldn’t give up my own career, so…here I am. Zev told me that this would help.” My hand flies to my mouth. Why did I just tell him all of that?! How is he making me feel so comfortable?

“Good girl.” He smiles. I’m shocked by how not gross he is. He’s gorgeous. “Have you ever had experience with submission before?”

“I…well…I like being spanked…and dirty talk…does that count?” I look around at all of the random implements in the room; each object is stranger than the next. Maybe I’m too much of a pansy for this…

“Yes, good. That is certainly a start.” He appraises me with glittering blue eyes.

The Dread Wolf crouches down so that he is at my eye level and takes my hands in his. “Mae, do you wish to play with me? I will give you what you need, though perhaps not always what you desire. I promise to take care of you and stop at any time should you become uncomfortable.” He is so gentle and smells intoxicatingly of herbs and old books.

I let myself pause to think it through. This is certainly a new experience, but I don’t see it being a bad one. Especially, well first of all, it’s safe. There is security everywhere. Secondly, there’s something about him, something that excites me that makes me say, “Yes.”

“It pleases me that you wish to place your trust in me. It is a precious gift.” He stands, taller now, his hands behind his back. His form is intimidating. “Now, for the rules of our session. You will speak only when spoken to. You will do as I command as quickly as you are able. For example, you will cum only when I say you are allowed to. You will call me one of three things: Dread Wolf, Fen’harel, or Sir. Is that clear?”

“Yes.” I say, averting my eyes.

He slaps the riding crop onto the bench beside me. “Yes, what?”

My face shoots up to look at his. His expression is impassive. “Yes, Dread Wolf.” I say louder.

“ _Emma’asha_ , we must choose a safety word for you. A word that you would not call out during a session for any reason other than you are in some sort of distress. Think on it and tell me when you are certain.” He steps back and puts his hands behind his back again….waiting for me.

I giggle as random words pop through my head: walrus, Keeper, potted plant….then the perfect word comes to me, “Calculus.”

Fen’harel laughs brightly. “Not a fan of the subject, I assume?”

“Not at all.” I smile, happy to have made him pleased.

Weird.

He takes a deep breath and his intimidating body is back. “Undress.” His demand leaves no room for question. I sigh with relief as I step out of my shoes. As each piece of clothing comes off, I feel more vulnerable. “You may remain in your bra and underwear.”

I stand before him in my sheer black lace bra and thong. I’d had them laying around and figured, why not for going to the sexual club. Zevran had even convinced me to get a wax….sometimes I wonder how he gets me to do all of these things…

The Dread Wolf makes a noise deep in his chest. “Despite your sweet as can be exterior, you are a wanton little thing, aren’t you?”

His words bask me in a lustful heat; his voice is a thing of dreams.

I’m shocked out of my blissful state by him advancing within a hand’s reach from me. “You were asked a question.” His eyes are blown wide, angry and lustful.

“Yes, I am.” I let out a shaky breath before hastily adding “Fen’harel”

“That’s a second strike, _emma’asha_ , do you know what happens after a third?” He sounds almost happy about my mess ups.

“No, Fen’harel.”

He raises his hand and caresses my cheek softly. “Then, you will be punished for not following the _very simple_ rules.”

Involuntarily, I let out a little whine. He cradles my head and pulls me in for a searing kiss, our masks colliding uncomfortably.

“Ouch.” I exclaim, but the kiss was promising to be so hot. I want more. “Can I just take this off, Dread Wolf?”

He tisks. “So quickly undone, my girl.” He grabs my hands together with one of his and pulls them to his chest, leaning down to whisper in my ear. “Strike three.”

I whimper in excitement even though I have no idea what comes next.

“Stand still.” He demands, his voice almost a growl.

The Dread Wolf leaves my field of vision. My hands drop to my sides and I just stand...waiting.

There is rustling behind me, then I feel bare chest against my back. It takes all of my willpower to not turn around and see what he looks like, to touch him. He trails caresses along my arms. The man is so close, I can feel the heat of his breath on my neck.

My heart is racing.

In the silence, I’m sure he can hear….

“Good, little one, you are following directions. It is unfortunate that you could not do so earlier.” He grabs around my neck, not hard enough that I can’t breathe or anything, but enough to show his possession of my body. His other arm wraps around my waist, slowly caressing down to the edge of my thong. A muscle in my stomach flutters of its own accord. He chuckles into my ear and continues teasing; his hands touch all of my bare skin, but refuse to press where I want.

He is driving me crazy. My thong is soaked through, the excitement, the anticipation, it’s exactly what I want.

“Are you wet for me?” I feel him ask against the skin of my neck.

My words come out breathy and higher pitched than usual. What is this man doing to me?! “Yes, Fen’harel.”

“Shall I check? You could be lying to me.” He kisses down my skin, sucking at where my neck meets my shoulders.

“Do whatever you want, just don’t stop touching me, please…..Fen’harel.” I gasp.

His hand snakes lower, but instead of sliding underneath my waistband, he pulls the small strip of fabric to the side and sinks a finger into my soaking wet heat. His teeth dig into my body and I gasp, lost in a fog of desire. “You will not design to give me orders, little one. No matter how desperate you are. Your pleasure is mine.”

The pressure of his hand around my neck increases, though it is still a rather pleasant feeling. He removes his finger from inside of me. “Suck it clean.” He cups my chin, resting his finger coated with my juices on the seam of my lips.

Eagerly, I open my mouth and roll my tongue around the digit. I’d never tasted myself before: heady, yet sweet. It is not unappealing, though not exactly what I’m into.

I make a show of my submission to his request, sucking his finger like I want to suck his cock. The analogy is not lost on him. His chest breathes heavier against me.

“Good.” He affirms me, removing his hand from my face. “Stand by the bench with your arms held out together in front of you.”

I saunter over, pleased that I’ve enticed him, and hold my hands out.

He stalks toward me, pulling strip of silk from his pocket. “You are rather proud of yourself, are you not?” His voice does not have the humor from before, in fact, he sounds dangerous.

A wave of lust runs through me.

“I suppose I am, Fen’harel.” I smirk as he starts to tie my wrists together.

He wraps the silk a few times before knotting it, and tugging to ensure the fit. “Does this feel alright?” He looks concerned and gentle for a second.

“Yes, Fen’harel.” I nod, giving him a gentle smile.

“Just why are you so proud of yourself?” His hardened façade is back.

I catch his handsome eyes. “I enjoy knowing that I’ve pleased you.”

The line of his jaw tightens as he clenches his teeth.

What did I do?

He sits on the bench and grabs me roughly with both hands, maneuvering me until I’m laying across his lap with my ass in the air and elbows propping me up near his side. “You will only please me when you follow my rules, little one. Something, which you seem to have a great deal of trouble with. This may be your first session, but you try my patience with your sass.” He growls and lands a hard hit on my bottom.

He is spanking me!

I let out a cry of pain, but it is closely followed by a moan of pleasure.

He hauls off and hits again in a different spot on my skin.

My body jumps off his lap in shock.

He pushes down beneath my shoulder blades, holding me to his lap with his forearm. “You brought this upon yourself; suffer the consequences.” He hisses, spanking me again.

It’s so good.

I feel so powerful even though I’m being dominated. My mother would have a heart attack if she knew.

I lose track of the amount of smacks against my ass, but I can start to feel his cock harden against my stomach. I start to smile, despite my punishment.

My rear is so sensitive, like it’s burning in the most delicious way.

I don’t know what happens, but all of a sudden it feels like he is barely giving me any taps.

Did I do something wrong?

I wiggle my ass higher, silently begging for more.

“Speak.” He demands, reading my signals.

“Why are you stopping, Fen’harel?” I whine.

He chuckles softly, darkly. “Oh, little one, I have not begun to hit you any softer. You’ve simply entered into a different frame of mind. Good.”

“Then, harder, please, Dread Wolf. Please, Sir.” I try to find something to set him off.

I feel his cock twitch against my belly, but there is no other sign that he is affected by my words.

“No. I would not push your boundaries before I know them. It is never my intent to cause you harm.” He caresses softly along my reddened behind. “You are taking your punishment well.” His fingers get closer to my absolutely dripping slit.

I’m so sensitive, so wound up that I almost scream when he slides my thong aside and rubs a circle along my clit. I bury my head against his thigh to stifle my cries.

“No, _emma’asha_ , your pleasure is mine and I wish to hear you.” For emphasis he captures my throbbing bundle of nerves between two fingers and slightly twists. I cry out in ecstasy. “Much better.” It sounds like he is smiling.

He continues circling and squeezing me until I’m on the edge of climax. My body rubs against his lap like I’m a cat in heat.

I want it so bad.

Abruptly, he stops.

I look back at him, eye wide with want, begging silently for him to continue.

He returns to me a sadistic smile and strokes my still stinging backside.

My peak slips away and I almost cry in disappointment.

Surprisingly, or perhaps it shouldn’t be a surprise, he slowly breaches my throbbing cunt with two fingers. They easily slip inside of me. I am the little wanton thing he thinks I am.

His arm on my back presses down harder, forcing my ass up higher. His fingers form perfectly inside of me to press against my most sensitive spot. He twists and beckons inside of me.

I ball my fists and fill the room with my moans, I hope that the sounds please him as well.

My muscles start to clamp down around him as my imminent climax returns just as I start to crest the wave he rips his hand away from me and slaps my ass harder than he had been. “You do not cum until I permit you to!” He growls, throwing me off his lap and back onto my knees on the bench.

It’s difficult to catch my breath after being so close for so long and denied both times.

He stands up, clearly angered by my almost disobedience…Had he not stopped I would have certainly came. His hands undo his belt with a calmness that I would be unable to have at this point. Then, he unbuttons and unzips his pants, allowing them to fall to the ground. He is not wearing any underwear.

As if I could get wetter…..  

The Dread Wolf steps out of his pants and stands with his back against a low cabinet in all his naked glory. His body is defined, but lithe. He has some freckles dotting all of his skin, which is honestly adorable.

And his cock….is larger than I would expect for a man his size. I mean, he is tall, and broad of shoulder, but his waist is so trim.

I lick my lips.

He smirks with cold eyes. “Suck me.”

I dart off of the bench and kneel in front of him. My hands are still tied together, which is actually amazingly sexy.

He is already rigid, pre cum beginning to leak from his tip.

I steady his base with my bound hands and place a short, testing lick around his head.

He groans, his hands grasping the counter behind him.

Good.

Next, I lick the underside of him, slowly tracing from his base to his head.

“All of it.” He commands.

Eagerly, I wrap my lips around him, taking as much as I can into my mouth. I swirl my tongue along him as I bob my head up and down his glorious length.

I want to feel him inside of me.

He wraps his fingers in my hair and starts to control my movement, forcing me to take him deeper.

My gag reflex is not into this the same way the rest of my body is, making me gag around him.

He pulls himself away from my throat, but keeps himself inside my mouth. “Another thing we shall have to train.” He smirks.

I moan around him, picking up my pace as he permits me to move on my own. The thought of more sessions with him, more training, makes me amazingly aroused.

His breath is coming faster now, almost panting.  

“Enough.” He demands, his voice lower than before. “Hands on the bench, ass toward me.”

I let him out of my mouth with an obscene pop, and rise up to bend over, bracing myself on the bench.

He follows closely behind me.

As soon as I’m settled, he unhooks my bra, allowing it to fall along my wrists, and pulls my thong down so that it rests around my ankles.

His hands wrap around to tease at my hardened nipples. The warmth of his hands is by far more pleasing than the lace they had been rubbing against. His wet, throbbing, member slides along my folds. “Good girl. Now, I’m going to fuck you.”

My arms almost collapse under me. This is the promise I have wanted from him. I am almost unreasonably excited.

“Spread your legs.” He pinches down on my nipples, making me scream.

I step out of my thong and separate my legs for him.

No sooner are my feet settled on the ground is he driving himself inside of me. He hilts himself with a single thrust. I’ve been ready for him for most likely hours now.

He moans into my neck, wrapping an arm around my waist to keep me still. “You like this, don’t you, little whore.”

I gasp as he thrusts deeply inside of me. “Yes, I like this so much, Fen’harel.”

He manages to almost pull all the way out of me each time before thrusting as far as he possibly can. I’m so stretched that with each slam of his hips, he presses against my still engorged clit.

His chest presses against me, his lips kissing along my shoulders as we pant and moan against one another.  

My climax starts to build again, but hold myself back. I don’t want him to stop. I want this so badly.

It’s as if he knows my struggle in the way that my body feels around him. He slides his hand down to circle my clit and a scream tears from my lips.

I pull on every bit of control I have. I bite my cheek, I scream, but I don’t allow myself to cum.

“You’re being so good, little one.” His voice is amazingly steady for how he is riding me. “Cum for me.”

At his command, I let go of the dam that I’ve been keeping the pleasure back with. “Fuck! Fen’harel! Yes!” I scream, almost crying as I release around him. I see stars and the sound of the world fades away except for his labored breath.

He keeps his thrusts steady as I ride out my wave of pleasure.

His hand returns to my clit and rubs tight circles, quickly rising my climax again. “That was so beautiful, I wish to hear it again.”

I’ve never cum again so quickly. He angles himself inside of me so that he presses harder against my walls and twists my sensitive bundle in the most skillful way possible.

I’m actually crying this time. Tears running down my face as I bask in the euphoria of release.

His grasp on my hip tightens as his thrusts stutter, spilling himself inside of me. The feeling of him throbbing his orgasm almost takes me over the edge again.  

The Dread Wolf pulls himself from me and sits on the bench beside where I stand, crying. He grabs around my waist and pulls me into his lap. I nuzzle into the crook of his neck as he cuts the silk tie from my hands with a little knife that was hidden somewhere on the side of the bench. “Hush, little one. I’m here. It’s alright.” He cocoons me in his arms as I let out all the hurt I’d been keeping in for the past few weeks. “Tell me.”

I let out a broken breath. “I’m so scared. I’ve never been alone before. First, it was my parents, then Cullen, and now….It’s just me. I don’t know what to do. No one wants me.” I break back into tears.

Fen’harel strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. “You are beautiful and kind. Anyone who shunned you is a fool in the worst sort of way. You are a strong woman. You will thrive against this challenge, _emma’asha_.”

His praise is like a weight lifted off of my heart. “How do you know that?” I sound amazingly pitiful.

“I can read you. That is my responsibility as your dom, to know you and what you need.” He dots soft touches along my still sensitive skin, calming me with his tenderness.

“Thank you.” I mumble against his neck.

He holds me closer. “Thank you for the gift of your trust and submission, Mae.”

I must fall asleep against him, because the next thing I know, I’m wearing a silk robe under the covers of an extremely comfortable bed.

I sit up and try to adjust. The colors are the same as the hall and the playroom, so I must still be in Fen’harel’s wing. I take off my mask. I can’t believe I kept it on the whole time.

He comes into the room with a tray carrying a glass of water and some food.

He’s still wearing his wolf mask. “You should not walk around unmasked.” He sets the tray on a side table and sits on the edge of the bed.

I shrug. “I’m not walking around, am I? Besides, I don’t particularly care if you see all of my face…you’ve seen the rest of me.” I laugh.

He smiles. “Yes, I have. Thank you.”

“Is this your room?” I ask, admiring his eyes again.

“Yes, though I do have my own home, mind you. I am not always The Dread Wolf. They give us wings here where we can play in peace.” He runs a hand along my cheek. “You are so beautiful.” I blush and avert my eyes from his admiring gaze. “Ah, that makes you uncomfortable. I shall have to tell you more often.”

He holds out the glass of water to me. “Drink.”

I obey without thinking.

His eyes sparkle with approval.

“What happens now?” I look intently at the water and not him.

He lifts his hand to my chin and makes me meet his eyes. “Now, you may simply rejoin your normal life.” I frown. “But, I wish to still have you as my own, Mae. We would sit and come up with our own contract where we decide how and when I dominate you and your choices. I would like to help you with this transition.”

I blink a few times. I can’t believe he _wants_ this….me…wants _me._

“Yes.” I say quickly.

He chuckles brightly. “So eager, _emma’asha_. Take some time and think about what that means for you. If you recall, I give you what you need, not what you want; that could mean a bed time, no more nights out on the town.”

I laugh at how ridiculous that sounds. “Seriously?”

“Yes.” There is no more humor in him. “You must take care of yourself. If you give yourself to me, I will ensure that you do.” He stands and points to the pile of my neatly folded clothes on the edge of the bed. “My bouncer, Blackwall, retrieved your friend once his session was completed. He awaits you in the hall. You should dress and return to him. Think on what I have said; I am serious about my offer. My email is in the pocket of your skirt, let me know your answer.” He leans down and kisses me softly. “I hope to hear from you soon.”

I dress and hold his email in my palm: dreadwolf@eluvian.net.

Zevran is in the hall, as promised. “Oh, my friend, you were taken by the best! Everyone hopes that the Dread Wolf will take them! How was he?” He is so excited for me…for the inside scoop.

“He was….fantastic….” Zev doesn’t need to know the details of our session. “Um…he said he wants me to be his…like with a contract and everything.”

Zev stops walking and spins to look me up and down. “The Dread Wolf does not take slaves. Never has.”

“He never said I’d be a slave…he just said he would take care of me.” I shrug, trying not to be concerned.

My friend whistles and puts his arm around my waist as we walk to the car. “For my sake, I hope you say yes. I am most excited to know what exactly that means.”

“Me too….”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Happy Solas Smut Saturday!!! 
> 
> I hope that you liked it! I (of course) have a ton of ideas for this, so if you guys really like it I might continue...if you don't we can just pretend this never happened. haha
> 
> Kitsaria is my hero! Thank you for beta-ing this chapter!!!! <3


	2. Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy that you guys like this!!! So, I'm writing more!
> 
> Heads up for those all in for the smut, the next two chapters are wholly exposition (setting up who she is and the mechanics of their relationship). I'll start to mark smut chapters with * by their titles so that they're easily recognizable.

Home is now a little apartment near the university. It’s sort of small, but I’m the only occupant, so it’s not a problem. Honestly, it’s nice not having so many rooms. I never knew what to do with so much space, hell and even after 5 years of living in Skyhold, I still would get lost.

On Monday, I’ll start my post-doctoral position at the University of Ferelden. Basically, it’s just being a research assistant to a Dr. Pavus.

I’ve kept the note with the email within arm’s reach for the past two days. I’m still toying with the idea.

Don’t get me wrong, I greatly enjoyed my time with Fen’harel, but to have someone control parts of my life…even if it’s for my own benefit….?

I’m a strong and independent woman; I wouldn’t have gotten through graduate work while working if I were weak...Does it make me weak to submit?

There’s a knock on the door.

It could only be one person.

“Good morning, Zevran.” I say in a sing-song tone as I open the door to my peculiar friend.

“Good morning to you, _carina_.” He moves fluidly into my space, giving me a kiss on each cheek before sitting on my kitchen counter.

“There are plenty of chairs in here, you know.” I make a show of being annoyed, but am having a difficult time hiding my smile.

He swings his dangling legs, “Ah, yes, but I wish to be close to the action when you cook me brunch.”

“Who said anything about…”

“So, what will we be having?” He purrs hopping down from the table and going to open the fridge, which is all but empty. Zevran frowns. “Did you forget that people must eat to survive?”

I cover my eyes with my hand and sigh. “I know, I’ve just been so busy getting ready for semester, and the move, and….being lazy….”

“Well, it is your lucky day. I will take us out for brunch. I know this beautiful little bistro down the road.”

I have no idea what Zevran does for a living. None. If I had to put money on it I’d bet it was something not particularly on the up and up. Honestly, I’m afraid to ask.

Too late, I notice that his attention has been grabbed by the blinking light on my answering machine. “So popular, my friend. Or perhaps….” He presses the button to play the messages.

“Zevran! No!” I shout, running over to the machine, but nothing will stop it from playing at this point aside from pulling it out of the wall.

_Three new messages._

_First Message: Friday, 8:23pm_

_Hi, Mae…it’s me….I’m starting to get worried. Will you call me back, please?_.... I slam my hand down on the large button.

_Message deleted._

_Second Message: Saturday, 11:00am_

_Mae! Answer your damn phone!_

_Message deleted_

_Third Message: Sunday, 8:00am_

_Mae, darling, please….just please…._

_Message deleted_

Zevran looks up at me with an eyebrow raised, expecting an answer.

“Look, Zev….Don’t.” I can’t even form sentences.

He sighs and pulls me into a tight, friendly, hug. “Oh my friend, you’ll have to deal with this at some point. Whenever that is, I’m here for you.” He leans back and bops my nose. “There’s someone else who wants to help you, yes? Perhaps, you should take him up on his offer. You can always back out if it’s not working.”

I look over at my computer, then back to Zev and nod. “Can you give me a minute before we go?”

“Of course.”

I sit down at my laptop and let out a shaky breath. I have no idea what to write. So, I decide to make it simple.

_Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net._

_Subject: (no subject)_

_Yes._

_\- Mae_

 Zevran was right, the bistro was fantastic. I’m not excited to be home alone again, but I need to get ready for work tomorrow.

An email awaits me.

_Recipient: maelav@chantry.org_

_Subject: Simplicity_

_“Yes.” Is all you have to say about our arrangement? You fascinate me, Mae. I suppose I’ll have to get your reasons out of you some other way. Please see the forms attached, they are examples of contracts and materials that you will need to comply with my rules. We should set a time to meet and formalize our boundaries. Your contact information is through the Chantry?_

_Furthermore, your response should have read, “Yes, Fen’harel.” Shall I begin counting your strikes again?_

_\- The Dread Wolf_

Just reading his message sends waves of excitement through me.

Maybe this isn’t such a bad idea. Zevran was right when he said that I could leave whenever I wanted if things weren’t working out between Fen’harel and me.

I open the attachments to see the most insane set of documents I’ve ever seen.

“Diet plan. Exercise plan. Nutrition journal. To-do list. Contract example.” I mumble to myself as I open all of the forms. “What is he, my doctor?”

It all seems easy enough….sort of silly, but easy. I won’t really know what is going on until I meet with him.

_Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net_

_Subject: Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. –Da Vinci_

_Strange set of documents you have here, Dread Wolf. Yes, I worked for the Chantry before my move. It’s a long story._

_I’m free tonight._

_-Mae_

Within the hour my email bings again.

_Recipient: maelav@chantry.com_

_Subject: Clever._

_Tonight I am otherwise occupied. I will tell you when to come to me. Remember Mae, It is I who makes the decisions._

_-Fen’harel_

The game is just beginning. I giggle to myself and walk to make some tea.

The phone rings. I freeze pressing myself against the wall and letting it go to the machine.

_Mae, I know you’re there. It’s 5pm the night before you start work, you’re probably making some tea and getting everything together for the morning._ He sighs. _I miss you._ A long pause. _Work is going well, Cassandra was right, I am enjoying it now that everything..._ Another pause. _I just wanted to wish you luck before your first day. I love you._ Click.

My heart bottoms out and I slowly sink down the wall and pull my knees to my chest. It’s so hard to not have him with me. To not have that person to talk to at the end of the day. I just couldn’t be what he wanted. Neither of us would have been happy in the long run.

“You can do this.” I tell myself, steeling away the emotions.

I press the delete button on the answering machine and continue back to make some tea like nothing had happened.

* * *

At 8am the next morning, I walk into the World Histories and Cultures building, ready to start my new job.

I knock on the door frame where a handsome man in his mid-thirties is sitting talking to another attractive man who looks like he’s in his late thirties and a stunning woman somewhere between their ages as well.

“Dr. Pavus?” I say hesitantly.

The younger of the two men looks at me and flashes a brilliant smile. He has short black hair and an amazingly impressive moustache. Clearly, he has an eye for style, dressed in brown pants, a warm colored checked button up, and a grey suit jacket. His shoes are a grey suede. I wonder how someone who studies death possibly has the money to dress like this. When I finally meet his eyes, I realize they’re grey too.

I’m going to like him.

“Dr. Lavellan?” He asks with the most charming accent.

I allow myself to smile broadly. “Yes, it’s nice to finally meet you, and please, just call me Mae.”

Dr. Pavus stands from leaning against his desk and comes to stand by me. “Dr. De Fer, Dr. Revas, this is my postdoc that I was telling you about, Maellana Lavellan. She’ll be with us for the entirety of the year, and is why you cannot have dominion over the office next to yours. Mae will be moving in.” He takes my hand to shake it, but instead kisses my knuckles with a little bow. “And Dorian will be just fine.”

I can’t help, but giggle.

The woman waves her hand in dismissal of something. “Vivienne, please. Your outfit is absolutely divine, darling. It’s good that someone other than Dorian and me has an appreciation for fashion.” She looks insanely intimidating; a tight grey power suit with a pencil skirt and high heels that probably make her taller than the two men in the room, which is a feat considering Dorian is at least 6’.

I slide my hands down my skirt as if there are wrinkles in it. It’s the same outfit that I wore Friday night, except I have on a white and black button up blouse with it. “Oh thank you, I actually sewed the skirt myself.”

“A woman of many talents, I knew I picked the right one.” Dorian looks at Vivienne with an air of victory.

“Welcome to the department.” The final man greets me. He is about Dorian’s height, but completely bald and rather pale. His eyes are gorgeous, a steely blue. I guess I have a lucky streak this week for finding people with attractive eyes. “If introductions are to be made, I am Solas.” His voice is melodic and calm. Honestly, he doesn’t look all that unfashionable. I mean certainly not right off the runway, but still fine. He has on dark green slacks and a cream cardigan with a black button up beneath it.

“Thank you, Solas.” I nod in greeting. Something about him makes my heart flutter.

Dorian piles up my desk with enough books to fill a library, and instructs me to “Get to reading.”

“Solas!” Dorian yells.

The sound of something large hurling through the air causes me concern. “What the hell?” I mumble and walk to my door.

“Thank you.” Solas responds calmly. A pause, then, “Ah, I meant to share this one with you.”

A book comes flying from Solas’s office next to mine, into Dorian’s across the hall.

Dorian catches the book as if it were a child’s ball. “Wonderful! I was hoping to read this!”

I frown. “You realize that you could knock someone out with those?”

“Oh! Mae I forgot you were here. So unassuming. Get us some coffee, dear.” My boss waves an infuriatingly relaxed hand at me.

I put my hands on my hips, “Who taught _you_ manners, Dr. Pavus?”

“Feisty, are you?” Dorian laughs with a surprising joy.

Solas’ head pops out from the edge of his doorframe. “Pay no attention to the man, you know how Tevinters are.”

I wink. “Yes, I certainly do.” I turn back to Dorian and tilt my hip out to the side. “So, what is the magic word?”

He laughs again. “Oh, this is going to be fun. Most beautiful Dr. Lavellan, would you grace us with the presence of coffee, please?” He finishes the request with an overly exaggerated bow.

“That’s more like it.” I nod and make my way to the café down in the basement.

How I went from my last job to fetching coffee for eccentric academics I’ll never know.

My coffee is downed almost as soon as I get back to my desk; there’s nothing like a minor, social acceptable, addiction.

“Mae?” Solas’ attractive voice pulls my nose from the book I’m currently taking notes on. “It’s almost 4, we will all be heading out soon.” He pauses and looks at my desk, thinking, and then his brows furrow. “Did you eat today?”

I can’t believe it’s already 4. Time flies when you’re reading heavy theoretical material. “Oh, I guess I didn’t….sometimes I just forget to eat.”

“You forget to eat.” He repeats my words slowly, but with a touch of disbelief. “How?’

I shrug. “It’s not a big deal; I used to forget to eat all the time. I mean, I sort of started to get hungry at 2, but I would be leaving at 4, so why not just wait till I get home?”

He stares at me like he’s trying to reach deep into my soul. Then, out of nowhere, he clicks back into being somewhat playful. “You’ll make yourself sick, and then who will Dorian have do reviews for him?”

I laugh brightly. “I suppose our dear Dr. Pavus will just have to manage, should I suddenly make myself sick.” I start closing my books up and gathering my things into my bag.

“Where did you park?” He asks.

“North lot.” I answer slowly, concerned about his motivations.

His smile gets a bit bigger. “Me as well, I shall wait for you and we can traverse the campus together.”

It’s still early in the fall, so it’s completely light outside when we escape the building.

“How did you come to be with us?” Solas is attempting to make small talk with me.

I’d really rather not talk about myself. “I decided for a change of career, and Dorian’s work is fascinating.”

“You seem rather young for a change of career, Mae.” The confusion is clear in his voice.

“Yes, I suppose so. I’m 26, but was in accelerated programs while I was working. I decided that my job was no longer a good fit. Now, I’m here.” No outright lies, I just skimped on the details. “What about you?”

“I’m from the North. There was very little to entertain a boy my age while growing up. I took to reading, to histories, and other peoples. It was an escape that became passion, and a passion that became my life.” His voice and words are almost like a constant song.

“That’s beautiful, Solas.”

“Why, thank you.” We stop at the edge of the paved lot. “It seems that we have reached our destination. I suppose I will see you in the morning.”

“Yes. Till tomorrow.”

Home is uneventful, until my email alert goes off. I run to my laptop, tingles of excitement, hoping that it is him.

_Recipient: maelav@chantry.com_

_Subject: Time_

_Tomorrow. 8pm. You know where to find me._

_-Fen’harel_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Weekend! 
> 
> I hope that you guys liked this chapter! <3 
> 
> Random behind the scenes look: Mr. Gorilla is my beta and when he read that Mae didn't know what Zevran did, he imaged that he's actually Barney. I was like....that is unlikely.


	3. Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Six_Lily_Petals for being my Beta! If you haven't checked out her stuff, you really should! I'm a huge fan. <3

Part of me can’t believe that I’m doing this, but I won’t let myself back down now.

Work went by way too slowly. All I could think about was this. Was him.

Blackwall opens the door to Eluvian after I knock once. “Ah, Lady Mae, The Dread Wolf is waiting for you.” The man has a very nice smile underneath all of that hair.

“Oh. Thank you.” I don’t really know how to respond to that.

He holds out his arm for me again so that he can escort me back up the stairs to Fen’harel’s wing. This time he leads me to a different door, and knocks.

“Enter.” A muffled voice calls.

“Have a pleasant evening, My Lady.” Blackwall smiles as he opens the door for me, then promptly locks it again.

“Is that really necessary?” I look at the bolted door.

“Come, sit.” Fen’harel says calmly, ignoring my protestations.

So, it begins.

I finally look at the room; it’s a kitchen. He’s sitting at the table with a file folder and wine glasses. Harmless enough, so I sit across from him. “How nice of you to finally meet me, Fen’harel.” I raise my eyebrow. I’m not used to being kept waiting. He is in the wolf mask from the other day again along with a black button up, black pants, and no shoes, however he seems more casual; his sleeves are rolled up a bit and the top buttons are undone. I left my mask at home.

“You needed time to solidify your choice. I simply gave you the time to back out.” He shrugs and swirls his wine.

“I prefer white wine.” I swirl around the red liquid in the stemless glass.

He takes a sip. “Red has more health benefits. If you drink any, it will be a red.”

With that, he opens up his file and places in front of me copies of the papers. The last item he sets down is a pencil. “Read through the documents and make changes where you see fit.”

Some of the sheets are the same ones that he sent me in the email earlier in the week. A diet plan, exercise plan, and nutrition journal. “You’re rather insistent about three meals and two snacks a day. I have not had such scheduled eating since I was an infant.”

“It is no fault of mine that you do not understand how to sustain your body, but I will remedy that problem. It is non-negotiable.”

I sigh, but make a star on the paper to show it’s fine. It’s basically telling me to eat good things five times a day and avoid bad things. “You know I have a job, right? Who has time for this crap?”

“People who wish to live long, healthy lives.” His fist clenches. “You are being permitted to speak freely, but mind your tone. I will not permit being sassed.”

I roll my eyes, but grab the exercise sheet. It has one sentence on it. “You’re providing me with a personal trainer?”

“Yes, as you said, you are a busy woman. A trainer will relieve some of the stress of forcing yourself to the gym. He has a private location near your workplace.”

I feel like panicking “How do you know where I work?”

“I would not simply take someone to be my own without knowing more about them. It was a matter of a cursory search.”

My stomach drops. “What else do you know?!” I slam my hand on the table, shaking the glasses. How can he know? Nothing should show up in any readily available records. I’ll never escape them. What if he is one of theirs?

Despite his mask, I can see that he is frowning. “Nothing quite out of the ordinary…why?”

“I don’t want to discuss it.” I clam up, just like I’d been taught to. The man doesn’t show any sign of duplicity; He is not a spy, at least not one of Leliana’s. I am safe for now.

“Mae, is there something that you need to talk about?” He sounds legitimately concerned, but I can’t.

I don’t want to talk about it. It don’t want the past to follow me anymore. “Calculus.” I say firmly, avoiding his eyes.

He takes in a breath. “Oh. I am sorry.”

“The past is past for a reason, Dread Wolf.” I run a hand through my hair. “Can we just continue?”

“Of course.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. “I will never push you into anything you do not wish to do, Mae, that includes things like this. I hope that eventually you will trust me enough to share your pain.”

The sudden tenderness is jarring. He has the most caring eyes. I nod and smile softly. “Thank you.”

We just sit quietly with my hand in his until I’m actually ready to continue the negotiations.

The last sheet of paper has ‘Contract’ written in large letters at the top of the page. So, I guess this is the big one.

“Along with these things, I need to know other bits of information to help with our interactions.” I nod for him to continue. “Do you have any medical conditions that I should know about?”

“No.” I think about all of my injuries from my past job. “Well, maybe. Past physical trauma, but nothing that bothers me.”

He looks at me intensely. “You will inform me if there are any changes.”

“Yes, Fen’harel.”

“Do you have any emotional trauma? Past abuse, things like that, which may be triggered by play, such as being immobilized or spanked with an object?” He sounds gentle, and concerned. My outburst from earlier probably didn’t help.

“I’d prefer to not be completely immobilized, but really as long as my skin can breathe, I’ll be fine.” I shrug. It is better to be safe than sorry.

He makes some notes on his version of the contract. “What about hard and soft limits? Things you are not comfortable with or things you are unsure of.”

I pause for a few seconds and try to remember what I know about BDSM. “I’m really not familiar with everything this entails. Um, I don’t think I’m into caning: hard no on that. I’d also prefer that no bruises or anything be where clothes cannot hide them. I mean, I work with really accepting people, but I’d rather not have to explain.”

“Noted.” He chuckles softly for a few moments; I am not sure what I said to set him off. “I will make sure these are added to the list that is already laid out.”

I finally read the text packed paper. It is certainly detailed. “I’m not quite sure how I feel about having a relationship based on a contract.” I muse as I skim the sheets.

“Yes, it seems rather constricting. I do not wish to _own_ you or your entire life. I do, however, wish to help you adjust to your new circumstances and that requires commitment. These parameters will protect both of us.” He rolls his pencil around between his long, dexterous fingers. “This relationship is built on honesty and trust and if _one_ of those things fails, the entire relationship is at risk of failure.”

The rules are as follows:

1\.  I will always be honest and respectful to Fen’harel. Even when I think He’s in the wrong, I will be _respectful_ in my tone, actions and mannerisms. Questioning will not be taken as disobedience if done honestly.

2\. I am always in submission to my Fen’harel whether He is present or not, ready to please Him at any time, in any place, under any circumstances. If he gives me a taskto be done outside of the session, I am to comply.

3\. I am allowed to make friends with whomever I choose, so long as that friendship is not toxic. If my friendship with someone changes my behaviors for the worse, then Fen’harel may tell me to either limit my time with that person, or cut them out altogether.

4\. To receive pleasure I must earn it. I am granted to cum as I please in most circumstances, but I am to ask for permission if Fen’harel is there with me.

5\. I trust Fen’harel. I trust his skill, his concern for my safety, my emotional, psychological, social, sexual and physical health. If at any point I find that I do not trust Fen’harel in any of these areas, I am to bring my concerns to Him.

6\. I will confess any transgressions I may have made to Fen’harel and He will decide if such violations require punishment. I must accept whatever decision he makes.

7\. My health is important to Fen’harel. I am to make regular doctor and dentist appointments to ensure that I stay in the best health possible.

8\. I will begin readying myself for bed at 11pm on work nights and 1am on weekends. If I am in the presence of Fen’harel, these times may change.

9\. I will follow the nutrition plan as outlined by Fen’harel. This includes keeping a journal of all the things I take into my body during the day.

10\. I will see trainer five days a week, unless otherwise stated by Fen’harel.

11\. I will complete my daily online to-do list. Fen’harel will lay out a set of tasks for me to accomplish that will be visible to both parties. I am to check off each task as I complete it so that both of us recognize my progress.

12\. It is acceptable for me to not be in the mood for sex. Fen’harel will never push me to have sex when I don’t want to, or force Himself on me.

13\. My body is His to do with as he pleases. My orgasms are under His control. I will ask for permission to orgasm and respect Fen’harel’s decision.

14\. I am not permitted to masturbate without permission from Fen’harel

15\.  I will make eye contact with Fen’harel when speaking or when Fen’harel speaks to me, for my eyes are a gift to Fen’harel. He will respect me as I respect him.

16\. I will work on building up my tolerances to the level Fen’harel needs me to have, being careful not to push myself further or faster than I am ready to endure for Him, so that I may be able to expand my limitations. I am aware that Fen’harel will gradually challenge and push my limits, but only in specified sessions and after discussing with me exactly what is to happen.

“Sounds fair enough.” I notice something missing in whatever this relationship is. “What about sex?”

His body freezes for a second. I’ve clearly caught him off guard. “Excuse me?”

“There is nothing in here about the two of us just enjoying each other’s company simply because we want to.” I tap the table with my pencil.

“You’d wish to be with me outside of sessions together?” He seems a little confused by the idea.

“It wasn’t like I _didn’t_ enjoy having sex with you, Fen’harel. If you are amenable, it is something I’d like included.” I’m using my negotiator voice, calm, but demanding.

Fen’harel looks around the room, avoiding my eyes. “I am not sure that is the best idea.”

“I drive a hard bargain.” I pause and raise my eyebrow. “Are you worried about mixing business and pleasure, Dread Wolf? Perhaps afraid that you won’t be able to resist me?”

“I assure you _that_ is not my fear.” He quickly jots down something on his sheet and then passes it over to me. Notably, he doesn’t explain what his fear actually is.  

17\. I may at any time offer my body to Fen’harel in the hope that he will take pleasure in joining with me. Fen’harel may also proposition me outside of a session in the hope that I will be pleased to have his attentions.

18\. Fen’harel and I are sexually exclusive. I will notify Fen’harel if I wish for this to change and new rules will be added.

“You want to be in an exclusive sexual relationship?” I deadpan. “Isn’t this your thing?” I gesture around the room, which is actually not getting my point across considering that we are in a perfectly mundane kitchen.

He bristlesas though I’ve insulted him. “I assure you that I have a great amount of self-control. It was already my intent to end my open sessions in favor of you, however, I did not expect to hold you to the same standard.” Slowly, he relaxes back down. “If we wish to participate in sex recreationally, it would be less complicated if said activities were only between us.”

“I see.” It’s not as if I’ll be sleeping with anyone else anytime soon. “I agree with the additions.”

Fen’harel nods. “I will include them, thank you.”

We sit in silence.

“So, now what?” I do my best not to wring my hands together nervously, an awful habit I’ve been trying to break for a number of years.

He stands up and moves around the table to crouch in front of me, taking my hands in his. “This weekend, you will stay with me here. We will begin to better understand one another, our likes and dislikes. I know what you _need_ , but I wish to know who you _are_. Will you consent?”

For a man who is going to try to fix the damage done to me over the past few years with some paddles and his dick, he is extremely kind. The way his eyes shine makes my heart flutter, not in the way his demanding sex did, but rather, sweetly. “Yes, I consent, Fen’harel.”

His thumbs gently caress over my skin and he smiles softly. “Thank you. When you get off work, you will go home and pack a bag for the weekend. Blackwall will retrieve you at 6pm and bring you here; I would rather not have you worrying about driving. I will have the finalized contract for us to sign as well. Then, we will begin.”

I giggle, excited, for what is to come.

He helps me to rise to my feet, our bodies are close. I can’t help but be tempted. “Yes.” I caress along his naked jaw before raising up on my toes to brush a kiss to his lips. Fen’harel freezes, clearly surprised by my advance. I feel like I’ve made a mistake as I pull back from him and make to turn away.

The opposite is the case. He chuckles happily and grabs me around the waist, pulling me into a more passionate kiss. He dips me back a bit, supporting me with his strengthened body as he caringly claims my lips as his. I am breathless when he finally parts from me. “Yes.” He repeats, his lips brushing the words against my forehead.

There’s a knock at the door. “Sir, you wished for me to announce when it was ten.”

“Thank you, Blackwall.” Fen’harel calls to the door.

He cups my chin in his hand and kisses me once more before he walks with me to the door. “I will see you Friday night.” He opens the door and smirks. “Oh, Mae, the rules begin immediately. We shall see how you perform. Bed at eleven.”

I simply glare as he closes me out in the hall with the bouncer, who laughs merrily. “I suppose I’ll see you Friday, Mr. Blackwall.”

He continues laughing. “Indeed you will.” He offers me his arm again to escort me. “I think he likes you, Lady Mae.”

“I certainly hope so, because if not, this is a really awful mistake.” I mumble, rolling my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're still enjoying! <3 Thank you for reading!!! 
> 
> Next time: Friday.


	4. Letters *

Friday evening cannot come soon enough. Honestly, compared to the Inquisition, this job is amazingly clam and mundane. All that is required of me is reading.

The rules are hit and miss; I have yet to make it to the gym. The thought of punishment makes my heart race with thoughts of the previous session.

All thoughts of sex are awkwardly put on hold when, “Mail for you, newbie.” A grating female voice yells down the hall. Sera, our administrative assistant, was not at work the first day I started. She has since made her presence exceedingly well known to me.

I’m not quite sure what to make of her. She seems harmless enough, albeit I’ve been wrong about things before. “I’m in my office, Sera!”

She rounds the corner and leans against my door with a knowing smile. “Got, some fancy stuff for you.”

The pile of envelopes she tosses onto my desk are covered in diplomatic stamps: Fereldan, Orlais, and the Inquisition. My heart drops into my stomach.  I can’t believe that they all found me so quickly. I didn’t quite go into hiding, but did disappear without much extra warning.

I knock my chair to the floor as I run to the door, pull Sera inside, and then slam the door shut behind us. “Please, Sera,” I beg. “Please tell me that no one else has seen these.”

Sera starts to giggle. “The look on your face!”

“Sera?” I feel like I’m going to throw up.

“I didn’t show nobody. You’re one of the good ones!” She smiles broadly and punches my shoulder in emphasis.

Nothing that is going on right now makes sense to me. I’m one of the good ones? She must know something. “I don’t understand.”

“You know, Red Jenny, right?” She nods enthusiastically as she mentions the name of my assistant back at Skyhold. I nod with must less enthusiasm. “Jenny’s my cousin! I know all about you, _Herald_.”

I’m going to pass out. My eyes are twice their normal size. “What….What did you call me?”

She blows a raspberry. “Psh. Don’t play, Quizzy. I knew you before I saw you. Red told me you was comin’ here. Told me the raw deal you got from those people.” She winks, “Sera’s got your back.”

“Sera, I don’t know what to say.” I sit back on my desk, completely dumbfounded. “I…thank you…”

My assistant and new found ally walks and picks up the mail that she had just thrown on my workspace, then she promptly tosses it into the shredder. “Good riddance. Awful things. You look better this way, if I do say so myself.” She focuses in on my face and then whistles. “They made you wear contacts?! Bet you were forced to marry that Commander guy. Red said he was okay, but not too bright, that one.”

Poor Cullen. “No…I…wasn’t forced. We…I thought it was the one real thing, but….” I really did love him. I still love him in some ways. Nothing ever goes the way you plan.

She frowns. “Not worth it.” Then she quickly smiles again. “But the contacts?”

“Yes. The hair was dyed the white blonde and the contacts were blue. They thought I’d make for much prettier pictures, especially after my romance became part of the propaganda.” I sigh and run a hand through my dark locks. I wasn’t pretty or pure enough for what they wanted. Too bad they were stuck with me.

Sera gives me as soft, but abrupt hug that I am not prepared for. “I think Mae is much better than Herald. Prettier too.”

“Thank you.” I mumble into her shoulder before awkwardly, but gently, pushing her off of me. “I appreciate it, really I do. But this?” I gesture to the strips of who knows what “No one can know.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice. Piss buckets, the lot of them.” She opens my door and nods encouragingly “I’ll tell Red you’re doin’ just fine.”

I am left only thinking about how poorly that could have actually gone for me. After a few breaths, I go over to right my chair and get back to work.

While my back is turned there is a light knock, “Mae, is everything alright? I just saw Sera leave and, well, the noises in here seemed chaotic at best.” Of course Solas would come check on me; He really seems like a very nice man.

I am well trained in masking my distress, though Sera got the best of me. Smiling brightly, I finally look at him. “Everything is perfectly okay. I’m just a little absentminded and you know how enthusiastic Sera can be.”

His brow furrows just a touch, but enough that I notice. “I see.” He glances down at his watch and when he looks back up, his concern is gone. “I am about to grab some lunch, would you like me to get you anything?”

My first instinct is to say no, but then I think about the nutrition sheet on my desks that only has the words ‘coffee’ and ‘granola bar’ on it. Fen’harel will be upset with me. “That would be wonderful, thank you very much for asking. What’s for lunch?”

“There’s a lovely salad bar down the road. I already have a request from Dorian, so it is no trouble.”

Salad is never my first choice when it comes to meals, but it will have to do. “I am sure Dr. Pavus jumped at the opportunity to have someone fetch him a meal.”

“I can hear you, you realize that don’t you?” Dorian yells across the hall.

“I do.” I yell back.

“Has anyone told you that you are fantastically mediocre?” He scoffs, echoing through the hall.

I can’t help but laugh at the impressive come back. “I’ll be nice when you start remembering to say please and thank you, Dorian!” All I get in response is muffled grumbles as the sounds of his typing gets louder.

Solas is looking at me like I’m some sort of fantastic show being put on just for him. “Oh, I’m sorry to keep you waiting, Solas. Let me get together a list.”

“It is no trouble at all.” He smiles, following me to my desk, politely awaiting my order. Once I tell him to just put together something that looks good and make sure it has some sort of vinaigrette, he goes off and seems rather pleased. He really is such a nice man.

I’d rather not get caught up in something while I’m waiting for lunch, so I absentmindedly skim back through my emails, pausing on the ones from the Dread Wolf. I wonder if he is as excited about tonight as I am.

_Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net_

_Subject: Waiting_

_I find myself having difficulty focusing on work when in just a few hours I’ll be screaming your name in ecstasy._

_-Mae_

I thumb through the book I’ve been reading without actually seeing any words. I wonder what he does during the day. Will he respond at all?

My email dings.

_Recipient: maelav@chantry.com_

_Subject: Eager_

_You assume much. Perhaps we will simply enjoy a meal together and do crosswords._

_-Fen’harel_

A grin plasters itself on my face. I like that he’s playful; it takes the sting off of his disapproval knowing that he is not wholly discipline.

 

_Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net_

_Subject: Extremely Eager_

_I know that will not be_ all _we do, Dread Wolf._

_-Mae_

 

_Recipient: maelav@chantry.com_

_Subject: Extremely Presumptuous_

_And how do you know that, little one?_

_-Fen’harel_

 

_Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net_

_Subject: Yearning_

_Because you want me. You want this._

_-Mae_

There’s a small tap against my door frame, making me look up. I quickly close my email. Solas walks through the room with a little to-go container in his hand.

“Lunch has arrived.” He smiles holding out the meal for me to grab.

I accidentally put my hand over his instead of grabbing onto the Styrofoam. My body has a visceral response to his touch. A wave of nervousness passes over me. I must be displacing my lustful thoughts onto the first person I’m interacting with.

Poor guy.

I awkwardly shift my hand, sliding against his smooth skin, making the fluttering in my chest worse. “Thank you very much, lunch fairy.”

He smiles and holds up a hand, stopping me from grabbing my wallet out of my purse. “You are welcome. And, please, it is my treat.”

“That is so sweet of you.” No one has done anything for me just because they wanted to in so long. Part of me wonders if he has an ulterior motive, but I know that is the less than rational part of me. “Thank you.”

The sincerity in my voice seems to give him pause. He looks at me with an almost clinical intensity for a second before smiling again, “It is really no trouble, but your gratitude is most agreeable. I’d love to stay and…”

“Just kiss already!” Dorian yells from across the hall. Solas and I roll our eyes in unison.

He gives me a small nod. “I should get back to work.”

I smile and open up the container to see the greenest, most veggie packed salad I have ever seen in my life. I don’t even recognize some of the toppings. Fen’harel would be pleased.

Excitedly. I open back up my email. No answer.

_Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net_

_Subject: Still Yearning_

_Perhaps I should be more specific? You want to hold me down and fuck me. You want to bury your hard cock in my dripping wet body. You want to make me beg for you._

_-Mae_

After a few bites of salad, a loud crashing sound comes from next door. I can hear Solas mumble what I assume are curses.

“Solas?” I ask tentatively as I run over to his door. Beside his desk there is a mug that has shattered. “Is everything alright?”

His head snaps up; his eyes seem a little darker than usual, but that’s probably just the light. “I seem to be more tired than usual, I managed to fumble my mug.”

“Do you want me to grab you some paper towels or something?”

Solas takes a deep breath. “No, thank you. I will clean up my own mess.” His gaze intensifies. “I should pay more attention.”

An hour or so later my email finally dings again.

_Recipient: maelav@chantry.com_

_Subject: Lessons_

_Do not push me, Mae. You may find that you do not appreciate the consequences._

_-Fen’harel_

* * *

Zevran is in my apartment when I arrive home. I never gave him a key, but he often finds himself curled up on my couch by the time I’m back from work. “Ah, you are finally home. It is almost five, my friend. You are lucky that I took the liberty of packing for you.”

I shouldn’t be surprised. “Zev, can I put down my bag before you launch into whatever is going on here?” He waits patiently as I slip off my loafers and set down my briefcase. With a deep breath, I’m ready. “Okay, go.”

He leads me into my bedroom where my small travel-on suitcase sits open, ready to be filled with the outfits he has laid out. “You will be gone all weekend, yes?”

My eyes scan the clothes. “You went through my underwear _and_ managed to find my most outrageous underthings.”

“You have a very nice collection of high quality lingerie, no doubt from members of the Orlesian court?” Zevran winks.

“Please, don’t Zev.” I run my hand through my hair. “I need to take a shower and get ready.”

He plops down on my bed. “Good. I’ll just finish this up for you.”

There will be no stopping him. I accept my fate.

At 6pm sharp, there is a knock on the door; Zevran runs to open it. “Can I help you?”

“I am here to retrieve Miss Mae.” Blackwall’s guff voice echoes into my living room.

I slip on my well-loved black converse low tops and roll my bag to the door. “I’m ready to go. I am sure The Dread Wolf would dislike if I were late.”

Blackwall chuckles, “Indeed he would.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.” Zevran warns with a wink. He has probably done everything already, or at the very least would try.

“Zev, just make sure my door ends up locked when you leave.” There’s really no point in giving him a key now. I’m sure he’d pick the lock anyway just to make a point. I sigh as I close the door behind me. At least the place will be looked after for the weekend. No one can leave any surprises if Zevran is there.

“Can I take your bag for you, Miss?” Blackwall asks, kindly.

While I appreciate the offer, “Oh it’s no trouble. I wouldn’t have packed anything that I couldn’t carry myself.”

He smiles and nods. “A very reasonable thought.”

The car waiting for us is a really nice black sports car. I wonder who it belongs to. Our ride is silent, as I wring my hands together. Every now and then Blackwall shoots me an encouraging smile.

Before I know it, we are at Eluvian. I don’t really know what to expect, but I’m ready.

As usual, I am escorted to Fen’harel’s apartments. “I will put your bag in your room. The Dread Wolf waits for you, third door on the left.”

I open the door in question, but the room looks empty. “I don’t…” My words are cut off by a yelp as my wrist is grabbed and I’m pulled into the room.

The door slams behind me and I see him for the first time. Masked as always, but I notice little else, as I am quickly pressed against the wall by his strong hands. “For someone who did not complete her checklist any day this week, you sure do seem to have free time” His lips crash into mine, demanding compliance. I exhale a moan against him, silently begging for more as my body awakens. One of his hands pauses at the button of my jeans. “Do you consent?”

“Fuck, yes.” I giggle. Faster than I thought was possible, he has my pants around my ankles.

I reach for his neck, but he catches my wrists together with one of his larger hands and pins them to the wall above my head. His other hand slides into my pink thong. “Good.” He growls as his fingers slide along the sides of my slit, teasing my folds, but deliberately avoiding giving too much pleasure. A fingertip swipes along my clit, making me gasp.

I try to move my hips so that he touches where I want him to, but he uses his body to keep me pinned to the wall; under his command. “You have been most disobedient. Do you wish to confess anything to me before I begin to think of your punishments, little one?”

He slips a finger inside of me while his palm presses against my nub. “Ah! I….I didn’t go to the gym. I started to touch myself thinking of you last night, but stopped as to not break my rules.”

Fen’harel nods in approval as he adds a second finger. “Good girl. Thank you for being honest with me. I will make your punishment fit your trustworthiness.” He slows in his working of me, dragging out the mounting pleasure until I can feel myself dripping against his skin. “The more you misbehave the worse your punishments will be, _emma’asha._ ” If this is what punishment looks like, would it be so bad to misbehave?

“Fen’harel, please” I beg as he keeps getting me close and then backing off. I’m going to lose my mind. How could he possibly make me crave him more than I already do?

He darkly chuckles and nips at my neck. “Oh my little one, if I always give you everything you want, how will you ever learn?” A frustrated cry tears from my lips and I attempt to move, but he just holds himself harder against me. The Dread Wolf tsks, “Next time, perhaps you will not tease me while you should be working.” He slides his hand away at a tortuously slow pace before placing one slick finger at my lips. “Lick.” The touch of my tongue against his skin makes my heart race as I remember the weight of his cock in my throat. I lock eyes with him as I pant in unreleased pleasure, but whirl my tongue around him, moaning softly as I clean the digit and hopefully remind him a bit of the talents of my mouth in the process. He then puts the two fingers, each made wet by my body, into his extremely tempting mouth and sucks with a moan. Seeing him enjoy my essence drives me even crazier with desire. “It is time for dinner. You may redress.”

The Dread Wolf watches me, seemingly unfazed, as I pull up my pants and adjust my clothing. Unlike other visits, he has on a simple cotton black t-shirt with black pants, but like usual, he has no shoes on. There is a slight outline of his hard-on through his perfectly tight pants. His ignored arousal strikes me like lightening; this is for me, not him. I _trust_ what he suggests. I wish to do anything he encourages me to because, unlike my friends at the Chantry, his desire is simply to take care of me.

My underwear is completely soaked through. Honestly, I’m worried that it will start showing on my pants. Insufferable man.

Across the hall and one door down, we enter into the kitchen again. Mr. Blackwall is standing at the stove with oven mitts on and an apron that has measurement conversions upside down on it. What strange world have I stepped into?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Weekend! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and for your amazing support!!! You are all so wonderful and I want to give you all the hugs!!!! <3 <3 
> 
> Next Time: Their First Night
> 
> Also, you should totally love on [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals)! She is fantastic and the best Beta!
> 
> Oh and if anyone is bored and likes Tumblr, I'm [TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).


	5. Distress *

I do my best not to glare at the huge pile of vegetables next to my chicken. “I’ve never had so many greens on my plate at once.” Blackwall serves us plates that seem to have set proportions before he quietly leaves the room.

Fen’harel smirks and takes a bite. “You will eat what you have been given, and be thankful for it.”

I’m not sure how he manages to eat with the half mask on. “Wouldn’t it be more comfortable putting food into your mouth if you weren’t partially covered?”

Fen’harel smirks and takes a sip of wine. “Practice, _emma’asha_.”

“What a strange skill to acquire.” I take a sip of the red wine and do my best to hide the involuntary face of disgust that I make. “I must say that I’m rather curious about how you came to be this way, Dread Wolf.”

“I would expect that you are.” He chuckles softly.

It’s not difficult to see where this will lead. “Further inquiry will get me nowhere?”

“Correct.” He nods, toasting me with a tilt of his glass.

I’m not deterred from at least trying to ask some questions. “Did you have a strange childhood? My mother would lock me away if she knew that I was doing….whatever this is….”

“A consensual relationship between adults? You could have significantly worse habits.” He chuckles softly.

“Do you make light of all complicated relationships?”

He shrugs. “This is rather uncomplicated. We have a set of parameters in which to operate and mutual respect. In fact, this is arguably less complicated than most other relationships.”

Well when he says it like that I can’t help but think that he’s right. “I suppose you’re correct.”

“I usually am.” He says with a smug certainty.

I laugh. “Are you this likable without the mask on?”

His eyes flash in a way that sends tingles down my body. “Watch yourself, little one.”  

“You’re just so tempting, Dread Wolf.” I wink.

Blackwall returns and takes away our plates. “I will be retiring for the evening.”

“Thank you, Mr. Blackwall.” Fen’harel nods in appreciation as the large, hairy man leaves us alone for the rest of the night.

The Dread Wolf stands and holds out a hand to me. “Shall we continue?” I nod and take his hand; our fingers lace together naturally. The sense of calm and acceptance that he gives me makes me nervous, but in a good way.

He opens a door that leads to the room where I first met him; we stop in front of something that almost looks like the stand for a punching bag. It’s a tall metal structure with a large, sturdy vertical strut and a slightly smaller horizontal beam at the top, like an upside down ‘L’. A chain hangs down with a set of handcuffs at the end and there are foot straps on the floor.

The warmth of his breath against the curve of my neck pulls me out of my contemplation of the apparatus. “You will be held in place and I will introduce you to the riding crop as well as begin to train you for anal play. Do you consent?” His voice is soft and encouraging.

Tingles run through my body as I nod. “Yes.”

His pillowy lips brush against my skin. “Repeat your safe word.” He says with a bit more strength in his voice, as if this verbal process is taking him internally toward domination.

“Calculus.” Part of me wishes that I had chosen a less stupid word, though I had not anticipated that this relationship would continue at the time.

“Good.” His demanding voice rumbles in the room, making me sigh. Abruptly he steps away letting the slight chill of the room engulf me. “Undress.”

Despite the anxious shaking of my hands, I manage to get out of all of my clothes. Zevran will be disappointed that his specially chosen undergarments are not being put to use.

He unbuttons and slides off his pants. “We will begin with continuing to train your gag reflex.” He smirks. “On your knees.” As excited as I am to taste him again, I’m awfully disappointed and jut my lip out in a frown. “You will eat what you have been given.” He chides me stroking his member.

I raise an eyebrow suddenly remembering dinner. “And I’ll be thankful for it.” My tongue traces its way from the underside of his base to his tip before sucking him into my excited mouth. The eagerness with which I bob my head up and down has his breath shortening in a few minutes.

“Good girl.” He praises before wrapping his fingers in my hair and holding my head steady. His hips thrust slowly, sliding him farther and farther down my throat. Once a gag, he stills, letting my throat adjust to the pleasant intrusion. I breathe heavily through my nose. “Very good.” He says with a strained voice, pulling himself from me.

“Now, slide your feet into the straps.” I walk over and step onto the little platform, facing the pole. He velcros the padded straps so that they are snug, but not tight. “Is this alright?” He looks into my eyes, awaiting an answer.

“Yes, Fen’harel.”

He grabs a remote. “Raise your arms above your head.” The beam starts to lower until the cuffs brush against my wrists. The manacles click shut. I’m stretched between the two places where I’m secured, but it is not uncomfortable. “Are you in any distress?”

“No, Fen’harel.”

“Good. Should you begin to feel any discomfort or cramping, use your safe word and I will immediately free you from your restraints.” He runs a hand down my bared spine before walking away.

I can’t really turn my head around to find where he has gone, but it sounds like he’s opening some drawers along the wall behind me. The anticipation starts to make my body heat with desire. I am his.

Something soft trails where his hand pathed a few minutes earlier. I gasp at the sudden touch. The fact that he doesn’t wear shoes allows him to more or less move silently through the room. He glides what I can only assume is the riding crop along the curves of my shoulder blades before zig zagging along my backbone. The touches start to become more fleeting as my skin gets more sensitive.

Then, a loud smack echoes in the room as slaps down on my back with the crop. I cry out in shock, but quickly follow it with a pleased moan. Smaller hits sting my shoulders and lower back making me continue my sounds of wanting. He starts to put pauses between when the crop touches my skin, never letting me know if it will be a long sensual caress or a fast whip.

I press my thighs together, trying to stimulate myself somehow; I’m throbbing with lust.

The Dread Wolf chuckles and then slaps the back of my thigh. “You are restrained for a reason, little one.”

“I want you, Fen’harel.” I whimper.

He continues to sound pleased as he lets his hands run along my stinging back. “You will have what I see you are in need of.” Something starts to press along the cleft of my bottom. I gasp and clench my hands into fists. “Relax, little one. I assure you it will be pleasurable.” I nod and exhale, forcing myself to relax to his touch. “Good girl.” He praises and wraps a hand around my hip, letting his fingers tease at my clit, rolling his fingers around my almost painfully engorged nub until I writhe against the air, fighting back my climax. I have not been given permission yet and I crave him so badly. “You are so wet for me. So good.” He playfully nips at the edge of my ear before pulling away.

A roar of frustration tears from my throat. It’s not difficult to work me up. I’m still craving him from his denial earlier in the evening. The pressing against my puckered hole returns. Fen’harel caresses my side and starts to kiss along my shoulder as he slowly slides something small into me. The object is maybe the size of a finger; it feels strange, but not completely unpleasant.

“You are much improved, little one, no broken rules during the session.” He slowly twists the plug, making me moan wantonly. “Perhaps you deserve a reward?”

I open my mouth to beg, but then think better of it. “I only wish to please you.” I hang my head in defeat, knowing that my pleasure belongs to him.

“Well met, _emma’asha_. Do you want to feel my throbbing cock slamming into you? Do you still desire to shout my name to the heavens?” He traces lines along my sides with the tips of his fingers, letting his caresses tease around the fullness of my breasts.

“Please, Fen’harel, please!” I whimper through my lust labored breathing.

Finally, he joins me on the platform, naked. He must have removed his shirt when he stepped away. The thought of his dick twitching as he worked my skin until it’s red provokes a long, low groan from me.

He releases my feet, but keeps my hands chained above my head.  Taking my thighs in his hands, Fen’harel lifts me off the ground, wrapping my legs around his waist. His rock hard member slides along my dripping wet slit, “Such a good girl.” I bite down on my lower lip to stifle my whimpers. “No.” He chides kissing me roughly. “You said such pretty things about your screams. I expect to hear them.” With a single thrust he fully seats himself within me. I scream in relief to finally indulge in my carnal need. I can feel the small plug pressing against him, competing for space. He was right, it is rather pleasurable.

He slowly pulls out before quickly burying himself again. “Fuck,” I gasp. “Don’t stop, please!” His pace starts to increase, shorter more angled thrusts against my wall. “Yes! Fen’harel!” I cry as his fingers dig into my hips. “Dread Wolf take me!”

His face, or at least what I can see of it, forms into a feral smile as he truly begins to pound into me. “Cum for me, my little wanton slut.” His dirty words spark against my desire.

The chain from which I hang starts to violently clank together as I’m thoroughly fucked. The slapping sounds of our coupling join in with his low growls and my higher pitched breathy moans.

My peak, which has so long been denied to me, starts to crest. I scream “Yes!” between the repeated litanies of his name. The sounds of the room die away as I am inundated with pleasure. Everything is an amazingly calm sort of silence until the moans of his completion pierce into my reality.

With a shaky arm he hit a button that releases my hands. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and nuzzle my face into his sweat slicked neck. “Thank you.” I giggle, kissing him softly.

He reaches around to my behind. “I’m going to remove your plug now.” I nod against him, sighing as the extra pressure is removed from my body making me twitch again with left over pleasure. He walks us over to one of the cabinets and sets me on the counter. “Let me see your wrists.” He holds out his hands for me to put mine in. Fen’harel looks at the red ring around them and sighs. “You should have told me you were in distress.”

“I wasn’t.” I say plainly.

He frowns and places a kiss to the inside of each wrist. “If you ever are, you must tell me.”

“I will.” I smile reassuringly.

The Dread Wolf caresses my jawline before pulling me forward for a sweet kiss. “You are remarkable.”

I laugh and roll my eyes. “Says the masked man.”

He smirks. “So he does.”

He wraps me in a large fluffy blanket from the cabinet behind me. “Come, let us take you to bed. I should take care of your back before you sleep.” Fen’harel helps me off the counter and rests his hand in the small of my back as he guides me out of the play room and down the hall. “This will be your room.”

The door opens into a white room full of dark wood and grey fabrics. The lines are all very clean, but the amount of plush blankets and pillows make it seem cozy at the same time. “It’s beautiful.” I smile over at him, happy to see that he looks pleased with my approval. It is of note that the room has no windows.

Fen’harel leads me to the bed and motions for me to lay on my stomach. He pulls out a little jar of oil from the bedside table and removes the blanket from my body. “Just relax, _emma’asha_.” He says softly, placing his hands on my slightly sore back.

His massaging prowess is unmatched. The way that he presses and shifts my muscles puts me into an almost hypnotized state as my body starts to realize how tired it is. “You are fantastic.”

I moan shamelessly, making him chuckle quietly. “It is my responsibility to take care of you; it pleases me that you are enjoying the process.”

“How could someone not enjoy this?” I mumble into my arms, which are serving as a pillow for my head. We stay silent for a bit as he continues to rock me to sleep. In my half-awake state I don’t stop myself from asking, “Will you stay with me tonight?”

His movement pauses for a second before he regains himself. It’s as though he is shocked that I would ask that of him. “That would not be wise.” I exhale loudly, pouting. “I do not have this mask permanently attached to my face, little one, and would prefer to keep it that way. My room _is_ across the hall from yours; should you need anything, you may knock.”

“Okay.” I say, too sleepy to pout more.

Fen’harel pulls back the covers before lifting me into his arms and putting me into the bed. He makes sure that I’m covered by blankets before giving me a chaste kiss. His hand runs through my hair, “Sleep well, my beautiful girl.”

“You’re the beautiful one.” I mumble, rolling over and letting sleep take me.

* * *

I’m standing on a raised platform with Cullen holding both of my hands. We are surrounded by the largest crowd of supporters I’ve ever seen. What’s going on? He’s wearing his dress armor; I always thought he looked so handsome, if a bit odd, with his fur cloak on. “Cullen?” I furrow my brows, “What’s going on?”

He beams. “Oh my darling wife. We will be so happy now.” The crowd cheers.

“What do you mean?” I sputter trying to pull my hands away from him. We have strings from our appendages that seem to float into the air. This isn’t right.

Leliana walks up the stairs to us. “I’m glad you finally came back to us, Inquisitor.” She teases, tucking some hair behind my ear. “Maellana Rutherford, we finally broke you. Now, you’re ours forever.”

“No.” I squeak, “I left. This isn’t real!”

A figure appears behind Cullen. “Trapped.” Cassandra smirks, turning his head toward her and claiming a kiss.

Josephine’s voice starts reciting the Chant, but it’s not her mouth moving. She isn’t even there. It’s me. I’m saying it and I can’t stop.  

My body isn’t my own.

My voice isn’t my own.

I am lost.

* * *

Shouting brings me back into consciousness. “Mae?!” Fen’harel says loudly into my ear. “It is only a dream.”

I gasp and lurch forward. I’m still in my room in his apartments. I’m fine. Tears burst from my eyes. “I was back. They had me. I couldn’t escape!” I sob incoherently. “Don’t let them take me”

The room is pitch black, the only way I even know he is there is the feeling of his arms around me and the soothing coos of his voice. “Hush, little one, you are safe. I have you. No one will hurt you.” He cradles me against his bare chest, letting me break down against him. Fen’harel kisses the top of my head and squeezes me as if it will stop my shaking.

I keep crying until I’m hiccupping and bereft of tears, time has no meaning.

He cradles my head in his hands and presses our foreheads together. “I need to return to my room. It will only be a moment; keep your eyes closed until I tell you otherwise.”

“Yes, Fen’harel.” I choke out, closing my eyes. As soon as his warmth leaves me I start to tremble again.

In very little time, he returns and slips something over my eyes. “I have come up with a solution to our sleeping problem.” I reach up and touch what appears to be an eye mask that one uses for sleeping. He lays me down before resting beside me and allowing me to form myself around him any way I wish.

The Dread Wolf runs his hand down my shoulder as I cling to his body; each of my limbs somehow entwined with his.

As I fall asleep a strange calm blossoms in my chest: I feel safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Weekend!!! Thank you all so much for your amazing comments and love! You're the best!!!! 
> 
> Next Time: Actual punishments. 
> 
> If anyone had forgotten, [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) is fantastic and the best Beta!!!! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr here: [TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).


	6. Workout *

I wake up still wrapped in the arms of the Dread Wolf. His breaths are deep and slow, obviously still sleeping. One of my hands is fully on the bare skin of his chest and a few of my fingers on my other hand feel soft fabric beneath them. He ran to me in his sleep clothes, leaving the mask behind.

I must have been amazingly distressed to have disturbed him from across the room.

A large part of me wants to take off the mask he gave me and see who it is that I’ve been spending time with, but I decide against it. Like he said, our relationship is based on trust and honesty. He came to comfort me, trusting that I wouldn’t take advantage of his unguarded state.  Besides, it’s not as though I would recognize him anyway.

Instead, I brush my cheek against his ribs and place a soft kiss above his heart, silently thanking him for his caring.

The muscles of his stomach start to engage below my palm. He’s strong and defined, but understated in the way he moves. A long exhale ruffles my hair. “Good morning, dear one.” It sounds like he might be smiling.

“Good morning, Fen’harel.” The time of day is actually impossible to know without any windows existing in the room.

He pulls me more fully against him. “Are you well?”

I nod slowly against his skin. “Much better than I was.” He says nothing else, but continues to hold me in his arms. He won’t push me again. He deserves more from me. I give his chest another kiss before resting my head and start to explain. “I…I used to work for the Chantry, but my job…well…what I thought it entailed and what they actually expected me to do were two different things. It’s also where I met my fiancée; a number of problems sort of forced us together, then apart again.” The explanation is not quite a lie.

“I see.” He runs his finger through my hair. “Thank you for sharing some of yourself with me.” His lips brush against my forehead, surprising me. “You are so beautiful.” My nose wrinkles in disagreement. “It’s far too early for you to begin sassing me today, Mae.” He chuckles, guiding me into a soft kiss. “Speaking of which, you will be working out with Mr. Blackwall for two and a half hours this morning.”

“What?!” I sputter. I must have heard him wrong. “You have to be kidding me.”

The Dread Wolf laughs darkly. “I do not tease about punishments, little one. You did not work out once this week. You were told to see your trainer for thirty minutes once a day for five days. That amounts to two and a half hours out of your entire week. You will make up for them now.”

“That’s not fair.” I pout trying to push myself off of him.

His grip on my chin tightens, keeping me from moving away. “Fair, my dear Mae? I made sure that my day was completely clear of all obligations so that I may spend that time with you; I planned ahead and finished everything before your arrival. You did not offer me the same courtesy.” I open my mouth to protest, but his thumb lifts up to cover my lower lip. “I would dress, were I you. He’ll be here soon regardless of how much clothing you are wearing.”

“I didn’t bring any clothes to work out in.” I protest, freeing myself from the blankets.

Fen’harel shifts around, flips on a light, and opens a drawer. A bundle of fabric is placed in my hand. He kisses my forehead again. “I will be in the study when you finish. When the door closes you may take off your blindfold.”

Once the door clicks shut, I remove the blindfold and dress rather quickly. The tank top and shorts actually fit; they’re also a rather cute blocked pattern in black and pink. My hair gets braided back into a bun and as I am tying my shoes there is a knock on the door.

“Miss Mae, it is time for you to join me for a workout.” Blackwall calls through the door.

I sigh, cursing my past self, and walk out into the hall. “Good morning, Mr. Blackwall.” I nod and bite my lip. “I fear I am not very good company until I’ve had my coffee.”

“It is best you not have caffeine until after. Wouldn’t want you getting sick, now would we?” He winks. The groan that I respond with makes him laugh. “Sorry Mae, but you heard the man. Now, we’ll begin.”

He leads me outside and we jog at least five miles around a park near Eluvian as a warm up. Or at least he calls it a warm up; for me it is more like death by running. Next, we do too many lunges to count, up and down the stairs leading from the lounge to Fen’harel’s floor. Finally, he drags me into a fully stocked workout room.

I’m dripping sweat and regretting every choice I’ve ever made that brought me to this point.

Blackwall looks at his watch. “Let’s take a break. You could use some water.” He hands me a large bottle of water from a small fridge in the corner.

I chug it down like I’ve been in a desert for the past ten years. Hoping to make the break last as long as possible, I try getting him to talk instead of watching the clock.  “So, how did you get here, Mr. Blackwall?” I flop my back onto the floor and look up at him.

He frowns a bit. “I was in a contract with the former Fen’harel. When our current man took the title, I decided to stay on.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, why?” I tilt my head to the side, confused.

Blackwall takes a drink of water before looking down to meet my eyes. “When I was a younger man, I consistently found myself making poor choices. I had no one to care about and no one who cared about me. One night I decided to take a drive after a long night of drinking. Vehicular manslaughter…an entire family. I could barely live with myself.”

“Oh. Wow. I’m so sorry.” I sit up and fight back the urge to hug him. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.”

He shakes his head. “No, Fen’harel tells me that the more I try to hold it in, the more the shame will hurt me. What I did is in the past. I am a new man now, sober for eight years. He offered to stay on and oversee me, to continue to give me purpose and oversight. Fen’harel holds me accountable. I think it would be fair to say that he is more of a friend than employer.”

I guess that makes sense. Poor Mr. Blackwall, to have hit rock bottom in such a tragic way. “Do you live here too?”

Blackwall chuckles. “No, Miss Mae, I have my own apartment and life outside of Eluvian. I even make good money as a carpenter. This, here, is my way to take care of myself. To make sure I don’t become the man I once was.”

Tears start to well in my eyes. “I know I’m really gross right now, but can I hug you?”

He smiles softly. “Yes, but perhaps you will not feel so generous after I run you through the last hour of your workout.”

“Take advantage of it while you can then.” I roll my eyes and sit next to him on the bench, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He softly pats my forearm. “I’m glad you’re the one running my ass into the ground.”

A loud bawdy laugh makes me pull away from him. “Don’t let the Dread Wolf hear you say things like that.”

“You filthy man!” I gasp, laughing in horror.

He winks. “Now, go grab those bar bells.”

* * *

I think my body might actually be completely, physically broken. I will never skip a workout again. I’m starting to get sore in muscles I didn’t know I had.

There’s a luxurious bathroom attached to my bedroom; it looks like a spa: bright with fluffy white towels. I peel off my soaked workout clothes and step into the shower. The water soothes my body, washing away my exertion. Absentmindedly, I grab for some shampoo. The scent is amazingly familiar, which strikes me as strange. I look closer at the bottles along the built in white marble shelves. All of the products are my favorites: extremely expensive and Orlesian.

My stomach bottoms out. How could he know? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he is Leliana’s. It wouldn’t be below her to try to train someone to be exactly how she wants them before taking them in. She would never allow such a blatant move as to remind me that they’re watching.

I shake my head and force myself to calm down. There’s nothing I can do about it now. I need to finish washing, then go from there. It’s possible that there’s a completely rational explanation. Or, I might be in serious trouble.

I need to call Zevran or Bull, even.

There’s a short, yellow, cotton robe hanging on the back of the door that I put on. I don’t quite take time to dry myself fully. Questions must be answered.

“Fen’harel?” I ask, knocking on the door.

“You may come in.” He responds from inside.

He is curled up on a large leather couch with a book in his lap. Once again, clad in black with his mask back on. His eyes flit up to me, widening a little when he sees that I’m still wet and scantily clad. “I see you finished your workout.”

“Yes. You’ll be lucky if I’m able to move by this afternoon.” I smirk, pleased to have surprised him. Momentarily allowing for my panic to settle; I decide he has too many tells to be part of the Inquisition.

“I might be able to think of _some_ way to motivate you.” He looks smug and motions for me to join him on the couch.

Instead I stand in front of him a cross my arms. “Why were my favorite bath products in the shower?”

The Dread Wolf looks slightly embarrassed. “Oh, yes, well, your friend Zevran sent me a box earlier in the week full of what he claimed were your favorite things. He…wanted to ensure that you are well taken care of.”

I laugh deeply, feeling a little silly for my anxiety. “That sounds exactly like Zev. He threatened you, didn’t he?”

“He is not a subtle man.” Fen’harel says flatly.

Reassured, I curl up on the couch with him, laying my head in his lap, and looking up at the handsome lines of his jaw. He smiles down at me and twists my hair around in his fingers, going back to reading.

“ _My Sub, My Soul._ ” I announce the book title. “Are you reading smut, Fen’harel?” I chuckle, feigning scandal.

He quietly chuckles. “Sadly not, little one. As with anything, one may always improve with further education. I make sure to constantly study new literature.”

“New literature on how to be a Dom?” I raise an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Of course. You are my first priority. If I can avoid accidentally harming you by learning the mistakes and techniques of others, then I will dedicate the time to do so.” His eyes twinkle with a gentle kindness.

I open my mouth to say something, but quickly close it again. I don’t know what to say. I’ve never been _anyone’s_ first priority. Even when I was young, mother was so focused on the tailoring shop and making enough money to support us that we fell by the wayside. And the Inquisition, well, I had always just been a tool for them. Cullen didn’t even put me first; his duty and faith came before my well-being.

“Oh, my dear one.” Fen’harel looks at me with a face that is half sadness and half adoration. He brushes a fallen tear off of my cheek. “I did not wish to distress you. It is a simple fact that I will care for you in every way you’ll allow me to. Every moment you chose to give yourself to me is the greatest gift; I will always do everything within my power to be worthy of your trust.”

My heart feels warm, like it’s being lovingly cradled by the hand of another. The tears leaking from me lament my past, but also are almost blissfully happy about my future. I am free.

I sit up rather abruptly, making Fen’harel frown. He moves, presumably, to stop me from running away. Those worries are unfounded. I slide myself against him, straddling his lap. My forehead presses against his mask as I hold him close. He sets down the book on the side table and wraps his arms around my lower back.

My lips whisper against his. “Do you consent?”

He looks like he’s having an internal struggle. If I could see his brows I’m sure they’d be furrowed with concern. “I would not take advantage of your distress.”

I kiss his cheek before nuzzling against his neck. “I came in here wearing nothing but a robe. I’m straddling your lap. Believe me, I know what’s going on and am _very_ okay with it. Now,” I nip at the skin where his neck and shoulder meet, provoking a sharp inhale. “Do you consent?”

Silent laughter vibrates in his chest. “Yes.”

I continue to lavish his neck with kisses and small bites as my hands begin to unbutton his shirt. He kneads my ass, blessing me with unrestrained moans. When my hands finally pull away the fabric of his top, the touch of his skin on mine sends electricity through my body. He uses his lithe fingers to pull my lips to his, flooding me with soft and sweet, yet passionate kisses. Cool air shocks my nipples to hardened nubs as he deftly unties my robe and slides it off my shoulders, making me whimper into his lips as he caresses circles around my breasts.

He slides his arms along my back, cradling me as he lays me out on the couch as though I am precious to him…because I _am_ precious to him. My entire body blushes as his eyes scan up and down my curves like he is starving. My embarrassment doesn’t last long. A gasp tears from my throat as he kneels between my naked legs and latches his perfect lips onto my chest.  He alternates licking and stroking me until my back is arching up against him, desperate for more.

Slowly, his lips begin to travel down my torso, leaving small reddened marks wherever he pauses to worship. I cannot get enough of his touch. His fingers find my soaking slit and brush strokes back and forth. “I have yet to fully taste you.” The Dread Wolf muses. “I will resolve to fix such a grievous mistake.”

Before I can respond, he dives between my legs, licking away all of my juices with a flat tongue. I gasp and nearly jump into the air. He keeps me from bucking against him with strong hands pressing down on the flare of my hips. We are outside of a session, but I am still his; my pleasure belongs to him.

He moans loudly as his tongue circles my clit with deliberate flicks; the vibrations from his mouth are making me delirious with desire. The couch dips a bit as he rubs himself against the cushion below, illustrating how much he enjoys my ecstasy. My hands hold on to the arm of the couch, anchoring myself as I’m quickly approaching climax, but have not yet been given permission. How quickly I am being trained to his will? I don’t even think about disobeying. Fen’harel flattens his tongue again and teases licks at my entrance. I try to hold back a high pitched whine.

His slickened lips bite my inner thigh, “You wish to cum for me?”

I nod vigorously, unable to form words.

His smug smile centers itself between my legs again. “You are lucky that I so greatly desire to swallow every drop of your pleasure.” I nod again, begging with desperate eyes for him to take me. Two of his fingers slowly press into me, beckoning me toward the edge. He sucks my nub between his lips and quickly glides his tongue back and forth over the bundle of nerves.

I scream for him as he drags me to orgasm. “Yes! Fuck! Fen’harel!”

A thumb that is helping to hold my hips down softly draws circles as he extends my waves of completion; his fingers continuing to work inside of me while a delicate tongue gently licks my quivering body. I have never felt so valued by a lover as I do in this moment with my masked man.

When his fingers ease out, I’m not quite sure what comes over me, but I grab his wrist and force one of his dripping wet fingers into my mouth. My tongue wraps around his digit, sweeping away my juices. His lips part as he breathes heavily, eyes dark with lust. Once I’m satisfied, I give him his hand back. As I suspect, he greedily licks both fingers clean. It makes my heart swell to know that I’ve pleased him.

New waves of craving run through my body. “I want to feel you.” I request with a hint of demand.

He smirks and stands beside the couch, stepping out of his pants. It seems like he never wears underwear as his amazingly hard cock is uncovered. I bite my bottom lip, stifling a groan. “You like what you see, little one?”

“I ache for you.” I say in a low register, holding out a hand for him to come closer.  

I had never noticed how much smaller my hand is than his until he intertwines our fingers as he kneels between my thighs. His expression softens as he lines himself up, just barely breaching me. His other hand comes up and holds mine. Our noses brush together, “As I do for you.” His sweet confession makes my chest tighten.

Frenzied moans echo off the walls as he fills me.

He kisses me tenderly as our hips sensually rock together. The pace is unhurried so that we can luxuriate in each other’s bodies. One of his hands leaves mine in favor of cradling the back of my head, supporting me as his kisses become more passionate. I take the chance to trace random patterns against his back, drinking in the feeling of him against me. Our bodies confirming the promises we’ve made to each other.

It’s almost like I’m outside of myself; I am just a creature made of pleasure and happiness.

He pulls back from me, settling into a more purposeful angle. I close my eyes and throw my head back in ecstasy. “Look at me, Mae.” He requests with labored breath.

Our eyes lock as we chase our climaxes. His greyish eyes pierce into the heart of me, as if our souls were connecting together. In them I can see true affection.

His thrusts start to become more erratic as my walls squeeze him tighter. My breaths become shorter as I crest into mind blowing delight. My lover’s lips lock against mine as he buries himself deeper, throbbing with his own completion. Teeth clacking together as we quake against one another.

The kisses slowly become more refined as we return into our satiated bodies. The Dread Wolf collapses onto my chest, his forehead against the side of my neck. Our still held hands are pulled to his lips as he chastely kisses the back of my hand.

I absently caress along his shoulders as I sigh with satisfaction.

He kisses my collarbone and chuckles. “I had meant to invite you to breakfast.”

“Well, at least one of us ate.” I snort.

He pinches my waist, making me yelp. “Dirty woman.”

We laugh against each other, naked and happy. I feel more myself than I have in many years and it may be premature, but I might even feel loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!!! I hope that you are great today! 
> 
> Next Time: The department travels to a conference.
> 
> As always, I love [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) aka: the best Beta!!!!  
> Also, thank you to Bfa and Evelynwaaaah for helping me through my freak out before posting. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr here: [TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).


	7. Calls

I wear the sleep mask again so that on Sunday morning I get to wake up to Fen’harel curled around me. I sigh happily to let him know I’m awake.

“Good morning, dear one.” He hugs me closer, tenderly kissing my hair.

“Good morning, Fen’harel.” I smile turning my head to steal a soft kiss.

My body melts a little as he caresses my cheek “When Mr. Blackwall returns, you will need to go home.”

I frown. In just the one weekend I’ve become so comfortable with him and to have to go back to work and be alone again is going to be awful. At least I know there’s someone who cares?

“You know that I will be here for you, throughout the week, should you need me.” He kisses my forehead. “I do not disappear simply because we are not together.”

I nod, knowing that my sadness is completely unreasonable. I’ve only known the man for two weeks.

He kisses my lips again, lingering for a bit longer. “I am going to return to my room and dress. You may take off your mask once I close the door behind me. Then, you will meet me in the kitchen when you are ready for the day.”

Far too quickly, his warmth is gone and the door latches shut. I can’t help but think about how long it has been since I’ve shared a bed regularly. Cullen and I were together for three years, for two and a half of those I never had to sleep alone. He is broader than Fen’harel and taller, also harrier. Part of me wishes that things had been different. Another part of me wonders if the whole thing was a carefully fabricated relationship thanks to the efforts of Josephine, Leliana, and Cassandra. But we had been so completely in love once.

My phone starts to vibrate over on the dresser. It’s a number I don’t recognize, so I ignore it and throw on my jeans and t-shirt for the day. Quickly, I put on enough makeup to not look like I’m a zombie and pull my hair back into a messy bun. I pop the phone into my back pocket and glide into the kitchen.

Fen’harel is pouring a mug of coffee. “I thought you might desire caffeine.”

“A man after my own heart.” I smile and doctor the beverage to be the way I like it: one spoon of sugar and a dash of half and half.

He grabs some eggs from the fridge as well as some veggies and cheese, then sets to making us omelettes for breakfast. I would have thought that the man couldn’t cook considering that he has Blackwall around to do everything. Another surprise, I suppose. I get to stand by and admire him as I sip my coffee.

My phone rings again. It’s the same number. Odd, but could still be a telemarketer. I silence it and set it on the counter. Fen’harel looks at me expectantly. “I didn’t recognize the number, so I think it’s just someone trying to sell me something. They called once earlier and I ignored it.”

“If it rings again you will answer. At the very least you’ll tell them to leave you be.” He makes it sound like it’s no big deal.

I roll my eyes and take a plate from him. “Yes, Fen’harel.”

“Sass, little one.” He warns, eyes narrowing in warning.

After breakfast, Fen’harel and I sit cuddled together on the couch in the study and read. He’s continuing with his Dom book and I’m catching up on some articles Dorian asked me to summarize for him.

The phone rings again. I look at my lover with pleading eyes.

“Answer it.” He says without looking up at me.

It’s silly. I’m being ridiculous. It’s none of the area codes from anyone in the Inquisition. There’s no reason to be afraid of answering a phone! I cannot be scared every moment of my life that they’ll find me. I’m done with that life! Fen’harel is right.

“Hello?” I say with far more strength than I mean after my internal pep talk.

The voice on the other side starts talking. “Good Morning. We are calling to see if you would be interested in upgrading your cable package to premium status.”

Stupid. I’m so stupid. “No, thank you. Have a good rest of your day.” I say quickly and hang up the phone.

He looks up at me and nods once, signifying that I’ve done a good job.

The phone rings again. These people won’t stop! Why are they so insistent about my cable?! I click to answer and nearly shout “I told you _no_!!”

Silence for a second. “Mae?”

I’m going to throw up. I’d know his voice anywhere. “Cullen….” I gasp putting my shaking hand over my mouth. “How…” I try to speak, but I can’t make sentences come out.

Fen’harel immediately notices my distress and quickly moves to my side. “Mae, give me the phone.”

“Thank the Maker.” Cullen exhales, relieved. “I’ve been so worried. You wouldn’t answer any of my calls. My darling…I miss you so much. Please…” His voice cracks a bit. I’m hurting him. He misses me. He wants me back.

“Mae. The phone. Now.” Fen’harel growls, his hand on my shoulder.

I can’t move. My body is completely frozen despite the uneven beating of my heart and the shortness of my breath. I just look up at him, terrified. Hearing him reminds me of the little cracks still left in my healing heart.

His jaw is clenched as he pulls the phone from my hand. “Who is this?” He says sharply.

The volume is high enough and he’s close enough that I can hear Cullen respond. “Wha….Her fiancé who is this!?”

“A friend. How did you get this number?” Fen’harel continues with a dangerous tinge to his voice.

Cullen almost growls back. “It is none of your business. Put Mae back on the phone.” He pauses, sounding almost ashamed.  “She needs to come home.”

“You will stop calling her.” My new lover calmly demands of my former one.

“You can’t tell me what to do! We are in _love_. She just….got cold feet.” Cullen is somewhere between begging and shouting. “She…”

Fen’harel hangs up the phone. “You will block this number.”

My voice catches in my throat. “I’m sorry. I….I didn’t even look. I just thought. How did he find me?” It’s a simple answer. The Inquisition can find anyone. Anywhere. I didn’t exactly go through any lengths to cover my trail. I was too focused on getting out of there as fast as possible.

He looks down at me, his fury fading away. “I am sorry, my dear one. I made you answer your phone and did not think of the possible consequences.” He wraps his arms around my still shaking body. “I did not know.” His hug is strong, like when he woke me from my nightmare. Only this is real. “You are here with me. You are safe.” His anger is clearly not toward me, it seems equally directed at Cullen and himself.

I shake my head. “They haven’t come to get me because they have no need of me. I just hope it stays that way.”

“Who are _they_?” He asks, still firmly holding me against his chest.

“The Inquisition.” I exhale, exhausted. I’m too young to be this tired.

His body stiffens. “I see.”

Fen’harel doesn’t press for any more information. He moves us to the couch and cradles me in his arms, sometimes kissing me tenderly. The constant thumping of his heart against my ear, the warmth of him all around me, his herbal scent, all calms me. I’m almost asleep in his lap when Blackwall arrives.

“Will you please pack up Mae’s belongings?” The Dread Wolf asks softly.

I sniff, shirking off the veil of sleep upon me. “No, that’s stupid. I can just finish packing myself.” Mr. Blackwall ignores my protests and leaves the room anyway. I feel bad about him having to pick up after me, but honestly I was almost completely packed anyway.

The hands on my back and hip grasp harder. “Would you deny me the pleasure of holding you until you must go?” There isn’t the danger that seems to be in his voice when he asks, or at least if there is it’s masked by sadness and remorse.

I tilt my head to the side and search his eyes. “Fen’harel, none of this is your fault.”

He closes his eyes for a beat. “Will you spend the next weekend with me as well?” Clearly we are done talking about what happened with the call from Cullen.

“I’d love to, if you would have me.” I smile and softly brush my lips against his.

Fen’harel chuckles. “Always.” His eyes glitter conspiratorially “And with new and exciting methods.”

Blackwall comes back into the study with my bags. “I believe it is time for me to take Miss Mae home.”

“Yes, thank you, Blackwall. You will do as I have asked?” Blackwall nods. Fen’harel shifts me so that I can put my feet on the ground. “I shall walk you to the door.”

We stand there at the door with our fingers intertwined. It’s almost like I’m a teenager again with my first boyfriend and we are so deep into puppy love that we cannot stand to separate from one another for the smallest bit of time. The farewell kiss, however, is very, very grown up. His fingers roughly grab the flare of my hips and pull my pelvis against his. I can only describe the way his lips took mine as devouring me.

I pant against him, looking bewildered while he smirks. “I look forward to seeing you again.” He says simply.

Mr. Blackwall snickers a bit as he waits for me to take his arm so that he might escort me home. Once the door closes he raises his eyebrow and looks at me full of teasing. “So, you had a nice weekend?”

I punch his shoulder, but laugh. I had a very nice weekend.

Zevran is, of course, lounging on my couch when Blackwall and I arrive at my apartment. “Ah! You are home, my friend. Is it just me, or do you glow?”

“It is good to see that you are here, Mr. Arainai. Fen’harel wishes to send you his thanks for all your help.” The guff bodyguard/butler nods at my friend. “I will see you next weekend, Miss Mae.”

“Thank you for everything.” I grin, taking my bag.

* * *

My life starts to settle into a normal pattern. No more calls; I block Cullen’s number on both my home phone and my cell. Week days are spent working at the University. Weekends are very happily spent with Fen’harel. Everything finally feels stable, happy. I feel like the real Maellana Lavellan and not some person made up by the Inquisition. I am no longer their Herald.

Starting on the Monday after our first weekend, I even start to see my trainer every morning before work; the single punishment of working out with Mr. Blackwall for two and a half hours was enough for me. Never again. Besides, punishments like that make me lose time with Fen’harel and I’ll take every moment I can get.

I almost left the first time I saw the guy. Oghren. He is a dwarf and I’m pretty sure that he is in a perpetual state of drunkenness. “Okay, Toots. Time to run the obstacle course.  We’ll see how fit y’ar.” He grumbles in his own charmingly slurred voice.

I cross my arms and look down at him. “You’re kidding me, right? Is this some joke? Am I in the wrong place?”

“Nope. Eluvian called. I’m yours.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

I frown. “If _you_ can do this, then I’ll gladly follow.”

Oghren grumbles, “Always underestimating old Oghren, buncha’ good for nothin’” Whatever curse he decided to use was lost as he approaches the obstacle course. Unbelievably, he moves through faster than I would have thought a fit person would. I stand there with my mouth gaping. He snorts. “Your turn.”

That weekend, Fen’harel was not pleased to hear about my sassing the trainer. “I expected more from you, little one. You are being provided for and yet are determined to be difficult. Your poor manners reflect onto me.”

He tied me to the bed, naked. Then, he left me alone, ignored, for the entire afternoon. It wasn’t even as if I could nap or anything. Oh no, The Dread Wolf thinks too much to allow for that to happen. He put a dildo into me and left, however, I was mistaken. It was a vibrator, one that has a remote control. Every now and then at random intervals the intensity of the vibrations would change from non-existent to mind blowing. I was not allowed to cum.

We continue our sessions every weekend until, one afternoon, a few months after starting work at the university, Dorian pops into my office. “You’ll be attending a conference in Denerim this weekend. Make sure you’re packed and ready by nine in the morning tomorrow.”

My jaw drops. How does he expect me to be ready in such little time? Did everyone only get 24 hours? “That’s short notice.” I glare, reality hitting me. “Did you forget about me?!”

He waves his hand in dismissal. “You’re just so nondescript over here.” He doesn’t really even sound the least bit sorry. I guess all people who hail from rich families are the same, it’s not just the Orlesians.

“What’s that? I cannot hear you over your outfit!” Solas says loudly near Dorian’s ear.

Dorian scrunches up his nose. “I suppose he can tell you the rest of the details. Some of us have more important work to do.” And he struts out of the door.

“Well played, Solas.” I laugh, covering my mouth to hopefully not be noticed by my boss.

He shrugs. “It was poorly done for him to have forgotten to tell you. We’ve known about this since before you began working here. I thought you would have known, else I would have told you myself.”

“I appreciate your thinking of me, at least.” I gesture for him to come sit. “So, what’s the plan?”

Solas takes a seat in the chair in front of my desk. “Tomorrow morning we catch a plane to Denerim. We’ll be attending a conference organized by the King; he wishes to support the academy.”

My heart skips a beat. “Will His Majesty be attending?” I had always liked Alistair, but who knows what the Inquisition is telling him about me at this point. Seeing him could be problematic.

He shakes his head, looking amused. “It is unlikely. Do you dislike our charismatic ruler?”

I’m much better at recovering quickly. “I wouldn’t know how to dress for something where I’d meet the King!” I giggle like the vapid women of the court. “I suppose I’d need to go shopping.” I think of the beautiful gown sitting in the back of my apartment closet. It was one of the only things I let myself take that I knew I’d never need again, but there was something about the sapphire silk. Cullen gave it to me as a gift for our wedding rehearsal banquet, which never happened. I guess it’s a selfish reminder of what I once was: The Herald of the Inquisition. Their figurehead.

Solas’s forehead wrinkles. “Whether or not the King is there is inconsequential; his people will be there regardless. There is also a banquet and ball on the final evening. Dorian bought me an outfit without my knowing.” He sounds amazingly disgusted.

“That sounds exactly like him.” I try to stifle my laughter. Seeing Solas dressed like Dorian would be fantastic. “I am sure you’ll look wonderful!” Honestly, Dorian has a fantastic flair for fashion. It won’t hurt to see Solas dressed to the nines.

He grimaces. “We shall see.” Solas stands to return to work. “Like Dorian said, our flight is a nine. If you’d like we could meet here and I’ll drive us to the airport. There’s no need for all of us to pay for parking.”

“Oh, Solas, that would be amazing!” I have no idea how to get to the airport here and hate doing anything before nine in the morning anyway. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I did.” He looks unamused; it’s as if I’ve offended him somehow. “Meet in the North lot at seven. That should give us enough time to get there and through security before our departure.”

I’ll have to come up with some way to repay him. “Well, thank you. I’ll split parking!”

“That is unnecessary. Think of it as part of my apology for assuming that Dorian would do his job.” He raises his eyebrow after the last sentence, clearly displeased.

Over the past month, I’ve lost track of the times that Solas has brought me food for lunch or breakfast. Sometimes he’ll sit and have a meal with me, sometime he returns to his own office. I think he must be under the impression that I can’t afford to feed myself. He was probably a postdoc once; it is not as if the job covers me with money, but it’s enough to eat.

“Solas, I’m not destitute!” I roll my eyes, sighing with exaggerated frustration. “You’ll have to let me pay you back for your kindness at some point.”

He leans against the frame of my door and almost sparkles with whatever emotion he is hiding. “It is not truly a kindness if I require something in return.” His brow just barely raises. “And you have an impossibly beautiful smile.”

And he leaves.

My hand raises to cover my shocked, smiling face. Did my coworker just hit on me? He is unexpectedly smooth. My heart skips a beat.

Was he just being nice? That’s so much more likely. He’s just trying to cheer me up after Dorian made it so clear how easily I am forgotten in the department. Solas is one of the few people I consistently enjoy being around.

My heart sinks for a different reason: I need to email Fen’harel. I won’t be able to see him this weekend. I do hope he is not cross with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Weekend! Thank you for reading!!! 
> 
> Next Time: Mae and Solas are put into some awkward positions
> 
> Did you see the AMAZING art that [DeedyLovesCake](http://deedylovescake.tumblr.com/) did?! 
> 
> [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) is the best!!!!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).


	8. Travel

As soon as Solas leaves the room I email my Dread Wolf.

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net _

_ Subject: Don’t be angry _

_ So, apparently our department all have to go to a conference in Denerim this weekend and no one told me until this morning. _

_ -Mae _

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.com _

_ Subject: Disappointed _

_ Why would I be angry? You should know me better than that, little one. _

_ -Fen’harel _

His response is actually rather quick. I must have _made_ him angry.

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net _

_ Subject: :-( _

_ I won’t be able to see you this weekend. I’m not letting you know until so late. I promise I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. I’m really disappointed that I won’t be with you. _

_ -Mae _

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.com _

_ Subject: Inappropriate subject line _

_ I am not upset with you, Mae. I know when you are being purposely deceitful; this is not one of those times. There will be more weekends for us. Though, I must admit that I will miss your presence. _

_ -Fen’harel _

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net _

_ Subject: Would you rather inappropriate thoughts? _

_ I’ll miss you too. _

_ -Mae _

………………………

Of course, I’m late to meet Solas in the morning. I had decided to stop by the coffee shop near campus and get us some caffeine. They took way longer than I had budgeted for in my morning timeline. I’m only 15 minutes late, but I just know that he’s going to be disappointed.

He’s leaning on the outside of this car, arms crossed and one leg against the side, when I pull up.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I mumble repeatedly as I fumble for my bag out of the trunk, then reach back for the drinks that had delayed me. “I just...I wanted to get you something. It made me late. I’m….I’m sorry.” I bumble around, bags hitting against one another in my hurry.

He raises an eyebrow at me, not quite amused. “I said seven, Mae.”

I smile broadly and hold out the cup that says ‘Best Ever’ on the name line. “I got you tea!”

Solas’s face becomes impassive. “You got me tea.” He says flatly.

“Well yeah. It’s early and I know you don’t drink coffee, so,” I push the cup toward him again, “tea.”

He holds out both of his hands; one for my luggage and the other for his tea. “Just get in the car, Mae.” His words come out as a sigh, but the corners of his lips are slightly  lifted when he reads the cup.

The car is black with black leather seats and chrome hardware accents. It’s significantly more fashionable than I would have given Solas credit for. The car jostles a little as he closes the trunk and then gets into the driver’s seat. I sleepily nurse my mocha as he starts us on the way out of the parking lot.

A surprising amount of people are on the roads around campus. Instead of waiting for a reasonable opening, Solas slams on the gas and pulls into a small break between two passing cars.

I let out a little yelp and hold onto the door, bracing for impact. It doesn’t come. We are so very lucky. “Solas! We aren’t that late!” I gasp.

He smirks and ignores me completely.

The drive doesn’t get better. He hurries along the interstate like there is no such thing as a posted speed limit. Also, the habit he has of darting around cars in every lane is terrifying. My hand has a death grip on the little handle by the ceiling. Fen’harel is going to kill me if I die in a car accident with another guy.

Somehow we make it to the airport in one piece.

I look over at him with wide eyes. “I am never accepting a ride from you again.”

He tilts his head to the side and gives me that awful smug smirk that he always has at the ready. “I would never put you in danger. No maneuver I made was actually a risk. I am very familiar with the limits and dimensions of my car, Mae.”

“It’s always the quiet ones.” I grumble, scrambling to unbuckle  myself. The task is beyond me as I’m shaking from the stress of the ride.

Solas leans over and pops open the belt for me. He’s very close. “There. We’d best be on our way.” He grabs both of our bags out of the trunk and starts off toward the terminal while I’m still sitting in the car recovering from the drive. I run to catch up with him.

Security goes smoothly and we make it to the gate in perfect time.

“Look who finally showed up.” Vivienne says with an air of annoyance, because for some reason everything seems to annoy her. “It’s nice of you to join us. I’ve been stuck with this for the past half hour.” She gestures toward Dorian with the magazine in her hand.

Dorian rolls his eyes. “Yes, good morning to you.” He re-crosses his legs and goes back to reading the book in his lap. Solas and I exchange glances and take seats beside them as we wait.

“Now boarding, first class.” A speaker calls out about twenty minutes later.

Both Dorian and Vivienne grab up their amazingly chic bags and start to move toward the jet bridge.

“Hey!” I call out. “That was for first class. I doubt the university paid for us to have first class tickets.”

The two of them chuckle.

“Of course we upgraded.” Vivienne smiles like I’m a child who has said something stupid.

Dorian looks disgusted. “Yes, I’m not riding in coach for the three hours to Denerim.”

And off they go.

“You didn’t upgrade, did you?” I look over at Solas, now worried that I’ll be alone for the trip. I hate flying.

“No, I believe it to be a waste of resources.” He nudges my shoulder with his. “It seems you are stuck with me for a bit longer this morning.”

“I’m glad.” I smile and nudge him back. At least I’ll get to be near someone pleasant for the ride. 

Finally, we get to board the plane. I pass Dorian and Vivienne who are both seated comfortably; she is drinking some fancy looking coffee while skimming a fashion magazine and Dorian already has on a sleep mask and blanket.

Solas stashes our bags above us, I’m a little too short to comfortably get my roller up there. We are the only two seated in the row of four, so there’s a seat between us, allowing for some room to spread out. The plane starts to taxi and my knuckles turn white from the grip I have on the arm rest.

Beside me there is movement as Solas slips one seat closer. “It appears that you may have an aversion to flying.” His voice is calm and kind. “I thought maybe you’d feel better if I were closer.” I don’t speak but just look at him, blankly. “I can move back if you prefer.”

The plane starts to accelerate, taking off. I grab onto Solas’s hand instead of the plastic arm rest. “No, I’m good with you here.” Then, I close my eyes. “As long as you don’t mind not having use of your arm for portions of the next few hours.”

He chuckles and I can hear him flipping open a book. “If that is what you need, then by all means.” I go through periods of being calm, followed by intense discomfort for the entirety of the flight. I can’t even keep a normal conversation going. I just blare music through my headphones and try to imagine being anywhere else. Metal objects weighing numerous tons should not fly through the air; any amount of turbulence induces a deep sense of panic. Solas just keeps his arm resting within easy reach for the whole three hours. He doesn’t acknowledge my horribly embarrassing clinging, instead just calmly reads his book. 

Thankfully, the landing in Denerim goes as well as a landing can go for me. I hold Solas’s hand with a crushing grip. He looks over at me for the first time, eyes darting around. It’s almost like he’s going to say something, but ends up remaining silent. Instead, his thumb softly caresses mine in regular intervals like he’s trying to make me think of something else.

When the plane stops he gives my hand one final squeeze and I let him go. “Thank you.” I mumble as my face turns a bit pink.

“It is no trouble.” He half smiles, then nods his head toward first class. “Now, we’ll have to rush again. I’m sure our colleagues won’t want to wait for  us lowly third-class.”

I snort in an amazingly undignified way, which makes him smile fully. “If we let them go at it alone, who knows what sort of taxi we’ll get to the hotel.”

The four of us manage to catch a moderately nice cab; Vivienne sits up front and I’m squished between the two men. At least they smell nice. Our ride to the hotel is actually terrifying; Solas did have a very good sense of space where this guy doesn’t. I have death grips on both Solas and Dorian’s knees within the first thirty seconds. Once again, Solas pretends it’s not happening, but Dorian, in a surprise comforting gesture, puts his hand over mine and gives me a wink.

Our hotel is where the actual conference is being held, just down the road from the palace. Day sessions will happen in the huge meeting rooms on the first floor, but the banquet and ball will be in the actual palace. Honestly, it’s beautiful and I’m excited to get to go back without any “diplomatic” duties at the same time, I just hope that this isn’t an awful mistake.

Dorian approaches the front desk. “Good afternoon, we are here for the block of rooms set aside for the University of Ferelden’s World Languages and Cultures.”

“Ah, yes.” The woman at the desk smiles and types into the computer. “Here are your room keys.”

Solas grabs them. “There are only three keys here.” He glares over at Dorian who pales a bit.

I roll my eyes. “That’s fine.” I step up to the desk. “Can I get a room, then?”

She shakes her head. “I’m sorry, but we are fully booked.” Of course. I traveled all this way for nothing.

“Viv?” I say, pleading, but pretty sure I know the answer.

“Oh, darling, no. I will not be sharing.” She shrugs, takes a key from Solas and walks off toward the elevator.

Dorian looks over, actually apologetic. “I’m sorry. I had thought they would have updated the roster.” He takes a key. “I would offer, considering this is somewhat my fault, but I’m meeting someone…” His explanation trails off. I already know of his involvement with the Iron Bull, in vivid detail. Bull is not a subtle man. I’m sure Dorian doesn’t know, though. He goes off toward the stairs, his shoulders hunched a little.

I pull out my phone to look for other hotels nearby; someone has to have a room open.

Solas fidgets with the card in his hand, thinking. “Why didn’t you ask me?”

My eyes shoot up to him. “Solas, you’ve already been saddled with me for the majority of the day. I can’t possibly impose myself on you any more.”

“I am willing, Mae.” He says softly, almost like he’s embarrassed. “I would not have you worry about transportation or a place to stay. There will be more than enough room.” He shifts from one foot to the other. “I am also a complete gentleman.”

I sigh, smiling, but really annoyed at the same time. “I never doubted.” I reach over and take the card from him. “Why are you so good to me?”  

He laughs heartily. “I would not be so pleased. Perhaps I kick in my sleep, or sing poorly in the shower.”

“I guess I’ll have to let you know.” My steps stutter as my mind catches up to the situation. Shit. I’m spending the weekend in a room with not my boyfriend. Maybe boyfriend is not the right word. I have no idea what to call Fen’harel and me. Regardless, I should let him know. “Hey, I….need to send an email.”

Solas nods holding out his hand. “I’ll go back up to the desk and get a second key for the room.” I hand him the key and he goes back over to the woman we were just talking to.

I pull up my email on my phone:

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net _

_ Subject: Don’t be mad _

_ I’ve arrived safely in Denerim. The university didn’t reserve enough rooms….so I’m sharing one with a colleague of mine. ….The colleague is a ‘he’. _

_ -Mae _

Solas come back and hands me my own key. “All is well?”

I nod. “As good as it’s going to get.”

Our room is up on the third floor, and after a silent and somewhat awkward walk, we go inside. It’s regal and dark with brocades and velvets; exactly what you’d expect for the hotel beside the palace proper. The bed is huge, which makes me feel less uncomfortable forcing Solas to share.

He puts his suitcase down on a bench by the far side of the room and rummages around for a bit. The sigh he heaves is dripping with defeat. “I need to run out and get some things.”

I hang up my garment bag. “Anything I can help you with?”

“No.” Solas says faster than normal. “No, it’s just that…well…” He’s turning a bright shade of pink. “I don’t usually have clothes for sleeping.”

“Oh?” I walk a few steps before his meaning washes over me. “Oh.” He means that he sleeps in the nude. “Oh! Solas. I…I’m so sorry. I didn’t even.”

He raises a hand to stop my shame spiral. “It’s no trouble. I promised to be a gentleman, yes? Sharing a bed with you without being properly clothed would certainly break that promise.” His troublesome brow raises a touch, “Unless, of course….”

I laugh and cover my eyes with my hand. “I hate you.” The thought of sleeping with Solas, naked, sends waves of heat through me. I wonder what he looks like under all those sweaters he wears. I wonder if the rest of him is as soft as his hands are.

“Mae?” his voice pulls me away from my wandering thoughts. “Do you need anything while I’m out?”

I try to flight down my embarrassment. “Nope. I’m perfectly fine.”  He grabs his jacket and leaves.

I throw myself across the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Thoughts of Solas that are less than appropriate keep trying to pierce into my mind. Thankfully, my email alert distracts me.

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.com _

_ Subject: Strike Two _

_ If you assume that I will be angry for things which are out of your control one more time, I will punish you severely. Is there some other reason you fear my wrath? _

_ -Fen’harel _

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net _

_ Subject: Yes, Fen’harel _

_ I’m sorry. Your displeasure is dually noted. And…maybe? _

_ -Mae _

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.com _

_ Subject: Final Warning _

_ Little one, do not toy with me. I may not be at your side, but all rules still apply. Have you forgotten? Must you be reminded? _

_ -Fen’harel _

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net _

_ Subject: No, Fen’harel _

_ You are maddening, Fen’harel. No, I have not forgotten. No, I am not toying with you. I am embarrassed. I might have a tiny crush on the man I’m staying with. _

_ -Mae _

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.com _

_ Subject: Mae’s Crush _

_ I see. Shall I begin to rewrite our rules? _

_ -Fen’harel _

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net _

_ Subject: Mae Will Crush You _

_ Don’t be ridiculous. We work together and I’ve only known him for a few months. _

_ -Mae _

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.com _

_ Subject: Violence is Never Wise _

_ To be fair, we slept together the first time we met. _

_ -Fen’harel _

 

“That was different!” I scream at my phone.

There’s a rustle near the doorway. “What was different?” Solas says with a hint of amusement. I hadn’t even heard him come in.

“Nothing, just having a stupid disagreement with a friend.” I slam my phone down on the side table. “Find anything good?”

He lifts the bag up. “It’ll do. Come on, opening sessions will be starting soon.”

The opening talks are completely political. I shouldn’t have expected anything else from a conference held by the royals. I bet Teagan came up with the idea. Insufferable man. They blather on about how dedicated Ferelden is to the academy and how The Circle will always be supported inside of its borders. My coworkers and I all sit with impassive faces not buying a single word.

The blatant politicking is the subject of our derision during dinner and drinks at a posh little Rivani restaurant where we sit on cushions at a low table. Despite the fact that our knees keep bumping against one another, I do my best to keep my eyes averted from Solas. Fen’harel’s messages sparked something in me that I’m not entirely proud of. I’m actually attracted to the guy more than I thought and, god damn it, he sleeps naked.

Around twelve thirty in the morning, Solas stretches, “I think it’s well past a reasonable time for bed.” He looks over at me. “You will not bother me if you stay out, but we have an early morning.”

Fen’harel said bed by one on weekends when I’m not with him. As much as I’d love to drink more with Dorian, I’ve already pissed off the Dread Wolf enough for one day. “You’re right, let’s go.”

Solas holds out his arm for me almost like Blackwall. I look at him, confused. “You’ve had a few drinks Mae, I’d hate for you to fall.”

He’s right. I’m a touch tipsy, damn Dorian. We easily stroll back to our room. I’m allowed the bathroom first. I wash off all my makeup, braid back my hair, and put on my tank and shorts. It’s better than being naked, but leaves little to the imagination. “Warning,” I laugh as I open the door. “Zombie Mae approaches.”

Solas is sitting in one of the armchairs and considers me for a second. “Tired?”

“No, I just have a tendency to look like the undead without any makeup on.” I chuckle and hold out my arms like those tacky movie monsters.

He grabs a little pile of clothes and toiletries. “You look like yourself, Mae. Perhaps a bit younger, but still breathtaking.” The man flings compliments like they’re nothing. He walks past me, our shoulders just barely brushing.

I curl up on one side of the bed and try to still my racing heart. Eventually, Solas joins me on the other side. Honestly, there’s enough room for a third person to rest comfortably between us. “I can set an alarm for us if you wish.” He says softly.

I roll to look at him. He’s in a long sleeved thermal and long pajama pants. It is exactly the opposite of sleeping without clothes on. I feel awful. “I can set my own, I’ll need about an hour to get ready.”

“So long?” He frowns.

“Some of us are not as naturally as attractive as you.” The words slip from my mouth before I can think.

The tips of his ears turn pink. “I…well….” Apparently, he is not quite used to receiving compliments. He clears his throat. “I’ll make sure to give you your time, then.” His arm reaches out and clicks off the light. “Sleep well, Mae.”

“Good night, Solas.” I hum, scooting as far away from him as possible. I can hear him shuffling around trying to get comfortable. “Everything alright?” 

He sighs. “Yes, it is just…warm.”

“I won’t be offended if…”

“No, I will be fine.” He cuts me off with a sense of finality.

I try to close my eyes, but my mind won’t stop wandering. We are sharing a bed, on a weekend, when I’m used to getting fabulously fucked, and I know he’d rather be naked.

It is going to be a very long trip. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Weekend, lovely humans!!! 
> 
> I hope you're all staying warm and cozy! We are getting tons of snow dumped on us here. Also, I won't be posting until after the holiday, so, Happy (American) Thanksgiving! 
> 
> Next Time: Saturday presentations and the Ball. 
> 
> Thank you to [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) who is the most fantastic of betas! 
> 
> Also, thanks to the solasmancers chat for helping me flesh out Solas's driving habits! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as[TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).


	9. Banquet

A light peeking through the cracks around the bathroom door wake me. I half open my eyes just in time to see Solas in gym clothes walking back into the main part of our room.

He looks guilty for a second, clearly not meaning to wake me, but his face softens into what my hazy eyes see as open affection. He pauses at my side of the bed and speaks softly. “I am sorry, you should rest, it is still early. I am going for my morning workout.” I nod sleepily and pull more blankets up around my chin. His hand starts to help, but he stops. “I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

I fall back asleep until my alarm starts beeping. I groan and press snooze. Thirty minutes later, I’m late and jump out of bed, running to the bathroom with my makeup. There was something I was supposed to remember, but I can’t quite recall what in my uncaffinated state. I pull my hair into a pony tail; it’s always wavy enough to look like I maybe did something to fix it. Bits near my face fall from the tie, but I let it go. There’s no time to fix it. Professional makeup gets thrown on.

I’m ripping my pajamas off, when the door opens. What I was supposed to remember walks into the room. “Mae, I brought you some coffee.” Solas greets, his eyes getting wide as he notices that I’m topless.

At least my back is to him.

I wrap my arms around my bare chest. “Good morning, Solas.” I sputter, not looking at him.

He sets the drink carrier down on a table near the door. “My eyes are closed. Are you done in the bathroom?”

I nod, but realize he wouldn’t be able to see it. “Yes.” My voice cracks.

“I’ll just….” He tries to move around the room, but almost trips over the coffee table on his way to the shower. Solas is bright pink and adorably out of sorts.

An unexpected laugh leaves my mouth. “I’m sorry Solas, I completely forgot when you were going to be back. I was just running late and….” I sigh and walk over to him, putting a hand on the arm that isn’t covering his eyes. “Let me help you.”

His voice comes out lower than usual. “Mae, really, you…”

“Oh! I have a better idea. Just stand still. You’ll hurt yourself.” I go throw on my tank top again. “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

Slowly, he lowers his hand. “I am terribly sorry.”

“It was my fault. Now, you can grab whatever you need without worrying.” I smile and nod, pleased that I stopped the ridiculousness of the situation.

His eyes travel up and down my body, his throat bobbing as he swallows deeply. “I’ll just grab some things and….” He darts past me, grabs his bag, and disappears into the bathroom.

I melt into a pile of embarrassed giggles on the bed, pulling myself into a ball. My position makes me realize two things: one, that the room is very cold, and two, that I hadn’t put my bra back on before grabbing my thin sleeping tank.

Poor Solas.

After dressing in some nice black skinny pants and a floral blouse, I sit on the chair and sip my coffee, trying to not think about the showering, naked, traumatized man on the other side of the door.

He comes out in dark khakis and a green striped button up, and eyes attempting to not look at me.

“I promise I’m fully dressed now, Solas. You can look at me.” I snort teasing him over the edge of my cup.

Solas walks over to grab his brown corduroy blazar and stiffly mumbles something that sounds like “Yes, look, but do not touch.” But that can’t be what he said.

“What?” I ask for clarification.

He shakes his head. “I apologize, I’m just a little out of touch with the concept of sharing a space with someone. I should be more conscientious.”

“Why are _you_ so upset? I was the one not paying attention, also if anyone was supposed to be affronted by this it’s me. If anything, you could have gotten a free show.” I wink, lifting my drink in a mock toast.

His eyebrow arches, almost angry. “As you say, Mae.”

The Saturday sessions are actual academics and not politicians. Most of them are interesting simply because they are not my field of study, but then Vivienne takes the podium for her presentation. I hadn’t been told any of our department was presenting.

She looks like such a badass with her usual sky high heels and a red power suit. “The connected academies throughout Thedas, or as they are better known The Circles, are at risk.” Oh no. This had better not turn into what I think it is. “By supporting the Templar Order, a new political fad has shown that in their ideal world free thought and self-reflection are not welcome.” It is exactly what I think it is. “I argue that the Inquisition and its Herald are an oppressive totalitarian regime who mean to undermine all academic discourse that could possibly move against their unscrupulous victories.”

As she continues to talk, I sink deeper and deeper into my chair. I want to cry. I’m so angry, but not at Vivienne. I’m angry with myself, with my Advisers, with Cullen. I hadn’t wanted to support the Templars, but Cullen had been one and he so passionately argued for them. How we could fix them, make them a peacekeeping force instead of the paramilitary that they had been turned into from poor leadership. “What has the Circle ever done for the people, Mae?” He kept asking me, his voice disappointed. Eventually, what I thought didn’t matter, though, I suppose it never did. Josephine put out the writ of our support while I was out on a goodwill visit to Denerim.

How kind of fate for this to pop back up right now.

Solas looks over at me, concerned. “Mae, are you alright?”

I ball my fists and push down the pain inside of me. “Of course.”

Something flashes in his eyes, familiar, but foreign at the same time. “Good. Then pay attention to your colleague.” He growls.

I nod, hiding my distress and listen to the last of her talk. “The Circles are a safe place for us, for intellectual rebellion. We should not be afraid of these people nor their message. Our skills can be used to keep them in check. I refuse to fear them; just let them try to censor me.” Vivienne bows a little. “Thank you.”

The audience erupts in cheers. It’s a rather undignified reaction from such a stuck up crowd. I’m sure there are informants around here somewhere. Somehow, someday, Vivienne is going to be in trouble. I’ll just have to make sure that I’m watching for the signs.

It’s time for a break.

“Brilliant as always, Dr. De Fer.” Dorian beams, nodding his head at Vivienne.

“Thank you, darling. I almost hope they hear about it.” She chuckles.

Solas smiles at her as well. “Yes, Vivienne, a rousing call to action.”

“Mae, are you alright? You look paler than usual.” Vivienne actually seems concerned. I must really look worse for wear.

“I’m just tired, sorry. Your talk was fantastic!” I beam, clapping my hands together excitedly.

Dorian’s eye twinkle with trouble. “Kept up late, were you?” He raises his eyebrow at Solas.

Solas rolls his eyes. I nervously chuckle. “No, just a different place. Makes it difficult to sleep for me.” Viv and Dorian share a look. No one is buying it and nothing even happened, not that my traitorous body didn’t want it to. “I’m going to go get some coffee.” I turn on my heel and try to speed out of the auditorium.

A hand on my arm stops me near the door. “Mae, what is wrong?” Solas emphasizes every word.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” I smile despite my shaking. “I just really need some caffeine. Tea, maybe?”

His frown deepens. “I think you’ve had enough.”

“Why do you care?” I scoff, letting through some of my internalized anger. “I am a grown woman. I can make my own choices!”

The grip on my arm squeezes slightly before he lets out a breath and drops his hand. “You’re right. Do as you wish.” His jaw is tight with tension.

I take a few steps and he stays still. I shouldn’t misplace my past hurts on him. He’s just trying to look after me, like he always is. “Solas, would you like anything?”

His face falters for a moment. “I…no. Thank you.”

I hold out my hand to him. “Come with me?” His displeased face becomes confused. “I know you want to. Make sure I don’t talk to strangers or whatever?”

Solas pauses, thinking through what I believe is a very simple choice. He straightens his shoulders and holds out an arm to escort me. “Wouldn’t want you speaking to strangers, now would we?”

* * *

The sessions finish in the late afternoon so that we all have time to get ready for the banquet in the evening.

Solas surrenders the bathroom to me. “I have no need for a mirror to ready myself,” He explained.

Shower and dry my hair before taming my waves with a curling iron. Then, a pink glittery eyeshadow with a winged liner, a natural flush and lips. It’s easy considering the amount of time I’d spent watching people get me ready as the Herald for events.

I considered wearing the dress that Cullen had given me; it had never been worn. Zevran forbade it and took it upon himself to find something for me instead. The man has exquisite taste, honestly, his dress looks much more like myself than the slightly too tight bright blue satin I was going to wear.

Instead, I’m outfitted in a navy chiffon with a sweetheart neckline and sheer cap sleeves. The dress ends at my knee and is just sort of happily flowy from the waist down. I grabbed a jeweled silver belt and pumps to dress it up a little bit more.

The only thing left is the small silver locket my mother gave to me when I left home. After a few failed tries to put it on, I give up. “Solas, could you come help me?”

He opens the door slowly as if he’s afraid to see me naked again. “Yes?”

I hold out the necklace looking down to slide my shoes on. “Will you put this on for me? I can’t get the clasp.”

“Of course.” Solas is wearing a medium grey three piece suit, even his shirt is a grey-ish white. The tie looks exactly like something that Dorian would choose and Solas would have eventually agreed to wear; it’s a two toned blue lace pattern.

He looks stunning, like himself, but refined and tailored. My lips part in awe of him.

Solas must notice because he smiles shyly and pinks up a bit.

In just one try, the chain is fastened around my neck. His hand rests on the back of my neck for a moment as he looks at the two of us in the mirror. The warmth of his hand against my bare skin makes my stomach feel like it’s full of butterflies. We make for a handsome pair. Coincidentally, his tie matches me, unless Zevran has been going around and orchestrating everyone’s wardrobes.

He looks blissfully lost for a moment as he observes us and just barely caresses my neck with his thumb.

“Picture perfect.” I smile.

He blinks twice and quickly steps away from me. “Um…yes….Mae you are stunning.”

“You’re stunning yourself, fancy dressed man.” I wrap an arm around his waist and give him a forced side hug. “Ready to be stuck as my escort?”

He handsomely smirks. “It is an honor, Dr. Lavellan.”

Dorian and Vivienne meet us in the lobby and we walk the block over to the palace. The banquet puts us at a small table for dinner and some random speeches and a rather delicious dinner. Near the end of the meal, a little horn blows and an actual herald calls out. “And now, ladies and gentlemen, please rise for his Majesty Alistair Therein.”

I stand up slowly and clap politely with everyone else, hoping that he won’t notice me. Most nobles wouldn’t. I look completely different, but Alistair is different from the rest of them. Handsome as always, he’s in a black and red dress uniform, very Ferelden.

Alistair walks up to the head table from a side door and smiles kindly. “Please everyone don’t let me interrupt your meal. Sit, please.” Everyone does. “I just want to welcome you to my home and to thank you profusely for attending this weekend. It means so much to me to have your help in showing my support for our universities.” He is glancing around the room as he speaks, but pauses on me. It could be nothing. “You are all valuable members of our community. Thank you for your talents. Thank you for your time.” He bows a little to all of us and takes his seat to more applause.

Dessert begins and the head table starts chatting like the rest of us.  

“Is it just me, or does the King have wandering eyes?” Vivienne winks at me.

“How could he not? He’s yet to marry and young enough to be reasonably interested.” Dorian looks at the King, approving.

“No, that’s silly.” I take a drink to hide my blush.

Solas has to add on, “You are the most beautiful woman in the room. He’d be blind if he were not interested.”

I choke on my water. “Thank you, everyone. Can we please talk about _anything_ else?”

The doors open into the ballroom and I make my escape. My friends eventually meet me in a corner of the hall with glasses of sparkling wine.

Alistair is making rounds to talk to various groups of people. I keep my back turned with the hope that we are not important enough to be spoken to. “Ah! Dr. De Fer!” I hear Alistair’s charming voice over my shoulder. My hopes of unimportance are quickly dashed. “I heard about your rousing speech this afternoon. Well done!” He encourages her, taking her hand a giving it a kiss. Solas shoves my shoulder so that I’m no longer with my back partially to royalty. “Dr. Pavus, Dr. Revas, I’m happy that you were able to attend.” The men exchange little bows. “Your work is a boon to Ferelden.”

His smile brightens when his eyes meet mine. “And you are?” His voice is soft and sweet. I know he knows it’s me, but he’s not breaking my cover. Alistair is a good man.

“Dr. Maellana Lavellan, Your Highness.” I smile and curtsey a bit. “I am a new postdoctoral student under the supervision of Dr. Pavus.”

“Might I have this dance, Dr. Lavellan?” He bows lower than he did to the others and holds out a hand.

Dorian looks like he has just been smacked across the face, but is happy about it. Vivienne is nearly giggling with delight and Solas has a tension in his body that I could have mistaken for anger. I suppose he must hate parties, especially ones this large.

“As you wish, Your Majesty.” I put my hand in his and allow myself to be taken to the middle of the dance floor.”

I giggle a little as Alistair spins me into his arms. “Hello, Mae.” He says in a low voice so that no one will overhear us.

“Hello again, Alistair.” I grin happily and squeeze his hand a little tighter.

“I wondered where you had gone off too. They kept sending Josephine to speak to me. Something about you having a retreat before the wedding.” He holds me a little closer to him, intimate enough that people would likely stay away for fear of angering the King.

I sigh. “I had to get out of there. I’d already lost so much of myself.”

“I thought you had disbanded them.” He says brows furrowing.

“I thought I had too.” I frown.

His thumb strokes the back of my hand. “I know what it’s like for other people to try to use you as a puppet for their own gains. It took me almost ten years to wrest control of myself away from my uncle.”

“I’ve missed you.” I whisper. He was one of the few people who treated me like a person. Who cared what I actually thought while I was Herald of the Inquisition. He is fun and witty and kind.

“What happened with Cullen?”  He says harsher than seems warranted.

I shrug. “We had different ideas about what was important. I wanted to retire and be done with all of this, but they convinced him to say and fight the fight.”

“He was always an idiot.” Alistair shakes his head. “I met him back when I was in the mixed forces. He was in a Templar group we did an operation with. Never liked him.”

“I loved him.” I say sadly.

Alistair’s deep amber eyes hold mine, filled with the same sadness. “I understand, if that helps.” He had been terribly in love with a woman he fought beside, but was forced to give it up when he ascended to the throne. He gets a playful look on his face and quickly spins me around, dipping me, before pulling me back into a normal dance hold.

I laugh like I’ve never been burdened in my life. “Alistair you’re going to get yourself in so much trouble!” I chide him with a smile. “You should be representing the kingdom.”

“Maybe I found a pretty girl instead.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Much more important, you see, I’m nearing my mid-thirties and am still unmarried. You wouldn’t want to be Queen, would you?”

“You couldn’t pay me enough for that job.” I roll my eyes and close the space between us again.

“You’re lucky you got engaged when you did. Teagan was about to send a contract for arranging our marriage.” He chuckles. “Just imagine. Taking the Inquisitor for Ferelden.”

I smile wryly. “Yes, take away the head of the snake and all his problems would have been gone. Little did he know that I was just a pretty mask for the real Inquisition.” I let out a little amused gasp. “That’s why we were unchaperoned all those times! Teagan, you sly bastard.”

“At least we would have made fabulously attractive children.” He is right about that. He’s built like Cullen, but with redder hair and browner eyes, maybe a little taller. And his smile has gotten him out of innumerable bouts with trouble.

“Alistair!” I swat at his shoulder with my free hand.

His face sobers. “I’m serious Mae. Come be my Queen. They’ll never be able to take you back.” He pauses, eyes darting between mine. “I see _you_ , Maellana. Not the porcelain doll they created. Not the Herald. You, Mae. Kind, smart, brave and a _fabulous_ dancer. We could bolster the academy and you could do whatever you wanted.”

My breath catches in my throat. “You’re serious.” He nods. I think about my job and my little apartment. Mostly, Fen’harel’s handsome masked face pushes forward into my mind. I mean, I don’t even know who he is, but for once in my life someone truly cares about me.

The voice in my head screams ‘No. Just say no.’ But instead I say nothing.

“Just think about it.” He looks vulnerable. “I need a partner and there aren’t many who could deal with some of the things we must as leaders. I admire you greatly and am thankful to have been blessed with your friendship all these years. That’s as good a place to start as any, right?”

The song ends and he steps back from me, still holding my hand. “Thank you for the dance, Mae. You are safe within my borders. If you are ever in need of anything, I am only a phone call away.” He kisses my hand, light brown eyes locked onto mine.

As he stands I step closer and raise up to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Alistair. You are one of the best men I’ve met.”

His lip’s form a smile. “Oh, Teagan is going to be so cross with me.”

A hand rests on my lower back as my heels hit the ground again. “Mae, I was going to grab a drink. Could I get you anything?” Solas says into my ear, but it looks like he’s staring down Alistair. I was so wrapped up in what was going on that I didn’t even notice him walk over.

“Oh, I see.” Alistair’s smile turns a little sad.

“Alistair?” I say, confused.

He gives me a playful wink, preparing to go back to being His Majesty. “Have a nice rest of your evening, Dr. Revas, Mae.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday!!!!!! 
> 
> I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday! I ate way too much and was really happy about it. Also, I want to let you know how thankful I am for all of you! Thank you for your support and for reading and for all your amazing comments. You make me so unbelievably happy and I hope to continue making you happy as well! 
> 
> Next Time: Mae and Solas dance as well has have night 2 of sleeping together. 
> 
> I'm also super thankful for [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) who is the most amazing beta! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as[TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).


	10. Falling *

“Solas, did you just…” I turn around quickly and glare at him. Somehow, my coworker just nonverbally fought off the King of Ferelden in a turf war over me.

He blanches for a second, stiffening with frustration. “Mae, that man had his hands all over you. It appeared that he was taking advantage.” Part of me had hoped that maybe he had acted for other reasons, but I guess he’s just being his usual self and trying to look out for me however he can.

I roll my eyes. “Thank you for thinking so little of me, but Alistair wouldn’t take advantage of anyone.” We are standing far enough into the dance floor that we will get in the way of other couples, and I would rather not have this conversation closer to our coworkers. I hold out my hand to him. “Dance with me, Solas?”

Solas takes in a deep breath, eyes wide. “I apologize…yes.” Once he is recovered from his shock of being asked to dance, he pulls  me near yet keeping a respectable distance between our bodies.

It’s almost awkward. The two of us holding one another. My heart races with excitement as the warmth of his hand starts to seep through the layers of my dress. This is closer than we have been to one another for any period of time.  His steel eyes look intensely at my face, making me blush and avert my eyes.

“It seems that you know the King?” He asks quietly, perhaps a bit ashamed of his behavior.

I nod, but know that he’ll want more of an answer from me. “Yes, Alistair and I are old friends.”

“May I ask from where?” He presses, frowning like he already won’t believe what answer I give him.

“Would you believe that we went to school together?” I tease. Solas shakes his head. “I thought as much.” I sigh. “Well, um, my job before. I worked for the Inquisition.” The hand on my back spasms a bit. “Alistair was not like the other nobles who came to Skyhold. He would ask the names of everyone in the room, just so that he could properly address them. We all mattered to him.”

He frowns. “You know the King of Ferelden from your time with the Inquisition.”

“Good. I’m glad you were listening.” I say flatly.

“May I ask what you did for that farce of a political movement?” He raises a disdainful brow.

I knew Solas had firm opinions, but he rarely says things so forcefully. His derision is most often veiled in wit. “You may.” I smirk, being deliberately difficult.

Solas lets out a breath and reassuringly increases the pressure on my hand. “I am sorry, my distaste for them is in no way a reflection of my feelings toward you. I did not mean to offend.”

Part of me wants to laugh at his clarification. I  used to be exactly who he would hate from the Inquisition. If I can help it, he’ll never know, but the irony isn’t lost on me. “My job was not one of importance. I mostly just did whatever I was told to.” The entirety of his statement makes my stomach feel like it bottoms out. “And what are your feelings?”

He looks a touch confused. “I’m sorry?”

“You said that your feelings about the Inquisition are not the same as how you feel about me.” I say softly, pointedly looking at his tie instead of his face. I shouldn’t have said anything. There’s no way that he would return the crush I have on him.

“My feelings…for you…” His voice drops off before coming back with more resolve. “Mae, please look at me.” I slowly meet his waiting eyes. “You are a remarkable woman.”

He says nothing else, but continues to peer deep into my soul.

My words come out dripping with my insecurities, “Is that all?”

The corners of his lips fall further. “Mae I…” The last few chords of the song play. “I think perhaps we should return to our friends. I am sure they will have many questions about the King.”

“Oh.” I blink a few times pushing away the veils misunderstanding and forcing a convincing smile. “Yes, I suppose you are right. Thank you, by the way, for being concerned about me with Alistair.”

He keeps my hand held in his as we start to walk over to the corner occupied by Vivienne and Dorian. “I should apologize again. It was not my place to attempt to defend your honor.”

“I suppose someone has to.” I tease bumping his shoulder with mine. “It might as well be you.”

Dorian hands me a glass of wine. “So, the King?” 

I look at my current roommate with narrowed eyes. He pretends to not notice me.

“Yes, what about the King?” I look back at Dorian with an innocent smile.

Beside me Vivienne leans over and speaks softly into Solas’s ear before grabbing him by the shoulder and more or less dragging him away from Dorian and me.

Dorian throws his head back and laughs. “You can’t hide it from me, the two of you were quite chummy. Love at first sight? Shall I start looking for a replacement?”

“Thank you for the enthusiasm, but no. I suppose I simply had a wonderful dance with a wonderful man.” I wink and take a long drink of wine, white wine. Dorian be praised. I’m not in the mood for the stupid red wine rule right now. It isn’t as if Fen’harel can see me.

He makes a thoughtful sound and glances over to where Solas is looking unamused while Vivienne speaks. “I suppose being interrupted didn’t help.”

“Solas was just trying to make sure I was fine. His concern, however, was a bit misplaced.” I heave a sigh and run my free hand through my hair.

Dorian frowns and takes a drink, as if he is thinking about whether or not he should say what he’s about to. “I know it’s not my place, but Maker’s sake, you two are the most ridiculous pair I have ever had to endure.”

“I don’t…”

“Of course you don’t. Idiots: the lot of you.” His  frustration is quickly tempered by something softer. “Look, Bull told me about your previous relationship.”

“What?!” I sputter.

Dorian takes my hand in his. “I know he was abusive and I know how that can devastate your sense of self. One day you’ll open your heart again and when you do, remember that Solas is nothing like the awful pig you were with before.”

So, Bull lied to his boyfriend. I knew that part of why I got the job was as a favor; I mean I am certainly qualified, but Bull was the  one who encouraged Dorian take me. I guess he said I needed out of an abusive relationship, which in some sense I did. Just, the relationship he’s referring to wasn’t Cullen specifically.

I can’t believe Dorian just called Cullen an awful pig. I think Dorian would be mortified if he knew that’s who it was.  

I’m struck by how strange the last hour has been. “Um…thank you, Dorian?”

For some reason I had thought that work was the place where everything was normal for me and weekends were where everything is turned on its head, though I do suppose this is a weekend.

He squeezes my hand a little too tightly and chugs back the last of his wine. “While we are alone, I do want to apologize for my careless behavior in neglecting to tell you about this trip. It’s not an excuse, but my father is a politician in Tevinter and, well, he’s getting on with some party that is packed with all sorts of unsavory people. I’ve been trying to change his mind, but we…we are currently not on speaking terms.”

“Oh, Dorian. I’m so sorry.” I squeeze his hand back. “I’m not upset, everything has worked out.”

He quickly returns to looking fine, a technique that I am more than familiar with. “Yes, except for the lack of a particular person getting laid.” Dorian quips.

“How do you know that I don’t spend my off time being ravished?” I giggle, letting the truth out in a joke.

Dorian scoffs. “He’s the one who needs to work out some frustration.”

“Yeah. I’ll be sure to work on that.” I say, dryly as the rest of our department starts to walk back over.

Solas stands pointedly closer to me than usual. Dorian seems amused, but Vivienne’s eyes harden.

I lean up to him and ask quietly, “Everything alright?”

He nods. “It is nothing worth discussing.”

The evening continues with small talk, wine, and a few dances with Dorian and Solas.

At midnight, the bells of the palace chime and I realize just how much my feet are hurting from my heels. “Solas, I think I’m going to head back.”

He looks at his watch despite the fact that we just heard the call of the hour. “I will accompany you. It is getting late.”

We say our goodnights to Vivienne and Dorian before heading out into the cold night. The seasons are changing in full force, soon we’ll be getting snow. It’s amazing how time passes. My mind wanders as I look up at the stars, twinkling in the navy sky. The admiration of the cosmos allows my high heel to become lodged between two cobblestones on the road.

I yelp as my body pitches forward and I grab onto Solas’s shoulder. He moves remarkably fast, catching me around the waist as my shoe breaks. “Mae, are you alright?!”

Laughter tumbles from my lips and the pure ridiculousness of the situation. “These were expensive shoes!”

“You should watch where you are walking.” He chides as he finally figures out what happened.

I look up at him, outlined by the distracting stars. His arm still tightly around my stomach. “But the sky is so beautiful.”

His eyes search mine as his ears turn slightly pink and he lets go of me. “Can you walk?”

“I’m fine, I just…” My confidence in my ability to walk plummets as I take a step in the broken shoe and almost fall again. “Never mind. Either I take my shoes off and walk barefoot or we are going to have a rather lengthy trip back.”

Solas lets out a long breath. “Might I propose another solution?” I nod. “I could carry you back. It’s faster than suffering through your unreliable walking and having your bare feet on the street of the capital is most undesirable.”

My brows furrow. I have no idea what to make of him right now. He wards off Alistair, then when confronted, he admits to not hating me, but that’s about it. I’m letting my feelings cloud my judgement. If we weren’t sharing a room. If I had spent the weekend with Fen’harel instead. Would I be conflicted over his offer? No. I wouldn’t. Solas is just that kind of person. “Alright,” I finally say.

He leans down and carefully places his arms before standing up, cradling me like a bride. “Is this okay?” His voice is a bit shaky. Luckily, no one we know is around to see this.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders. “Yes.” My whole body is fluttering with excitement as he holds me tightly and starts to walk to the hotel. He is strong and firm, but careful. I make sure to not hold onto him too intimately. I’d prefer to not make him uncomfortable.

Getting up to our room is a bit of an ordeal. Thankfully, there is an attendant at the front door to let us in. I reach around awkwardly to press all the buttons for the elevator and use the card key to open the door to our room. Only once we are inside does Solas let me down to the floor.

I’m still clinging around his neck and one of his hands is on my lower back. My breath catches as I realize how close we are together, my chest pressed to his. His lips part with an unsaid emotion before he steps away and purposefully walks over to the closet to hang his suit jacket.

I shake my head, trying to remove the fantasies running through my mind. Kicking my shoes off, I grab my pajamas and walk to the bathroom to change.

After only an inch or so of being pulled down, my zipper catches on some fabric and gets stuck. “Fuck.” I grumble to myself, stubbornly pulling at the metal toggle. Part of me wants to cry; the universe keeps putting me into the most uncomfortable positions. I’m half tempted to just rip the dress, but I can’t bring myself to damage the gift from Zevran.

“Solas?” I whimper, feeling pathetic.

Quick rustling moves toward the slowly opening bathroom door. “Mae?” His concerned voice greets me.

I turn toward him and point to my back. “It’s stuck.” His sleeves are rolled up and his tie is draped around his neck, undone. The top two buttons of the shirt are open, teasing at his bare chest.

He nods and moves behind me with a fluid grace. His fingers caress the bare skin of my upper back as he brushes my hair over my shoulder so that he can get to the zipper easier. I’m sure he can hear the pounding of my heart and quickness of my breath as he touches me.

A quick pull up and the zipper is freed. He pauses and I expect him to make a hasty retreat, but instead, he keeps going.

Slowly, he guides the zipper down my back. As the skin of my spine is exposed his other hand traces the freed parts of my back with his fingertips. I make a noise somewhere between a moan and a sigh, almost entranced by the feelings of his skin against mine.

He moves his hands away from my sliver of bare back, resting them on my hips. I can start feeling wetness gather between my legs.

“Solas.” I sigh, reaching behind me to trail my fingers along the side of his neck.

His thumbs rub circles along the flares of my hips as he leans down, breath hot against my ear. “Mae….We….I…” His voice is deeper, more gravely, but clearly strained.

Before I can say anything, someone knocks on the door. The spell is broken.

Solas pulls away from me like he was touching fire and purposefully moves to answer whoever is calling at this late hour. “A letter for you, sir.” A man’s voice answers when Solas opens the door.

I frown. “A letter?”

He looks back up at me with dark, conflicted eyes. “We should get ready for bed.”

“I suppose we should.” I whisper.

I close the bathroom door and sink to the floor. I’m amazingly disappointed in myself. Clearly even if Solas had feelings for me, he expressly doesn’t want to act on any of them. It would be inappropriate, I suppose, for him to become entangled with the postdoc.

Fen’harel.  

I groan and drop my head into my hands. If the door or Solas hadn’t stopped us, I would have kept going. I would have broken the rules and his trust. I’m a terrible person. I’ll need to tell him.

I stare at my phone.

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net _

_ Subject: I’m Sorry. _

_ Things got more heated with my coworker than I expected. Nothing actually happened. I’m sorry. I understand if you don’t want me anymore. _

_ -Mae _

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.com _

_ Subject: Peace _

_ Oh, little one. I am sorry you feel distressed. These things happen when one is as lovely as you. Do not fret. Nothing happened. You have betrayed no one. If you wish, we can talk about this in more detail when you return. _

_ It is late. You should be in bed. _

_ I miss you. _

_ -Fen’harel _

 

By the time I pull myself together and get ready for bed, Solas is already underneath the sheets. All of the lights are out except the one on my side table. “Good night.” I whisper, turning off the lights and curling up under the blankets.

“Good night.” Solas says softly, turning over to look at me. “Mae, we’re fine. It was never my intent to upset you.” I can’t see him in the darkness, but I’m sure he looks both worried and contrite.

I curl up into a tighter ball. “It’s alright Solas. I’m just as to blame. I’m sorry.”

“Mae?” He calls softly, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Sleep well.”

Maybe I haven’t messed everything up.

* * *

I’m in the hotel room and I’m naked. My wrists are tied together.

“You’ve behaved very badly, little one.” Fen’harel’s deep voice says from behind me.

A quick glance over my shoulder shows that the man who means to punish me is some strange combination of Solas and Fen’harel; the prior’s head with the body and voice of the latter. While I know there is something fundamentally wrong with this picture, I cannot help but be extremely excited by it.

One of his hands caresses down my side before pushing my shoulders, sending me toppling onto the bed. The air is just slightly knocked out of me.

He grabs my ankle and drags me half off the bed, ass in the air. “Rules apply even when you are away from home.” He growls pushing down on my lower back to lift my behind higher. Something whistles through the air and then I feel amazing pain as a paddle slams into my rounded flesh.

I scream. He hasn’t warmed me up at all. I look back at him again, wanting to protest.

“You will remember this lesson, dear one.” He smirks, quickly bringing the square black paddle back into contact with my bottom.

I yell again, but a familiar heat starts to radiate along my skin ever so slightly.

Another slapping sound. Another cry, but a small moan as well.

He chuckles darkly. “Wanton girl.”

A set of three quick hits. My hands ball into fists as I start to writhe against the bed. I want this so bad. “Yes, Fen’harel.” I beg.

I lose count of the number of spanks. My behind and lower back are throbbing while tears roll down my cheeks.

He lets out a single hum and caresses over the stinging skin. “I’m going to fuck you, Mae.”

“Please.” I groan.

Solas spanks me hard, making me scream. “Please, what?”

“Please, Solas.”

“Good.” He purrs as he slides a digit into my dripping wet body. “Your eagerness will never cease to please me.” His hands grasp hard against my waist, quickly seating himself inside of me. My sensitive skin scrapes against his body, making me crazy with lust. “I will not wait for you, little one. Should you wish to come you’ll have to hurry up.” He teases between snaps of his hips.

I cry in frustration, shifting up onto my toes so that he hits deeper inside of me. Finally, he begins to fit perfectly.

Solas starts to growl behind me as he reaches his climax. Luckily, as he picks up speed for himself, he pleases me exquisitely. I can feel myself about to come. “Good girl.” He praises, breathless, throbbing against my walls.

* * *

The tensing of muscles between my thighs wakes me and the pleasure of the dream joins me in the waking world. I grasp the fabric below my hand while I heave a satiated sigh. As the fog of unexpected climax leaves me, I realize that I’m tangled up with Solas in our shared bed in Denerim.

I stifle a groan of mortification and unwrap my leg from between his as well as let go of the bit of his nightshirt that I’m clasping.   

He looks peacefully asleep and blissfully unaware of the fact that I just woke up literally orgasming on him.

I have never been more embarrassed in my life.

I roll over and put my back to him.

Thankfully we head back home tomorrow and I’ll never have to share a bed with him again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday, beautiful people!!! I hope that your week went well!!! We are 2 weeks away from finals, so everything is pretty hectic here. 
> 
> Next Time: Mae returns home to a surprise. 
> 
> A thank you goes out to [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) who is STILL the most amazing beta! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as[TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).


	11. Lock*

A vibrating sound followed by a shifting of the bed rouses me far earlier than I was expecting. I also feel a bit warmer than usual, probably left over embarrassment from my dream.

“What?” Solas grumbles, heavy with sleep. I can hear the muffled sound of someone talking to him through the phone. “Lovely. See you then.” He does not sound any more chipper.

I roll over to look at him, but refuse to open my eyes. It feels far too early. “Hm?” I ask sleepily.

Solas yawns and I can feel him lay back down fully on the bed. “Dorian got us moved to an earlier flight. We get back into town around noon now.”

“What time is it?” I croak.

“Early.” Solas moans in annoyance. “We have an hour and a half until we leave.”

I flop onto my back dramatically, or as dramatically as I can with the little amount of energy that I have. “You can stay in bed. I’ll get ready first.” My eyes open and see the beginnings of sunrise peeking through the curtains.

Out of the corner of my eye I see him turn his head to look at me. “That is unnecessary. I could…”

“No.” I cut him off with a sigh. “You got stuck with the wakeup call and besides you let me sleep in the other morning.” I toss my legs off the side of the bed, grab my bag, and wobble to the bathroom.

The warm water of the shower slowly brings me to consciousness. I am still amazingly thankful that Solas didn’t wake up last night to my dream fiasco. Does that break a rule? I wonder if I have to tell Fen’harel about climaxing without permission. Technically, I did have permission in the dream.

While I’m dressing I realize that coming back home early might be a good thing in more ways than one.

 

_Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net_

_Subject: Good News_

_Are you free this afternoon? There was a change of plans and my flight arrives around 12. Care to spend an afternoon catching up?_

_-Mae_

 

I hope he wants to see me. I know he said everything was fine, but part of me still feels so guilty. Guilty about wanting someone other than Fen’harel, but also feeling like I got rejected by Solas. I sigh and do my best not to think about it. By the time I’m putting on the last of my makeup I get a response.

 

_Recipient: maelav@chantry.com_

_Subject: Very Good News_

_Blackwall will pick you up from the terminal._

_I plan to show you how much I have craved your company. I do hope you were a good girl while you were away._

_-Fen’harel_

 

My heart skips a beat as I read his message; my body heats with a strange combination of lust and comfort. I cannot wait to see him.

“Solas?” I ask coming out of the bathroom with my nearly fully packed bag. “You don’t need to worry about bringing me home. A friend of mine is going to come get me from the airport.”

“Are you sure?” He says, frowning as he walks toward me and the waiting shower. “It is no trouble for me to take you back.”

I sit on one of the chairs and shake my head. “No really, I’ll grab my car later too.”

“Is this about last night?’ He asks softly, slowly turning around. “I am sorry for crossing so many boundaries. It was selfish of me.”

My jaw drops, but quickly snaps shut. “That’s not it, Solas. I…well if anything I encouraged you. It would be a lie to say I didn’t enjoy your attention.” I stammer and avert my eyes from him.

“This…would be unwise. I hope you can forgive me, I enjoy our friendship immensely.” He sounds strikingly sad.

“There’s nothing to forgive. Now, go take your shower. Dorian will be even more of a pain if you make us late.” I tease, letting all of the hurt I feel be locked away.

He watches me for a second, thinking, and then nods as he closes the door.

I flop back farther into the chair and let out a long breath. I guess it was a bad idea to share a room with him or, maybe, it was good. At least we sort of laid out what is going on between us; I won’t have to wonder anymore when we interact if it’s a ploy or genuine caring. He cares…he just thinks that it’s wrong to be involved with his coworker. At least I understand now…

Someone knocks on the door. “Room service.”

“I didn’t order anything.” I say, confused as I look at the woman with a cup of coffee and muffin.

She smiles and hands me the tray anyway. On it is a little note:

_I thought you might want some breakfast._   _–Alistair_

_Ps. Cream, 2 sugars and a raspberry orange muffin. Just how you like it. And people say I don’t pay attention._

 

A broad, genuine smile lights up my face. “Thank you.” I shut the door and go curl back up in the arm chair. Alistair is a lovely man. Now that he knows where I am, I don’t doubt I’ll run into a number of future surprises. Queen. He wanted me to be his queen. What an odd request.

The coffee is perfect as is the muffin. I wonder if the kitchen knew that it was the King they were preparing an order from.

Solas walks back into the main room, ready for the day. “You ordered room service?”

I blush. “Well, no actually. It was ordered for me.”

“May I ask from whom?” He says, suddenly impassive.

I take another sip of coffee. “Alistair.”

“The King ordered you breakfast.” Solas says without emotion.

“It seems so. Unless I have another friend named Alistair who would know that I’m at this hotel in this room.” I laugh.

“It doesn’t concern you that the King tracked you down?” He frowns.

That is probably something normal people would have a problem with. For me it’s just normal. Since being the Inquisitor I simply expect for every political party to know where I am at all times. “Not really. It would probably concern me more if he didn’t. If his security can’t find me in his capital city in the open, think of how awful they would be at finding those who wished to do harm.” I shrug.

Solas is quiet for a moment looking at me in a very specific way. Sometimes the way he stares, it’s like he’s trying to figure me out or look into my soul with a single glance. “A most practical view.”

Both my and Solas’s phones start to vibrate.   _Dorian: Hurry up would you? Unless you finally toppled into bed, in which case, well done, but we need to leave._

I cross my arms and pout. “Guess I have to take my muffin to go.”

Solas rolls his eyes and grabs our bags.

“I can get mine.” I say chugging down the last of my coffee.

He smirks. “I wouldn’t dream of it; you have royally appointed muffin tasks to accomplish.”

“Ass.” I laugh as we leave the room.

The flight home is just as unpleasant as the one to Denerim. Once again, Solas takes the time to comfort me, allowing his arm to be taken over by my terror.

As promised, the fancy black car that belongs to Eluvian waits for me directly outside the terminal. I grab my bag from Solas. I smile. “I’m not sure if I ever properly thanked you for sharing your room with me. It was very nice of you.”

He blushes a bit, but seems to recover. “You were in need and I had the ability to help, it was nothing, but I do appreciate your thanks.”

I nod my head toward the car. “Alright, that’s my ride. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“That’s a beautiful car. This friend of yours?” He raises an eyebrow curiously.

I blush. “Is a very nice man.”

“Undoubtedly.” Solas says with a smirk.

Blackwall gets out of the car as I approach. “Welcome home, Miss Mae.” He says with a smile.

“Thank you, Mr. Blackwall.” It’s good to see him for the first time since last weekend as well. I find the company of the man very comforting. “How are you today?”

He holds out a hand for my bag and asks permission with a small nod. I let him take my carryon and put it in the trunk. “Can’t complain.”

“And how is he?” I avoid saying Fen’harel in public for some reason even though Blackwall fully understands the situation and the likelihood of anyone hearing me is virtually nonexistent.

“He’d likely never admit it, but eager to see you.” Blackwall chuckles, holding open the passenger door for me.

The drive to Eluvian is calm as tell Blackwall about the conference; the king was there, the food was good, the presentations were rousing. My mind wanders to the masked man who will be waiting for me.

I lose track of time in the car daydreaming about what is to come; how can I show him how much I missed him. How can I prove to the both of us that my slip up with Solas doesn’t affect our relationship? It seems like we arrive at the club out of nowhere.

“Um…I meant to mention, my car is still back at the university.” I groan as Blackwall opens the door for me.

He smiles. “It has been taken care of. I will take you home this evening.” I tilt my head in confusion, which makes him smile more. “I contacted your friend Zevran.”

“Of course, Zevran…” I chuckle. It seems like that man is in contact with everyone on the planet.

We climb the stairs up to Fen’harel’s apartments. “I believe he is in his bedroom waiting for you.”

“Thank you.” I call over my shoulder already rushing down the hall to my wolf.

I knock on his door. “Fen’harel?”

There’s some shuffling coming from inside of the bedroom, then silence and the door slowly opens. Fen’harel casually leans against the doorframe. “Welcome home, dear one.” One side of his lips raises smugly. “Greet me properly.”

My small giggle trickles into the air. “Yes, Fen’harel.” I raise up onto my toes and softly kiss his lips, letting him set our pace.

He quietly moans and wraps his arms around me tightly, deepening our connection. He pauses. “Now, little one, come inside and tell me what rules you have broken.” I am gently ushered inside.

Fen’harel makes a sound of consideration as he closes the door. “Remove your clothing.” I slowly, but not too slowly, take off everything I’m wearing. “Good girl, now bend over the bed.”

A tinge of excitement rushes through me as I’m reminded of my dream. “Yes, Fen’harel.” I place my palms flat on the silky comforter of his bed and bend my elbows so that my chest rests flat against the fabric and my ass is out for him.

He strokes the exposed skin of my thighs. “You will tell me every rule you broke while you were away. I am not fool enough to think you would adhere to my demands, little one, do not lie to me.” I arch my back, wordlessly begging to feel the sting of his hand on my ass. “Eager girl, tell me of your trip.” His hand comes down hard on my skin making a delicious slap.

I moan through a smile, happy to be getting what I’ve craved. “What do you want to know?”

“Flippant.” He growls and spanks me harder. I’m sure there is a print of his hand in the stinging space of my rear.

“Ah! I...was late to the airport. I wanted to get something nice for Solas, but just made us late. I hated the flight so I held his hand the whole time. We slept in the same bed both nights. I had way too much coffee, I know we don’t have an official rule for that, but if we did I would have broken it. I drank white wine. I danced with the King.” After each of my sentences he spanks me harder or lighter depending on the severity of the breach. The wine earned me an extremely hard slap.

Fen’harel chuckles and caresses my pink skin. “The King was interested in my little one?”

“Why? Am I so undesirable?” Two hard hits on the same spot make me scream.

“What else do you need to tell me.” It is not a question, but rather a statement.

“I did follow my curfew.” I say, looking back with a smile.

He smugly smirks back, sliding his hand toward my dripping slit. “Good, but you know that is not what I am asking for.”

I sigh in anticipation. “I...Well...Solas saw me topless. It was an accident. I wasn’t paying attention!”

“Did he take advantage of you?” He doesn’t sound angry, instead he continues to teasingly stroke along my wetness.

“No, it was quite the opposite. Then, after the ball, my shoe broke and he carried me back to the hotel...my zipper got stuck...so he undid it for me, then we started to get….caught up in the moment...someone knocked on the door and we stopped. He made it clear that he didn’t want anything between us. I was...It was stupid.” I rest my head on my forearms in defeat.

Fen’harel sighs. “My poor dear one. He sounds like the utmost idiot for not wanting you.”

I laugh, exhausted with the tumult of the weekend with Solas. “I think you are biased. OW!” I squeak as he slaps my lower back.

“You will not question me in this.” My masked man demands.

“And...I well...I might have broken another rule?” I bite my lip and try to steady my voice.

“...I am waiting.” He hisses, spanking me again.

“I came while I was away.” The hardest hit of all comes to the inside of my thigh. “It was in a dream, I had your permission….”

“Explain.” His voice is terse as he slaps the outside of my thigh, making the stinging even.

Tears well in the corner of my eye at the tingling warmth of my punished body. “Well, you were you with Solas’s head and you had me over the bed like this, then paddled me for how terrible I had been all weekend, then when you were satisfied with how wet I was, you took me roughly.”

He makes a sound of appreciation. “Fascinating. You will stay in this position.”

“Yes, Fen’harel.” I am afraid of what he might be doing. Maybe my fantasy made him angry.

He leaves my side for a moment to go open a drawer near his dresser. Then, I hear what sounds like his clothes dropping to the floor. Like a wolf, he stalks closer. Something hard strikes me, making my body jump. “Like this?” He says in a way that I know he is smirking.

“Yes.” I moan.

“Hm. I rather like the way this reddens your wanton flesh.” Fen’harel teases, slapping the paddle against my ass again. “What now, dear one? What did you dream of?”

Another slap, this time against my shoulder. I yelp and then moan. “You paddled me until I cried.”

“Did I? You must have thought yourself very bad.” The hard leather in his hand caresses down my spine before striking me on the bottom again.

“Yes.” I groan

“Yes, what?” He teases with a set of hits all in a row, on my thighs, ass, and back.

Tears start to become more pronounced in my eyes. “Yes, Solas.” I groan. Then my stomach drops. I messed up.

He stops, deadly silent. “What did you just call me, little one? Did you forget your Dom? Do you desire this man who rejected you so easily?” His words are calm and frightening.

“No. No, Fen’harel. I want you. I desire…”

My words are cut off as he hilts his rock hard cock into me with a single thrust. I cry out in surprise as he fills me. “You will not forget who brings you pleasure and discipline, little one.” His words rumble low in his chest, raging. “You will not insult me in my own bed.”

“Fen’harel I didn’t….I’m sorry. I…” My apology is breathy as he unrelentingly drives into me. His ferocity feels amazing, despite the fact that this is no doubt a punishment. I try to lift my hips against his to feel even more, but I know I cannot climax unless he requests it.

He grabs a fist full of my hair, lifting part of my chest off the bed. “Ungrateful little one. If you wish to cum, then you will say the name of the one you belong to loud enough that everyone in this building can hear you.”

“Fen’harel!” I moan, trying to gather breath enough to properly shout.

His other hand digs into my hip. “Not good enough, little one. Who do you belong to?!” He shouts into my ear.

“Fen’harel!” I scream from the top of my lungs again and again.

His trusts start to quicken, becoming erratic. “Good girl. Cum with me and I’ll forgive you for your disrespect.”

On command, my pent up pleasure spills over; I continue to scream his name as my body pulses.

His body shutters against me as I feel him spurt into me, throbbing his release. His torso collapses onto mine, kissing softly against my shoulder. “Well done.”

We lay against each other until he softens and slides out of my exhausted body. “Despite what I may have just asked of you, you belong to no one, but yourself, Mae. Always remember that.”

Fen’harel gently moves me to lay with my head on the pillows of the bed before grabbing the minty smelling cream he uses after sessions. “On your stomach.” I roll myself over with all the energy I have left. He gently massages my thighs, back, and bottom, almost wiping away the sting left from his hand and the paddle. We are comfortably quiet while he cares for me. I must doze off a bit because I lose track of time until he crawls up onto the bed with me, pulling my body over his. My palms flat on his chest and my head tucked up in the crook of his neck. His arms clasp me tightly to him.

I trace little lines on his exquisite chest with my fingertips. He should know about Alistair and the whole Queen thing. “Fen’harel, the King...he...expressed interest.”

He kisses my forehead. “Dear one, if you should find someone who you wish to spend your hours in the light with, then I hope that you will take that chance. I will be yours regardless. What I want is for you to be happy, Mae. You deserve everything that this world has to give you. You deserve to be loved by someone wholly and completely.”

“But...I do...I might...you, Fen’harel.” I stammer. I love him, but I cannot find the words.

He shakes his head and sighs sadly. “You can do much better than a man in a mask, my heart.”

“My heart?” I look up at him, in awe.

Fen’harel smiles softly. “Of course. It is why I know what you need. It is why I can tell you to find one more worthy than I. You deserve to be someone’s Queen.” I’m not sure he realizes the irony in that statement.

“Then why don’t you just take off the mask?” I ask quietly holding him closer, knowing that the answer will be some form of ‘no’.

He strokes my shoulder blade and places another long kiss against my hair. “What you need little one, not what you want, remember?” His body shifts as he reaches into the drawer of his bedside table. “I have something for you.” Fen’harel helps me to sit up a little, but holds one of my hands, the other holds a small square box with a large black ribbon around it.

“A present? What did I do to deserve a reward?” I tilt my head to the side with confusion.

His thumb strokes the back of my hand. “We have been in our arrangement for six months now, Mae. I wished to honor your trust and dedication with a token of my esteem.”

The box is placed into my open hand. I slowly tug the bow open and unwrap the ribbon; inside of the box is a pendant. It is a small diamond encrusted heart padlock, it’s shiny, but not overwhelming and not too big or too small. “It is beautiful.” I say in awe as I stroke the pendant.

He seems nervous as he shifts a bit on the bed, moving his weight from one knee to the other. “I wanted you to have part of me with you always. I know that it is sometimes difficult with the limitations in seeing one another. Some might call it a collar, but I do not own you. You have already accepted our rules, will you accept this sign of our bond?”

I nod vigorously. “I’ll never take it off.”

“You are free to wear it whenever you wish, but your happiness pleases me.” He chuckles. “May I?” He holds out his hand to take the box from me. After I hand it over he pulls free the chain and leans close to me, clasping the chain around my neck.

It lays perfectly a few inches below the hollow of my neck. “Thank you.” I beam, pressing the lock between my fingers and my throat.

He caresses along my jaw, pulling me into a sweet, romantic kiss. For a moment, I’m lost in my love for him. His hand stays on the side of my neck when he pulls away, pressing our foreheads together. “My heart, we will be needing to get you home. You have work in the morning.”

I nod. “Can we lay together just a bit longer?”

The most beautiful, serene, smile graces his face. “Just five more minutes, then home for you.”

I snuggle back up to him, laying back on the bed with the light weight of the sign of our relationship against my skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday, party people!!! I hope that your week was as wonderful as you are (aka. super wonderful!) 1 week left of semester, then 3 weeks off! Woohoo!!! If you guys have finals going on, I wish you luck and bet that you'll do amazingly well! 
> 
> Next Time: Mae gets a different sort of surprise. 
> 
> A thank you goes out to [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) who is STILL the most amazing beta! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as[TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).  
> 100 of you follow me now!? I cannot even verbalize how thankful I am for your support. You seriously make me so amazingly happy. I hope to keep making you happy as well! <3


	12. No

I walk into work in the morning with my little lock on display. It’s not like anyone will know what it means and well, it makes me happy to carry Fen’harel around with me.

As I’m setting down my bag, I hear a familiar voice across the hall. “Hey there, boss.” Bull smirks leaning against Dorian’s office door.

“Who are you calling Boss?” Dorian asks, peeking his head out of the office. “Mae?”

Bull chuckles. “Of course, look at her, you can just tell she runs things.” His eye darts down to my necklace and he raises an eyebrow, seemingly in recognition. I shouldn’t be surprised; Bull definitely rolls that way.

“You know….him?” Solas sounds confused and is suddenly standing next to me in the hallway.

The Iron Bull looks Solas up and down for a second before giving me some sort of look. “Yep.  Boss and I go way back.”

“Solas, I’m sure you know Dorian’s larger half, The Iron Bull? Bull and I worked together when I was in the Inquisition.” I say casually.

“I see.” Solas says simply.

I catch Bull’s eye and frown. “To what do we owe this visit?”

“Oh, you know, I was just really craving some of Dorian’s….”

“That’s enough.” Dorian says quickly, afraid of what might come out of Bull’s mouth next.

I giggle, it’s wise of Dorian to stop Bull. “Oh, I see.”

My boss blushes a bit. “Well, shall we all go to lunch together in a few hours?”

“Sounds good!” I smile and head back into my office.

Solas follows me in. “Mae, I am sorry to disturb you, but it seems as though I ended up with one of your smaller bags in my suitcase. Whenever you have a moment, would you accompany me to my car and I can retrieve it for you.” He smiles with twinkling eyes. “Perhaps we could stop for some coffee on the way?”

He’s clearly still trying to make up for the amazingly awkward weekend and coffee is the way to my heart, so I suppose he knows what he’s doing. “You know I can’t deny caffeine.”

Dorian’s door is shut, so I figure he won’t miss us. He is probably…busy.

It is getting significantly colder outside, so I grab my striped yellow scarf and black pea coat before we head out. Solas has on an almost matching forest green pea coat and brown scarf. My breath appears in little wisps of vapor as soon as we go down the stairs of our building.

“Did you have a pleasant time with your friend?” Solas says casually as we walk to the parking lot where we both usually park.

My steps stutter for a moment. “Um…yes. It was nice to see him.”

“So, it is a he.” Solas smirks as if he figured something out.

I frown. “I don’t know why you care, Solas.”

“Is it wrong of me to be curious about my friend’s life outside of work?” He shrugs innocently.

This a very strange way to attempt to make our interactions less uncomfortable. “I suppose not? Is this your way of telling me that you have your own friend? Or assessing my integrity?”

“I would not test you in such a way, Mae.” Solas shakes his head. “As for me, I haven’t made _friends_ for some time.”

“Forgotten how?” I tease, bumping him with my shoulder.

He chuckles softly. “Perhaps.”

We finally walk in companionable silence for the remainder of the short trip to his car. Somehow, he ended up with my bag of travel toiletries. I quickly throw it into the backseat of my own car before we make our way to the coffee shop just off of campus.

Per usual, Solas orders a hot cappuccino that is more milk than actual espresso. I ask for one of their new seasonal drinks; a spiced mocha for the colder weather. Of course, Solas insists on paying for our drinks. I’ve started to learn to stop arguing with him over it; I always lose the fight. One time he even took my wallet out of my hands and held it over his had so that I could not reach it.

“It is beyond me how you enjoy that.” Solas teases as we wait for my drink.

“I don’t understand how you got through graduate school without developing a taste for it.” I smile and lean against the little half wall between the counter and the seating area. “I’m actually quite fond of this place, thank you for introducing me to it.”

He steps forward and grabs my drink for me. “Well, I couldn’t have your addiction fed by subpar stock, now could I?”

I laugh heartily as we start to walk back to work. “How very considerate of you. How will I ever repay the favor?”

“Your happiness is all I desire as payment.” Solas hides a smile behind his cup.

My laughter dies down and I look at him thoughtfully. He is truly a strange man. He just wants me to be happy, but doesn’t want to be _friendly_ with me. It is clear to me that he wants something, I’m just not quite sure what. Maybe he just wants a friend; it seems too simple that he should truly only want what is best for me. There has only been one person who feels that way, and it is Fen’harel.

We walk closely back to the office, discussing the end of semester that is quickly approaching. I figure I should start working on what gifts to get everyone for Satinalia.

As I open the doors to our department’s wing, I can hear Sera shouting.

Solas and I look at each other with wide eyes.

“Well, whatever is happening seems to have upset our very competent assistant.” Solas tries to sound amused, but is clearly disturbed.

Her voice becomes clearer the closer we get to the main office. “No! I don’t know ‘em. Get out of here! You don’t belong here.”

A masculine voice responds calmly.

“I don’t give a single ball who you are!” Sera yells. “Piss off.”

The man says something else, something about the voice is familiar.

“Ain’t no Trevelyan here! I won’t say it again!”

I stop in the middle of the hall. They’re here. Someone is here for me. I look over at Solas with a face full of regret. “I’m so sorry.”

His brows knit together and he frowns. “Mae, what’s wrong? What’s happening?”

“You’ll know soon enough.” I look at the cup in my hand and think about how all of this is about to disappear. “I never meant to keep the truth from you, my friend.”

“Mae?!” He asks desperately.

I shake my head and walk through the door of the office.

In front of Sera is a tall, broad man with golden curls. I’d know him anywhere. “Cullen.” I gasp, dropping my coffee onto the floor. He has on jeans and a beige sweater with a dark brown leather jacket and red plaid scarf. He’s wearing the silver watch I got him for his birthday two years ago. He was not what I was expecting.

He spins around quickly. “Mae.” He says my name like it is a prayer. “These are for you.” Cullen’s voice shakes and he nearly drops the structured bouquet of wild flowers he has in his hands. Only Cullen could take something grown so freely in nature and have it turned into something so tame and proper.

“I….thank you.” I say softly reaching out to take the arrangement. Our hands brush against one another and my heart skips a beat. He should not be here. I should not feel happy to see him.

Cullen steps closer and runs a hand along my cheek, brushing some windblown hair behind my ear. He frowns. “You look so unlike yourself, Mae.”

I blink a few times in disbelief. “Cullen, this is literally what I look like. This is how I looked until the Inquisition made me be something else.”

He chuckles, showing his handsome smile. “I guess I am just so used to seeing you blonde and blue eyed.” His hand runs through my hair a few more times before resting along the curve of my neck. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Mae, who is this?” Solas says slowly from the doorway.

I stare blankly at my friend.

Cullen smiles and leans down to kiss the top of my head. “She is just surprised.” He moves toward Solas, extending his hand. “I’m Cullen Rutherford, Mae’s fiancé.”

Solas locks eyes with Cullen as they shake hands. “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Rutherford.”

“Commander.” I say softly.

Solas looks at me, devoid of emotion.

The blonde nods. “Please, just Cullen.  I have no need to use titles here.”

Dorian and Bull join us, pushing Solas further into the room. “Mae…is this…is this the Commander of the Inquisition?” Dorian sputters, looking at Bull with something between shock and delight.

“Yes.” I say softly, trying to regain my ability to pretend like everything is fine. I take a deep breath and plaster on a smile. “I am sorry how rude of me. Cullen, this is Dorian, the head of our department and you know The Iron Bull.”

Vivienne clears her throat as she comes in as well. “And this is Vivienne. May I introduce you to Commander Cullen Rutherford?”

One of her brows raises sky high. “I see.” After her speech at the conference I’m most certain that she hates me now. “And why is he here?”

Cullen smiles broadly and takes my hand in his. “I can only spend so long away from this woman before I find myself wholly missing the best part of myself.”

Dorian looks at me, accusingly, but sad. “If this is the Commander, and you are, as he so romantically states, part of him, then I believe you owe us an explanation, Herald.”

I close my eyes as I feel everyone’s gaze on me. “Yes, I suppose I do.”

“Later, Mae, please.” Cullen begs. “I must return to Skyhold tomorrow and we deserve some time together.”

I nod. This is something we need to discuss and if there are people waiting to force me to go back I’d rather be kidnapped in the peace of my own home.  “Everyone…I…I’m sorry. I’ll explain everything…tomorrow.”

Bull puts a hand on Dorian’s shoulder and the two share a sympathetic look. Vivienne looks less pleased than usual. And, poor Solas, looks like he has been punched in the stomach.

My former lover grins and squeezes my hand. “Perhaps we can spend some time wherever you are staying and talk some things over?”

I smile softly at him as my soul screams in protest. “Cullen can you wait here for a moment? I need to grab some things from my office before we go.”

He nods and begrudgingly lets me go.

The shame I feel as I walk past everyone and down to my door is overwhelming. Immediately after I shut the door behind myself I clasp my hand over my mouth and try to stifle the urge to cry. My legs wobble as I sit on top of my desk, staring at the door with tears rolling down my cheeks.

Tomorrow might never happen for me in this office.

“Mae?” Solas knocks on the door quietly, like he is contacting me in secret.

I take a breath and swallow. “Yes?”

“May I come in?”

“If he’s looking for me, I’ll be out in a minute.” I say as smoothly as possible.

The door opens and Solas quickly closes it behind himself. “You didn’t specifically say no.” He freezes when he finally looks at me, the pitiful creature that I am. He whispers my name and crosses the room in a few long strides. Solas pauses for a second to think something through, then wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly to his chest.

“You don’t hate me?” I ask into his shoulder between the sobs that are coming freely.

Solas runs his hand along my back in an attempt to comfort me. “Never.” His lips brush against my hair as he continues speaking. “You do not have to go with him. It seems clear to me that you are unprepared for and unhappy about his arrival.”

I take a few shuttering breaths. “I do, Solas. I have to at least talk to him. We were together for three years and I was in love with him for the two prior…I’m sure you’ve heard the stories.” I hiccup a laugh. “Some of them are even accurate.”

“Do you…love him?” He whispers.

I shake my head. “I don’t know. My heart is so happy to see him, but the rest of me is screaming to run.”

“I see.” Solas cradles the back of my head. “I suppose you do need to speak with him. Mae…I…Just remember that what should matter is your happiness.”

I pull back from his embrace and caress his cheek. “Thank you for caring about me.”

Solas frowns sadly. “Why does it sound like you are saying goodbye?”

“What is the Inquisition without a Herald, Solas?” My forehead slowly falls forward onto his. My soul craves to be close to him, but I can’t bear to look at the disappointment in his eyes.

Suddenly his voice sounds strained. “Please don’t go back with him.” He lifts my chin to look at this eyes and must notice my confusion and hope at his protest. “Mae…I….”

“Darling, are you about ready to leave?” Cullen calls from the hallway.

I clear my throat. “Just a moment, Cullen.”

The trails of my tears get wiped away with the back of my hand and I shake my head as if to fling away my despair. “I have to go.”

Solas looks distraught, but helps me down from my desk. “If that is what you feel you need to do, then…We are all here for you should you need us.”

I nod and pack up my bag as he stands there watching me, seemingly constantly on the verge of saying something.  

My bag gets flung over my shoulder and I look at him expectantly.

He says nothing.

Something inside of my heart trembles, but I put on my smile as I open the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Solas.” Cullen is leaning against the wall across from my office. “Alright, I’m ready.”

Apparently, Cullen was dropped off at the university by a hired car, so I drive him back to my place. We are silent, but he keeps excitedly looking over at me. It almost feels natural. It’s not like our relationship fell apart just because of him or me, but the whole system. It was never _our_ relationship; it was the Inquisition’s.

We get to my apartment and he sort of stands awkwardly as I hang up my coat and bag. “Mae, I’m sorry for barging in on you like this. I just…you left without so much as a word. I know the wedding planning was getting out of hand and you needed a break, but I expected _something_. You wouldn’t even answer my calls. I was so worried, but Cassandra told me to be patient and that you’d come back. So, I was. Then, one day you actually answer my call and I’m hung up on by another man?! I had had enough.” He runs a hand through his perfect hair. “I put everything into place immediately and came as quickly as I could.”

He walks behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting this chin on the top of my head. “I’ve missed you more than I can explain, my love.”

“We haven’t spoken in almost seven months and you still call me your love?” I sigh, emotionally exhausted.

I feel him nod against me. “Some days I’d start to lose hope, but then Josephine or Leliana or Cassandra would encourage me to hold on. A love like ours never dies.”

My chest starts to clench in panic. He doesn’t think anything was wrong. Cullen wants everything to be okay again. He still loves me. I turn around in his arms to face him. “Cullen?”

“Yes, my treasure?” He looks in awe of me.

I gulp. “Would you be happy if I were this? If I were just a researcher?”

Cullen looks at me, seemingly amused. “I would be happy with anything so long as I was with you.” He strokes my cheek with his thumb. “What is this all about? Are you worried that I’m ashamed of your choice of retreat? How could I be upset with you for taking time for your hobbies?”

My work is not a hobby. I shake my head. “Cullen, this is who I am.”

He chuckles. “You are the Herald, darling, not whatever this little side track is. You have a duty to Thedas.”

I look at his chest instead of his eyes. “Doesn’t it matter if I’m happy?”

He sobers. “Do I not make you happy? You seemed fine until everyone got their hands on our wedding. People like us, the ones changing the world, we must put the world before ourselves. You are an amazing leader, Mae.”

“I never actually made any decisions.” I sigh.

His large hand raises my chin. “That just means you listened to your advisors. We are best suited to helping you. That’s what made you so great.” The love in his eyes is unguarded and completely genuine. “Cassandra said that you might be reluctant to come back after spending so much time with the Circle. They’re not good for you, sweetness.”

I shove myself out of his arms. They are better people than anyone who was in the Inquisition. “Of course you would listen to Cassandra about such things!” I growl.

Cullen rolls his eyes like I’m being irrational. “This, still? You know that Cassandra does what is best. I love _you_ , Mae.”

“Did she know best when I held you through your withdrawal?! Did she know best when they changed what I looked like? When they changed my name?! Did she know best when she had you carry me away from the explosion? How much does Cassandra do for the good of Thedas?” I shout.

His brow furrows. “Mae, you are behaving like a child. I did not come here to argue with you. You have a responsibility to Thedas and you made a promise to me.” Cullen pulls a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show my engagement ring. I’d left it behind. “Despite your tantrum, I want you to marry you. I want to make you happy. We can do it, we just need to work together. I know you still love me. We can have a small wedding this time, just like you wanted. Everything will be alright as long as we are with one another.” He drops to one knee. “Maellana, please, marry me. Let me give you the life you deserve.”

My heart is pounding. I can’t think straight. Everything is too much. Part of me desperately craves to go back to him, to be with him again. I miss waking in his arms. I miss his laugh. I miss the way he makes me feel so safe and loved. Maybe it can be different. “Cullen…I…”

He takes my hand in his and strokes my skin with his thumb, lovingly. “Maybe I didn’t listen well enough to you before. I promise to be better. I’ve been in love with you since the moment I saw your beautiful face. Please, give us another chance. We deserve another chance.”

We could try. Maybe he can take some time off. We can stay here and figure out who we are together outside of the Inquisition. It could be good. I pointedly try to ignore the weight of my necklace against my throat. Fen’harel had told me that I could find someone else and….we’d be fine. Maybe it’s the universe telling me something.

I wince as I respond, my insides warring against each other. “Alright. You’re right. It was unfair of me to leave so abruptly. We can try to make this work, we can take some time to just be Cullen and Mae.”

Cullen is so excited that he starts to laugh and picks me up off of the ground as he raises to his feet. “Mae, my love, you have made me the happiest man in the whole of Thedas.” His lips eagerly crash into mine, passionately kissing me like I remember, making my heart skip a beat. “We’ll be better this time.”

I nod and smile, his happiness is contagious.

He reaches for his phone and starts to text someone.

“Who are you messaging?” I inquire, trying to pull him back into a hug.

Cullen shakes his head like the phone is merely an inconvenience. “I’m contacting the staff and letting them know you will be returning with me to Skyhold.” He smiles goofily, “Everyone will be so pleased to have the Herald back!”

My blood runs cold and I shake my head. “I’m not going back to Skyhold, Cullen.”

He looks at me like a child who has said something stupid. “Of course you are. That’s where we live.”

“I live right here.” I gesture around my apartment.

“Mae, not this again. I thought you would have worked through this by now. We are the Inquisition. You and I are going to go back to Skyhold and live happily ever after, saving Thedas from itself.” His chastises me.

Fen’harel’s voice rings in my head _you belong to no one, but yourself_.

I square my shoulders. “No.”

Cullen lowers his phone and blinks in surprise. “No?”

“For the first time in my life: no. I am not going back to Skyhold. I am not going to be the Herald. I am Dr. Maellana Lavellan, not Lady Mae Trevelyan. I’m done pretending for you.” I am almost surprised at my own words.

He sighs. “You’re not making any sense.”

I am tired of being treated like a child by these people. I scowl, “I’m sorry, Cullen. We want different things. Clearly this is not going to work. I am officially calling off the engagement and renouncing my title. I’m done. This is done.”

“But, I love you.” He stammers, baffled.

I sigh. “I love you too, I always will, but we are through. I deserve to be happy.”

Cullen’s lower lip trembles. “I can make you happy.”

“Once you could, but I am not that woman anymore. I wish you the best and will think of you fondly.” I walk to my door and open it wide. “Now, please, return to your duties. I find myself otherwise occupied.” Cullen looks like someone hit him repeatedly as he sort of sleep walks to the door. “I hope that you find true happiness, Cullen.”

He stammers, “But…but I love you. You have to come with me. They said that you would come home!”

“They were wrong.” I say with a shrug.

Cullen just stands in my doorway, staring at me, somewhere between a breakdown and fury.

“I see your visitor is leaving, _carina._ ”A familiar voice says as Zevran ascends the stairs near my door. “Wonderful, I was hoping to see him.” Zev grabs Cullen by the shoulder. “Come, Commander, let us find you a nice bar at which to drown yourself.”

My childhood friend winks over his shoulder. “I am proud of you, friend.” He nods and leads Cullen away.

I slam the door shut and start to hyperventilate. I am not okay. This is not okay. What the hell just happened?!

In the emergency contacts of my phone I scroll to find “Blackwall” and hit dial.

“Miss Mae?” he answers quickly, clearly worried.

“He told me to call you if I needed him in an emergency?” I cry.

I can almost see the man nodding. “I will be there right away, Mae. Sit down and count your breaths in and out. Try to make them as even as possible.”

The phone clicks and something inside of me relaxes knowing that I’ll soon be with Fen’harel. Soon I’ll be truly loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!!! I hope you're staying warm! It is super cold and windy here; I do not approve. I hope that you guys liked this chapter, I know it's a lot. I really wanted Mae to show that she has grown and can be in control of her own fate. 
> 
> I won't post before Christmas, SO Have a very Happy Holidays! I hope Santa is good to you and that you get to spend time being loved and eating lots of tasty foods. If you're traveling, I wish you a safe trip! I'll be driving all over the Midwest, so I feel your pain. Thank you for being so amazing! I treasure each and every one of you. <3 <3 <3
> 
> Next Time: Mae does some explaining
> 
> A thank you goes out to [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) who is STILL the most amazing beta! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as[TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).  
> 


	13. Better *

I lay down on the ground to feel the cold tile from the kitchen on my back, the cold helps to calm me.

In what seems like forever, but is probably only a quarter of an hour, Blackwall knocks at my door. “Miss Mae, I’m here. Please open the door.”

“Yes.” I say, dragging myself to my feet and unlocking my apartment door.

He walks in and grabs my purse and keys without pausing to say hello, then holds out his arm for me. “He’s waiting.”

I nod and numbly walk down to the car with the much larger man. The car is not our normal one. This one is smaller, older, and blue. It must be his actual car. The one that Blackwall uses in his normal life.

Blackwall drives a little faster than advisable to get me to Eluvian. He pulls up as close to the front door as possible, hands me my bag, and smiles. “Will you be alright on your own?” He runs his fingers through his beard, “I’m taking a quick break from work.”

Despite how awful I feel, I laugh at the ridiculousness of all of us living dual lives. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Blackwall. Yeah I know where to go from here.”

I walk through the front door, then run up the stairs and thrust open the door to his apartments. “Fen’harel?” I shout.

He opens the door from his room and walks into the hallway. “My heart, I am glad that you called for me.”

I drop my bag and run down the hall, unstopping until I slam into his waiting embrace. “I’m so sorry. Everything is…I feel…It’s bad.”

He squeezes me tight and runs a hand down my hair. “Hush, little one, tell me what troubles you.”

“My fiancé showed up at my place of work….he wanted me back.” I say quickly into the side of his neck.

He lets out a long breath and kisses the top of my head. “You are here? I assume that means one of two things: you have come to tell me goodbye or you will not be returning to him.”

I lean back to look into his blue eyes. “No, my heart, I will never tell you goodbye.” All of the love for him that fills my heart seeps into the rest of my body, bringing tears to my eyes. “I love you.”

Fen’harel’s eyes stare deeply into mine. His hand wraps around the back of my neck, holding me steady as he passionately kisses me. “I would not be whole if you left my side.” He looks at his bedroom, “Come, dear one, I have something for you.”

“Is it your dick?”  I offer, searching for some levity as I take his hand.

He chuckles, interlacing our fingers.  “Perhaps later.”

He doesn’t stop at his bed, instead we head to a second door. I don’t understand. This doesn’t lead to the playroom, and we didn’t stop at his bed. Through the second door is an amazingly large and well stocked master bath. The tub could easily fit four people and is full of steaming water, bubbles, and flowers.

I look at him, shocked. “You’re not going to just spank me until I tell you everything?”

Fen’harel smiles softly and caresses my cheek. “What you need, not what you want, yes?” He waits till I nod to continue, “What you need is to calm yourself and let out the pain you’ve kept inside. You needn’t tell me anything you do not wish to, but I would wish to know our burden. Take off your clothes.”

I strip out of my work clothes while he removes his signature black shirt and pants. He takes my hand again and helps me get into the tub, then follows.

He sits back and pulls me between his legs, so that I can use his chest as a pillow. His arms rest around my middle and his chin softly touches the top of my head. I am wholly surrounded by my masked man.

Fen’harel is silent, letting me settle in, letting me choose to speak to him.

The warm, flowery water, and the steady beating of his heart melt my muscles. I sigh and fully relax into him. I slide my head so that it rests on his shoulder; I want to be able to judge his expression while I tell him the truth…my life…the story of the Herald. “I want to thank you for being patient with me, I still wish it had never come to this, but…well…everyone will know soon enough and… you deserve to know first.”

His eyes are full of admiration through the holes in his mask. “I will always provide what you require, my heart.”

I lean up and give him a grateful kiss before resting back on him again and beginning, “I was nineteen. I had just started my studies at the university in an accelerated program that would have me a graduated PhD at twenty-five. Part of my course of study required intense field work. That’s how I ended up at the Conclave. I was examining pottery fragments from the Pre-Arlathian Age in a climate controlled room in the basement. It was lucky that I got in when I did, I used to be a horrible procrastinator.” I chuckle, then go still for what comes next. “I was far enough away from the explosion, and the room’s walls were so thick…I was mostly unharmed. The door was covered with rubble and the ceiling had fallen…I was trapped in the corner. I screamed until it felt like my throat was bleeding. Then some of the rubble shifted and the most handsome man I’d ever seen reached for me; his golden curls glistened and the sun outlined him like some sort of angel. I thought I’d truly died.”

My heart shutters thinking about those moments. I was so young and so scared.  “He climbed down into the small space I was curled up in. His arms were strong and steady, he cradled me against himself. He looked in awe of me. ‘I’ll keep you safe,’ he promised. I lost consciousness as he started walking us out of the destroyed room.”

I look up at Fen’harel. His face still and attentive, but I can see the tension in his jaw. My lover is displeased. “That was the first time I met Cullen. I’m sure you remember all of the photographs of us: the large golden man in a sooty suit and the small pretty sole survivor, in her jeans, limp in his arms. That’s how it began, I feel as though we were smitten from that moment on, but he is nearly seven years older than I am…It took time for them to orchestrate our relationship.”  

“You are the Herald of the Inquisition, Lady Mae Trevelyan.” Fen’harel says slowly.

My lips turn down, “I was…and not quite by choice. Everything was so carefully created by my advisors, perhaps not Cullen, he was just as much of a pawn as I was. The day they were announcing me as their Herald, Leliana surprised me with a spa day…a makeover fit for the leader of a blossoming organization.” I smile sadly. “I’d never been to an expensive salon before. By the time they were done, all of my hair was bright blonde and they convinced me to wear bright blue contacts. It was supposed to make me more imposing. Cullen’s jaw nearly fell to the floor when he saw me. He later told me that I was the most beautiful creature he had ever beheld.” My heart hurts for him, but I should have known better in that moment. It wasn’t me, Maellana, that he loved. “I was announced to the reporters and other leaders as Lady Mae Trevelyan. No one even asked me. They told me later that it was a sturdier name; it would lend legitimacy to our movement.”

“It would make you seem more human.” Fen’harel says flatly.

I nod, “Yes.”

“And you let the lie continue.” He says, devoid of emotion.

I nuzzle my forehead into the crook of his neck. “They told me if I went on the record to fix it, then I’d hurt the whole Inquisition. I couldn’t. We were going to balance Thedas. We were going to bring peace to everyone.” I sigh, “at least that is what they kept telling me.”

Fen’harel lets out a breath that he must have been holding, “And that’s when they knew they had you.”

“Yes.” I speak into the skin of his chest, “Nothing I ever said mattered. They’d make me memorize scripts for speeches. I grew into a surprisingly talented politician. We took over the majority of the militia by the time I was twenty-four. Then, when I had determined to end our power monopoly, my advisors had us join forces with the Chantry. I…couldn’t. That was the final straw. There was no new way for them to spin the lie to me. Everything had been so carefully crafted.”

“You do not believe your relationship with the Commander was genuine?” He frowns, thinking.

I shift in the water, resting my arms on his knees, “I’m not sure. At least partially…I mean, he saved me from certain death and was older and handsome and kind. He stammered when I got too close, which happened often, I was a troublesome teen.”

“You are a troublesome woman.” Fen’harel chuckles and hugs me tightly.

There’s a slapping as my hand hits against his wet knee, “Irrelevant.” My smile fades and I continue, “We were besotted for two years, then after prodding, we finally kissed and made it official. It was always things like ‘doesn’t Cullen look dashing?’ ‘he would make the most pleasing partner’ ‘you should see how he looks at you.’ Josephine, Leliana, and Cassandra were relentless. He…had been addicted to lyrium. Even as his friend I cared for him through withdrawal. In the three years of our courtship, and one of our engagement, I can’t count the times he awoke with night terrors. We were very close, Cullen and I…We _were_ in love, truly in love. It just so happened to benefit the Inquisition as well. The pair of us made exquisite propaganda.”

I shake my head and drop it against Fen’harel’s shoulder again, “I started to take note of all the times I was ignored and used by my advisors. Cullen believed every word they said, but I…I started to see the truth. It wasn’t for peace or for stability, it was all a veiled power grab by the Chantry and The Herald and her husband Commander would never be free. I told him for nearly a year that we needed to leave, that I was done. He disagreed. He said we had a responsibility to Thedas. As soon as we got married, he said, it would be easier, less stress. He couldn’t see the truth. So…I left on my own.”

He’s watching me, so I look up at him again, “I fell out of love with him when I started realizing that he cared significantly more for his duty than for me. I’d only been back here for a week before I met you.”

“Yes, Zevran has told me that you two were childhood friends.” Fen’harel smiles knowingly.

I purse my lips. “Does that man feel the need to know that I do?!”

“He just wants you to be well taken care of, my heart. I appreciate his efforts.”

“You would.” I sigh feigning annoyance.

Fen’harel brushes his fingertips along my ribs, softly ticking me. “You sound more at peace than I had expected, dear one.”

I realize that my panic subsided as soon as I was wrapped in his arms. “I don’t know…” I stammer, “Being with you, I feel safe, like no matter what I’ve done, no one can hurt me for it. I feel loved and wanted for nothing, but being myself. I had been terrified until you held me close to you.”

He uses a damp hand to lift my lips to his, “You are safe. You are wanted. You are loved.” After each sentence he kisses me sweetly.

“I am loved?” I whisper softly against his lips.

He nods slowly before he draws my lower lip between his, laving it with his tongue, begging permission to kiss me more fully. “Wholly and completely.” Fen’harel mumbles against my lips.  

His hands slide down my stomach, further into the water until he is running caresses along my thighs. Fingers teasing and molding my skin as the lips do the same. “I wish to reward you for sharing with me; do you consent?” He pauses just long enough to ask the question while looking into my eyes.

My breath comes out throaty and shy, “How could I ever say no to you?” I lick up the long line of his neck, “Yes, Fen’harel.” I punctuate the words with a nip on the lobe of his ear.

The laugh that rumbles in his chest is warm and kind, loving even. “Thank you, dear one.” He lets water drip along my arms and chest as he slowly moves his hands up my body until he rubs my lock between an index finger and thumb, “I’ve yet to tell you how much I enjoy seeing you wearing your collar.”

I push my forehead into the curve of his neck, “It has only been a day, but I never wish to take it off.”

“Good.” He purrs, trailing his hands down between my spread legs.

His skillful hands easily find their target and tease along my folds; he doesn’t want to make me cum. He wants me soaked despite the water fighting his efforts. Slowly, his fingers work closer to my center; one hand circling my clit and the other along my entrance. My breath shudders as my excitement rises.  

Soft lips find their way to my neck and are replaced with stinging teeth. I gasp and arch my back as he soothes the sting with his warm tongue. My body craves more of his touch, more of him.

“You will allow me the control you have given to me, Mae.” He demands with a hardened voice. One of his arms wraps around my stomach and pushes me flush against his chest. “You will let me please you as I see fit.”

“Yes, Fen’harel.” I whimper and drop my head back against his shoulder.

The remaining skillful hand on my heat slides down until a single finger teases inside of me. He slides in and out of me until my breath is ragged. It’s not enough to send me over the edge, but the act makes my whole body start to sweat with anticipation.

He nibbles along the edge of my ear and slides a second digit easily in with the first; his palm is now nestled against my sensitive nub. I try to move myself against him to get more pleasure, but he holds me still. Fen’harel will be in command of my release.

My wall starts to grab at his beckoning fingers. I dig my nails into his knees. I try to keep my orgasm at bay. My eyes even start to water with the frustration of the constant build.

“Come for me, my heart.” He finally coaxes me with a twist of my nipple. “Let me hear you.”

Cries of ecstasy echo even louder in the bathroom as I call his name and throb around his still fiercely pressing fingers. He pushes me until I am limp against him, every drop of desire wrung from me.  

I take a few breaths and giggle a bit. “You are marvelous.”

“You do not think I’m finished with you, do you?” His voice is smug as he kisses along my shoulder. He gently pushes me forward and steps from the tub.

Fen’harel bends over the edge of the tub and places his arms under my knees and along my back as if to carry me. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around his neck and he pulls me from the water. The man is deceitfully strong.

He captures my lips with a soft, sensual kiss, stealing my breath away. His stride is confident and powerful as he crosses back into his bedroom and gently lays me on the blankets. Through his mask, his blue eyes wander along my body as if it were an amazing and precious gift.

Finally, he climbs onto the bed and kneels between my legs. “You are a goddess.” He praises, starting to kiss around the flare of my hip.

His kisses trail lower and lower. My completely satiated body protests a bit, jerking and trembling as he starts to light me afire again.

I know better than to object.

I am his.

He licks, long and slow, down my still slick folds. His tongue starts to relentlessly flick my clit with short strokes. Fen’harel knows exactly how my body wants to feel and he uses that knowledge so well.

My hands cling to bunches of his bed sheets as he makes me writhe beneath him.

A moan from his lips vibrates against me, provoking a loud hiss of breath. He chuckles and then moans more, as if he is desperate for my reactions. I can feel the bed dip as he moves his hips against it.

“Fuck,” I groan, “Fen’harel, please.”

He sits back on his heels and caresses up and down the insides of my thighs, “You will stop this protesting and let me give you pleasure, my love.”

Heat rolls through me as he calls me his love. “All I want is you. Your pressure on me. Your cock slamming into me. Your love surrounding me.”

Fen’harel looks like he has been struck, his lips part and his eyes widen a touch.

Before I can register what is happening, he is on me.

His kiss is hot and frenzied as if he were starved for my touch and taste. He pins my arms above my head and seats himself with a single thrust. Only then does he calm. My lover breathes heavily against me, eyes searching for some unspoken answer.

He starts to move again, throwing one of my legs over his shoulder for a better angle. My eyes roll back as he strokes the softness inside of me with ease. My lashes flutter shut.

Fen’harel strikes my thigh with the palm of his hand, “You will keep your eyes on mine.”

My lids flick open and my eyes lock onto his.

His smirk shoots to my core as if he had just sucked my nub between his lips.

“Good girl.” He praises, speeding up his motions. “Tell me what you feel.”

I gasp for air as he pounds me, but manage to say, “I love you.”

Instead of slowing, he deepens his thrusts, making me whimper as I hold back my fast approaching peak.

“Say it again.” He whispers, disbelieving, maybe even guilty.

My hips manage to roll against his, forcing a deep moan from his throat. “I love you, Fen’harel.”

He allows for me to keep meeting his body as much as I can. We are both panting from the exertions of our loving. His hips start to stutter, “Come with me, my love.”

Fen’harel cries my name as he throbs into me, pleasure fluttering in tandem with my own. My entire reality is just his voice. His body. His love.

The masked man stills after our screams turn to whispered moans. As he so often does, he pulls me into his arms, and rests my head against his pounding chest. “You _love_ me…. why?” He barely breathes.

“Why should I not?” I mumble, pushing myself harder against him.

He grabs a blanket from the side of the bed and tosses it over our dripping bodies. “You do not even know who I am.”

I kiss his heart, “I know exactly who you are.” I force my tired eyes up to look into his uncertain blue ones. “You are more than just that mask to me, Fen’harel.”

His arms hold me tightly. “You are my love. I promise to be better.” The words are surprisingly strong.

“You are already exactly what I need.” I smile reassuringly and kiss his cheek.

He shakes his head and lifts my chin so that he can kiss me. “I will be more.”

I do not understand his vehement promise, but I trust his judgement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years!!! Thank you all for being so patient during my break! I hope that you all had an awesome Holiday! I'm still traveling this week (Christmas, New Years, and my birthday are all within 2 weeks of each other, my birthday party with my family is today, so I'm currently rushing to get this posted...because I love you! <3). 
> 
> Next Time: Holiday Parties. 
> 
> A thank you goes out to [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) who is STILL the most amazing beta! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as[TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).  
> 


	14. Presents

Everyone at work is fairly understanding about my time as the Herald.

Bull had told Dorian mostly everything, but had left out my position and who my fiancé was, so it was not quite a complete surprise to him. He forgave me instantly and harbored no resentment for my position. Though, he did want me to corroborate all of the dirt that Bull had told him about everyone involved in the Inquisition. Of course, it was all true.

Vivienne was somewhat indignant and spent more time than necessary explaining to me all the things that I had done wrong as the Herald. It didn’t seem to matter that I wasn’t the one actually making any choices. For some reason, she also started to hound me about Alistair and the ball. I’m still not quite sure why that matters so much to her.

Solas was quiet. He didn’t corner me. He didn’t berate me. Eventually, I went into his office with two coffees (one actually coffee and one mostly milk and sugar). I told him more than the others. Honestly, it was similar to the way in which I had described the events to Fen’harel. Solas is really one of my closest friends. He was patient and kind, letting me vent when necessary and asking thoughtful questions.

Later, in confidence, Dorian told me that he sent Solas home the day that Cullen came to get me. Solas had been as close to distraught as Dorian had ever seen him, or at least as much as Solas would let be seen. “I don’t know what his hang ups were about you, but maybe this will have motivated him a little,” Dorian tells me.

I’m not sure what to make of all of it.

I send in an official letter of resignation to the Inquisition and a certain King of Ferelden sends an accompanying document of support. Alistair also promises the Inquisition that while I’m in his borders he will prevent me from organizing a counter movement. That is something I would never do, but he is a much better politician than I ever was. They seem content to leave me alone for now, at least.

Things go back to normal at work.

It’s only a few weeks until the end of semester and the Satinalia festival. I will be attending two parties that weekend, one with my department at Dorian’s home, and one with Fen’harel at Eluvian. Needless to say, my need to find suitable presents for all those involved is frantic.

Solas and I go back to the way we were too. After all of the awkwardness at the conference, I was afraid that he would recoil from me, but the opposite seems to be the case. He seems to stop by my office a bit more often even for innocuous things like an article he thought I’d like or random research idea that pops into his head.

I can’t help but find my heart racing a bit when he knocks on my door. It’s silly, I know that he wants to keep whatever it is between us friendly. Even if he did, I’m sure my high profile political past would have put a damper on my desirability.

The morning of the party, I grab my rolling office chair and scoot it up to my bookshelf. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put books on the top shelf was stupid. I can barely reach the middle.

“Mae,” Solas’ voice already sounds exasperated, “are you intending to stand on that chair?”

I am unamused at his concern, “Yes, I’ve done it plenty of times before.”

“Just because you continue to choose poorly and have not been punished, does not mean it will not happen.” He smirks, like he is in on some joke that I am not.

Something inside of me sings as it hears his voice imply punishment for me. I can’t help but blush at my internal naughtiness. “It’s fine, Solas.”

He holds up a hand to make me pause, “The library has a small step ladder. I will go get it for you. It’ll only take a moment.”

As soon as he is out of sight, I get up on the chair to grab the book I had meant to before I was so unnecessarily interrupted. Even with the chair, I’m up on my toes to touch the spine.  

“Maellana!” Solas barks my name. Something about it is familiar, but I can’t quite place it. “I told you to wait _just_ for a moment.”

I look down at him as he storms over, dropping the stool by the door. “Look, see, I almost have it.”

He puts his hands on his hips and gives me a look as if telling me to, “go on.”

My foot slips as I yank the book out of the stack. I yelp as I lose my balance and topple over the side of the chair.

Surprisingly, I don’t hit the ground.

Solas grabs me around the middle and catches me, however, the momentum knocks him down, landing me on top of him. He makes an “Oof” sound as he hits the ground flat on his back. My palms are resting against his chest and our faces are close, lips nearly touching, “Oh.” I gasp, breathless from shock and instant desire.

His Adam’s apple bobs, “You…um…” The grey eyes in front of me search my face as he brushes some hair back behind my ear, “Don’t do that again.” The reprimand is soft and almost worried.

“I don’t know,” I blush, “Will you be there to catch me?”

Solas looks shocked for a moment, before settling into a sweet smile, “Alw-“

“I see that the screams and tumbling were _not_ a sign of injury.” Vivienne sighs as if she were bored.

My head snaps up to look at her, eyes wide with embarrassment, “Oh, I fell.”

She arches her eyebrow “On top of Solas?”

I can feel my face turn red, “I…the chair…”

Solas retightens his grasp around my waist and helps to pull me to my feet, still holding me against him as though I’ll fall again. “Mae thought it was a good idea to use her desk chair as a ladder to reach her topmost shelf.” He looks down at me with a stern face, “It was not.”

“Lovely.” Vivienne eyes his arms around me with disdain, “I will be returning to work and wiping this from my memory. See you at the party tonight.”

I giggle nervously and press my forehead into the middle of his chest to hide my face.

Solas runs a hand along my hair, “Please, Mae, never again.”

“Alright.” I nod, breathing in his characteristic woodsy, library scent.

Being close to him just feels so natural that the moment we realize how intimate we are, everything becomes amazingly awkward. He puts a respectable distance between us, “I should go…I need to finish some things before tonight…I’ll see you there?”

I nod shyly, trying to come back into myself, “Of course, I wouldn’t miss Dorian’s party. He’s been setting up all day!”

“He does always make Satinalia memorable.” Solas chuckles.

All day, the only thing that I can think about is the warmth of Solas against me. A larger part of me than is acceptable thinks I should fall off of chairs more often.

I run home and get ready for the party. Once again, Zevran has taken it upon himself to dress me. He will be accompanying me to the party after multiple instances of his promising that one way or another he would meet the people I work with. I figured this would be the safest way to do that.

He wears dark jeans with some nice brown shoes, an off white v-necked shirt, and a rather odd blazer with a dark grey body and red velvet sleeves and trim. Somehow it looks really fashionable and slightly sexy. Honestly, it looks very Zev.

The dress he found me is red satin with a v-neck that is not extremely low. It fits to my waist and then flares out to my knee. I throw on some black lace heels and gold earrings. We really don’t match at all, but separately look rather festive. I just pull back my hair, there’s not enough time to get completely ready again _and_ wrap the gifts.

“You look lovely, my plus one.” Zevran smiles from the kitchen.

I grin and shake my head, “You are _my_ plus one. Promise to be good?”

“Only the best.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“That. That right there is what I’m talking about.” I laugh and point accusingly. “Now help me take this to the car.”

Dorian lives in a large home just outside of the city. It’s far more than just he would need, but it is beautiful. It’s old, possibly historic, and decorated with modern touches.

We put on our masks for the event, a traditional touch. We are both wearing the ones that first introduced me to Eluvian. I am rather uncomfortable wearing it outside of the club. I’ll have to wear the little cat mask tomorrow too. I am already looking for an excuse to take it off.

Everyone is in the living room when we walk in. Sera and Bull are in the most awful sweaters I’ve ever seen. Dorian seems rather annoyed by their attire to his semi-formal party. But really, there is no way either of them would be in anything close to formal dress if they had a choice in the matter.  I remember Leliana had to threaten Iron Bull to wear a uniform for official visits.

We greet the host and give him a nice bottle of wine to thank him for hosting us.

“Let it never be said that you are ill mannered,” Dorian smiles, admiring the label.

“It’s the least we could do. Oh! And I have something for you.” I smile slyly and take a nicely wrapped present out for Dorian.

He pulls away the paper and reveals an intricately carved chess set. The pieces are all from Tevinter mythology. I know he loves chess and his homeland, so ordering this seemed like a good fit.

Dorian looks awed, smiling in disbelief, “Mae, this is beautiful! Thank you.” He gives me a big hug and immediately turns toward Bull, “Look, Amatus!”

His excitement to show Bull makes it easier for me to take my leave.

I really only have eyes for one person.

Solas is wearing navy pants and a burgundy, cream, and navy checked shirt. Over it he has on a brown blazer that is very lightly plaid with touches of lighter brown and navy. He looks as he usually does when dressed up: not too much effort or couture, but extremely attractive. Of course Solas isn’t wearing a mask. He had said it was childish and frivolous, refusing to participate on principle.

“Hi,” I say softly as he walks over.

Zevran chuckles softly and sighs, “Is this the one you talk about, _carina_?”

“Zevran!” I hiss and smack his chest, “Solas, this is Zevran, one of my oldest friends.”

“Pleased to meet you. I am Solas.” The older man holds out his hand to shake with Zevran.

Zev returns the gesture, “I’m sure you are, friend.”

“Why are you being so strange?” I frown at the blonde.

He continues his small laughter at his own personal amusement. “Oh, Mae, I am just so happy to meet this man of mystery.” Zev looks Solas up and down once then walks over to the little bar.

“You _had_ said he was peculiar.” Solas looks down at me with no small amount of amusement.  

“Well, I’m glad I warned you.” I shake my head, watching as he suddenly makes best friends with Sera. “Apparently, I need to be reminded more often.”

Solas offers me his arm and walks us over to the bar, pouring us some red cocktail, “Bull whipped this up. I thought we might have some as to not offend his efforts.”

I take the drink happily from him, “I might suggest taking small sips over a very long period of time.” The glass taps against the bottom edge of my half mask, “You won’t be scandalized if I take this off, will you?”

He takes a drink, his face morphing into a disgusted enjoyment, “No, please, join me in my curmudgeonly ways.”

I undo the ribbon and go set my mask down by my purse. “Hey, come here. I have something for you.”

Solas blushes a bit and comes to stand by me. I hold his glass while he unwraps his gift, “This is…it’s a Genitivi.” His eyes grow wide, “Mae, this is a first edition.”

“Yep. I might not be Herald anymore, but I still have connections. I know his work is foundational for your research.” I beam as pure happiness etches onto his face. “You’ve been so wonderful these past months, I told you I’d thank you somehow.”

“This is too much, Mae.” He suddenly looks terrified.

I shake my head, “Never. If I could find you the first edition of everything he wrote, I would in heartbeat.”

“I have a gift for you as well, but…it seems…after this…” He sighs and retrieves a book sized package.

Our drinks get set down onto a table. It looks as if he will never let go of the leather bound manuscript.

Inside of the meticulously wrapped paper is a sketch pad. The drawings are charcoal and maybe some pencils. It’s everything from around the office, for the first few pages, then it becomes more focused. Coffee mugs, books, a salad, mint green eyes….me. Little pictures of me as I’m occupied doing other things, or smiling. “Solas…did…did you draw these?” I gasp, completely in shock. “They’re exquisite.”

“It is a small hobby of mine. I thought you might have anything I could possibly think of purchasing you. This is my sketch pad from the past six months.” He sounds vulnerable, eyes looking at the floor instead of me.

I launch myself into his arms, hugging him tightly, “Thank you, Solas. This is incredible. I love it!”

He melts a little, wrapping his arms around my waist, “I am beyond pleased that you like it.”

“Hey, look, mistlehorn!” Bull laughs bawdily pointing to the greenery attached to his horns.  

Dorian sighs and rubs his forehead, “It is not named for its location, you barbarian.”

Bull puckers his lips, “You’re under the mistlehorn, gotta kiss me.”

“Impossible, is what you are.” Dorian finally breaks into a smile and tilts his head up to chastely kiss his partner.

“If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I’m going to go pass out everyone else’s gifts before they get too drunk.” I smile, holding his sketch book to my chest.

“Don’t worry, friend, I’ll make sure he doesn’t get too lonely.” Zevran says out of nowhere, putting an arm around Solas’ shoulders.

“Good luck!” I wink and make my way around the room.

Vivienne gets a set of fancy bath oils from Orlais and Nevarra; she seems pleased, but only just so. I give Sera a little book of _101 Office Pranks_ because I apparently want to make my work life more difficult, and some of the fudgiest brownies I could make; she shows great enthusiasm for both things. Bull gets to open a dragon scale coat. It is dyed black to seem more intimidating; they might even let him wear it in the Inquisition. Iron Bull pulls me into a hug that lifts me off the ground and tells me that “It’s good to have you back, boss.”

I finally get to make my way back to Solas.

“Ah, but the lady has returned, I will leave you for now, friend.” Zev’s eyes twinkle as he goes back over to the bar.

“I hope he didn’t give you too much trouble.” I press my lips together with concern.

Solas shakes his head, “Of course not. He really is very nice.”

We fall into a nice conversation about Genitivi until, Iron Bull stands next to us and yells, “Mistlehorn!”

“Bull, really?” I exhale heavily.

The tips of Solas’ ears pink a bit, but he doesn’t quite protest.

“Rules of the party. You’ve been mistlehorned. Gotta kiss.” Iron Bull says with a salacious smile.

I laugh and roll my eyes. “Okay you win.” I lean over and kiss Solas softly on the cheek, “There.”

Solas, apparently, has a different idea.

As I start to lean away from him, he steps closer and rests a hand on my hip. He leans in slowly, giving me the opportunity to escape if I want to. I don’t. He keeps his eyes on mine until the last second.

His lips are soft and guiding, encouraging me into something deeper, more passionate.

Everything melts away and all I can think about his him. I hold tightly to the lapel of his jacket and kiss him back like I’ve wanted to for months. He is warm and strong; his other hand cups my cheek, brushing along my cheekbone.

Right as I part my lips to allow his tongue’s exploration, we are jolted back to reality by a loud whistle.

“Get it, Quizzy!” Sera shouts from the other side of the room.

I gasp and have the distinct urge to jump back, but Solas holds me firm. His thumb caresses my cheek and he looks at me with complete adoration. I smile, but can feel myself blushing.

“If I had actually thought that’d work, I would have done it months ago.” Dorian says with a smile.

“Let them have a moment, people.” Bull demands, standing over the two of us.

I give him a reproachful look.

“Got it, Boss.” He nods and goes over toward Dorian.

“Hi.” I say softly, finally somewhat only concerned with Solas again.

“Hello.” He chuckles, “I hope you aren’t offended. I just…I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

I shake my head, “Not offended in the least. I…I’ve wanted to.”

He gently lifts my chin and bends down a bit, kissing me chastely. “I’m glad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!!! Thank you all so much for the Birthday wishes! I had an awesome party with my family and then, on my actual birthday, a nice dinner with the Mr. However, there was deceitful carrot cake. I'll never recover fully. hahaha
> 
> Also, Surprise! Solas kisses!!! After all the feels, I felt like some fluff was necessary. <3 I hope you liked it!!! 
> 
> Next Time: Eluvian's party. 
> 
> I've still been on break all week, which has been fantastic! Classes start back up again on Monday, ugh. I hope that you all had a fantastic New Years! I can't wait to start 2016 with all of you! <3!!! 
> 
> A thank you goes out to [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) who is STILL the most amazing beta! Even when I'm awful and don't send her a chapter until like 10pm on Thursday. Everyone go love on her!!!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as[TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).  
> 


	15. Masters

I am incredibly nervous for the party at Eluvian.

It’s the first time I have to dress myself for a large party. Apparently, Zevran has his own appointments to keep. I still do not know and do not care to know what sort of things he does to make money.

After the work party last night, he teased me relentlessly and I gave him his gift: a new set of lock picks. “I can’t have you wearing out my door, can I?” I told him. My friend was very pleased.

The outfit is mostly successful. I have on a black sweater with a sparkly gold skirt and some black heels. I know that Fen’harel will be in all black, per usual, and I’d like to match. I proudly wear my lock and twist my hair into a little knot at the nape of my neck so that it won’t interfere with the ties of my mask.

Mr. Blackwall arrives at 8pm, exactly. He is also wearing all black, but I already know that he won’t wear a mask. “You are stunning as usual, Miss Mae.” The man beams after I open the door. He asks permission and then takes my overnight bag from me.

Fen’harel begrudgingly let me stay home Friday because of my department party, but tonight I am his.

I’ll have to explain the amazing kiss from Solas and our plans to go out for dinner together one night after work as well. Thinking about it makes me frown.

“Is all well, Miss Mae?” Blackwall asks as we drive to Eluvian.

I nod, “Yes, just thinking.”

When we get out of the car, he stops me with a gentle hand on my arm. “Mask first. He wants me to warn you that some of the other Masters are somewhat peculiar and that if you are uncomfortable you only need tell him and the two of you will depart for the night.”

“Thank you, Mr. Blackwall. I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I smile, putting on my cat mask.

“You’ve yet to meet Andruil.” He mumbles, holding the door to the club open for me.

Much to my surprise, a very nice cocktail party is going on in the main club area. Honestly, I had half expected this whole thing to be one giant orgy.

Fen’harel is standing on the far side of the room and immediately notices me, smiling broadly.

I make my way directly to him.

“Hello, little one. I’ve missed you.” He leans down and kisses me as if we weren’t in the middle of a room of people.

Every time I see him I can’t help but smile dreamily, “I’ve missed you too.”

He fingers the lock against my neck, “Thank you for continuing to accept my gift, my heart.”

“I love you.” I whisper, kissing him again.

A man clears his throat, “Won’t you introduce us---“

“--to this lovely creature?” The sentence is finished by a second man.

Fen’harel bristles a bit, “Little one, these are Dirthamen and Falon’din. They are the dual Masters here.”

“Nice to meet you.” I nod with a small smile.

“It’s good to see that Fen’harel has a little one.” The man with a skull mask says, “I am Falon’din.”

“Dirthamen,” says the one with a simple matte black mask, which is assumed to be an introduction. “This is one of our switches.” He gestures to a man I only know too well.

“Good evening, my friend.” Zevran purrs.

I groan, “For fuck’s sake, really? This was your appointment that you couldn’t help me get ready for?”

“Language, little one.” Fen’harel scolds with a smirk.

Zevran chuckles, “Can’t I have fun too?”

“You know her, little one?” Falon’din asks.

“She is a dear friend, sir.” Zevran says softly.

The twins look at her for a few moments then nod in unison.

Falon’din starts to speak “Should she ever wish—“

“--to play, we would be willing.” Dirthamen finishes.

Fen’harel softly growls in his chest, “Thank you for the compliment, but she is only mine.”

To emphasize the point, I wrap my arms around this waist and press myself at his side. My lover looks down at me approvingly and places his hand on the small of my back.

“Come little one, we have more to show you to.” Dirthamen demands of Zevran.

As they walk around I make a thoughtful sound.

“Speak.” Fen’harel orders kindly.

“He’s the one that bothers you all the time. I wonder how he always ends up where I am.” I muse, “It’s both concerning and comforting.”

Fen’harel rubs his hand along my back, “He must care for you deeply.”

I nod, “He is my best friend.”

“Then, I am glad for him.” He lifts my chin and kisses me sweetly.

Our masks bump at the nose. “I hate wearing this.”

“Just a little longer, my heart.” Fen’harel brushes his thumb along my lower lip, “Soon, you’ll be entirely mine.”

“I am already entirely yours.” I say shyly.

He brushes his fingers along my chin, “How was your night without me?”

I immediately frown and my jaw tenses.

Fen’harel’s eyes flash angrily, “You were asked a question, little one.”

A long breath trickles out of my nose, as I pull him into a secluded corner. “We had a Satinalia party for work.”

“And?” He rests his hand on the side of my neck as a warning.

“I kissed someone…the man I told you I had a crush on…” I confess quickly.

He smirks, “The one who denied you when you were away with him?”

I nod and avert my eyes.

My lover laughs brightly, “Good. I see he has found some sense.” I look up at him in shock, which makes him laugh harder, “No one could deny my little one. You are far too enticing. Mae, I told you that you were permitted to find someone in the light. I am not upset.”

“You promise that you aren’t angry.” I mumble, still ashamed.

“No, dear one. I am not at all upset.” He tilts my chin up and kisses me softly, “Perhaps one day, if you are very lucky, he’ll join us to play.”

I smack his chest, “Fen’harel, you are awful!” My eyes study him closely, “You _swear_ this is alright?”

“Question me again and you will be punished.” He growls, “I am a man of my word. I told you that you could have another.”

I lift myself up on my toes and slant my mouth against his, pulling his lips against mine. “You are better than I deserve. I won’t question it again.”

“You are a gift, dear one.” He kisses my forehead,

A masked woman comes to my side. “Well, well what have we here?”

“Good evening, Mythal.” Fen'harel says stiffly.

“I see you’ve finally brought a guest.” She smirks, somehow already under his skin with just a sentence.

Fen’harel rolls his eyes, “Yes, we have been together for some months now.”

“Good for you…finally…Mother will be pleased to know.” She smiles, but there is something not quite genuine in it.

“I am sure she will be. Is retirement suiting her?” He actually sounds concerned about whoever this woman’s mother is.

The woman in the black dragon mask nods, smirking, “Yes, she has taken to domming random men there as well.”

“That sounds like her.” Fen’harel chuckles.

Mythal frowns, “Yes, it is delightful.”

I cover my mouth to stifle a giggle at her dry demeanor.

She looks at me with hawk like eyes. “She is pretty. You seem lighter. Good.” And with that she walks away.

“Strange.” I whisper.

Fen’harel puts an arm around my waist, “Her mother was even more peculiar.” He kisses the top of my head and sighs into my hair at something in his head, “Can I get you a drink?”

“Yes, please.” I smile in that dreamy way reserved for him.

As soon as he reaches the table, a hand rests on my hip. “Little one of Fen’harel.” A woman announces to the room, but no one pays her much mind.

I yelp and jump away from her. “Yes?” my voice squeaks.

The woman is tall and wears a terrifying black mask that looks like a growling beast with bared teeth and an arrow through its cheeks. She smiles with too much of her mouth and too little of her eyes. “Where is your master?”

He hands me a drink smoothly, stepping between the woman and myself, “Here.”

She looks at the drink in my hand with disgust. “You _served_ her.”

“Yes, Andruil. I did.” He says simply, taking a smug drink of his cocktail.

Andruil snaps her fingers and three barely clad people come away from the wall. I hadn’t even noticed them there. It’s a woman and two men and they scurry over to her only to kneel at her feet. “You’re doing it wrong, Fen’harel.”

“There is no one way, Andruil.” He places a protective hand on my lower back. “This is what we have agreed upon and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

She grunts in annoyance, “Mythal was too soft in your training. You should have had Elgar’nan. There would have been none of this nonsense.” Andruil turns her attention to me, “Kneel for him, as he deserves.”

I look at her in disbelief, “I don’t have to listen to you.”

Andruil seems shocked, “She should have to obey other Masters, Fen’harel.”

“No, she should not. I did not put it in the contract.” He says simply. “Go bother someone else.”

She reaches a hand toward me and Fen’harel immediately grabs her wrist, “Mine.” He hisses.

“Fen’harel, might we retire for the night?” I ask quietly. The party suddenly seems like far too much excitement for me.

He drops the woman’s hand and takes mine instead. “Of course, dear one.”

Andruil scoffs, “Dear one? You are weak. She’ll never be more than this for you, Fen’harel. You’ll only ever be a masked fuck. Make the best of it while you can.”

Fen’harel stops in midstride. The insult hits him harder than I would have expected it to. “Hey,” I whisper, “She’s just trying to bother you. Take me upstairs. I have something for you.”

He looks at me thoughtfully for a moment, letting his anger subside and the twinkle return to his eye. “It wouldn’t happen to be your exquisite breasts would it?”

I laugh and tug his hand toward the door to the stairs. “Perhaps later.”

Fen’harel finds Blackwall’s eyes in the room before we leave and they share a small nod of understanding.

We ascend the stairs to his hall. For some reason, the paintings on the walls pop out to me more than usual. I can’t quite put my finger on why. Maybe Solas’ drawings are giving me a new appreciation for art.

I lead him to my room and sit him on the bed.

My bag is waiting for me on my dresser, just like it always is thanks to Mr. Blackwall. Inside is a small box wrapped for the holiday that I hand to my lover. “I wanted to give you something special.”

“My love, this was unnecessary. I thought we had decided not to exchange gifts.” He frowns.

I smirk, “Was it a rule?” He looks at me with a warning, but I continue. “Open it, please.”

Inside is a key on a chain.

Fen’harel holds it up and looks touched, “It is a key to match your lock…”

My smile is bright and happy. “I had it crafted especially for you. I am still well connected from the Inquisition and know many talented artists. Oh! Look at the back.”

He reads the inscription out loud, “I love you always, your little one.”

“Maellana,” He whispers, “This is…it is everything.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!!! The semester has begun and it has been a mess. This update is a bit on the shorter side, but I think it's fun and I prefer it to not posting. I hope that you like it!
> 
> Also, I'm super behind on comments, so thank you for being patient while I catch back up! <3
> 
> Next Time: FH and Mae spend some time together
> 
> A thank you goes out to [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) who is STILL the most amazing beta! This time I didn't get it to her until 11pm. T_T Love on her!!!!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as[TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).  
> 


	16. Tied*

“Here,” I gesture to the necklace, “I’ll put it on if you’d like.” I want him to want it. I want him to wear it constantly like I do mine.

The way he is looking at me is almost vulnerable; if he were anyone else it would be, but this is my masked man. “Yes.” He whispers.

The chain is long, letting the key rest along the middle of his chest, just below his sternum. Once the clasp is set, he runs his hands thoughtfully along the metal. Suddenly, his eyes flash. “Would you like to play, little one?”

“Yes, Fen’harel.” I giggle breathily. I love to play. He’s never stilled in my training, instead pushing me ever so slightly toward the goals he established. With all the parties, I was afraid we wouldn’t have the time to spend on a session. Some take a surprising amount of set up in order to be safe and still pleasurable.

He smiles, “What is your safe word?”

“Calculus.” I roll my eyes, still regretting the choice of word. It works perfectly well, but I feel silly every time I must confirm it.

Fen’harel doesn’t immediately flip into his dominant posture. He leans over to kiss me sweetly, “I need to grab some things. While I am gone, you will undress completely and lay yourself out on the bed.” His voice is demanding, but his touch is reverent.

“Yes, Fen’harel.” I smile, somewhat confused, somewhat happy.

He seems begrudging to leave me, but goes all the same.

I take off my party attire and the red lace lingerie I’d worn just for him. As much as I’d like to show off, I’d rather not disobey this early in a session. Of course, I keep my lock on.

As I lay on the bed, he comes back into the room. His sports jacket and shoes are gone, and, much to my delight, so is his shirt. His shoulders are strong and his face is a sort of impassively excited: He is ready. In his hands is a small bag.

“Good girl,” he approves with a smug smile, “Now, lay on your stomach” I do and he continues ordering me, “Bend your knees so that your feet are in the air and rest your hands down by your hips.”

It’s an odd position, but I hold it for him.

He stands at the edge of the bed and caresses along my back. His hand goes lower, drawing little circles along my ass and the backs of my thighs. I sigh contentedly at his touch.

“I am going to restrain you.” His low voice rumbles through my body as powerfully as any caress he could give me. “I am going to use that small flail you like until you beg. You will come as many times as I desire. If you are very good, I’ll let you suck my cock.”

My body is nearly vibrating with anticipation, “Yes, Fen’harel, I promise to be very good.”

He runs a hand along my hair, “I would expect nothing less from my little one.” From the bag he pulls out rope and ties it around my ankles, then he grabs my hands and ties them to my ankles. My right wrist tied to my right ankle and left tied to left. My back and behind are mostly uncovered for him and my legs are spread just enough should he wish to explore my already wet folds. “Are you alright like this?”

“Yes, Fen’harel.” I smile reassuringly.

“Good.” His fingers come to rest between my legs, dipping into my slickness. He chuckles darkly, “More than alright it seems, my wanton woman.”

I moan softly, “I am in constant want of you.”

His hand is gone for a moment, then the sting of the flail lands on my ass. I gasp in surprise. “In want of who, little one? Wouldn’t want you calling the wrong name again.”

“Yes, Fen’harel.” I chuckle, “What _will_ you do if that kiss becomes more, Fen’harel?”

A rapid succession of small whips is his response. It is exciting me to no end, “Then, I’ll have to remind you to whom you belong.” His voice is strained and he slaps hard across my ass with his hand.

I moan at the feeling of his palm across the lines the flail had laid down.

“I don’t think he’ll please me the way you do. He seems far too gentle.” I assess with a lust deepened voice. “No, he would worship me, every inch of me.”

“Would he?” Fen’harel smirks, and starts alternating between his hand and leather toy. “He may surprise you as you did me.”

The corners of my lips lift in amusement between my increasingly lewd moans, “Hmmm…maybe he’d bend me over that large desk of his and fuck me. We’d be at work, so he’d have to gag me. You know how appreciative I can be.”

Fen’harel groans and his fingers slide against my dripping cunt. “You’d let yourself be taken at work?”

“If he wanted, Fen’harel.” I grab my ankles tighter as he slides two fingers into me and starts thrusting them without preamble.

My lover nearly growls, “Come, my dirty little one.” as he relentlessly twists his fingers inside of me. He knows exactly where to hit to make me scream. It’s almost embarrassing how quickly I come for him. As my muscles still flutter against his fingers he slaps my ass again. I almost cry it feels so good. “How dirty will you be for me?”

I gulp for air to steady my voice, “However much you desire, Fen’harel.”

“Good girl.” He smirks, walking away and gets back into his bag, pulling out a vibrator with a projection that fits snugly against my clit. It easily slips into my body when he pushes it against my entrance. “I’m going to pull you to your knees now.”

He lifts me so that I’m resting on my knees with my hands and ankles still tied. It’s not exactly comfortable, but manageable. The vibrator’s end sits against the bed, helping to hold it perfectly inside of me.

At the side of the bed, he finally removes his pants, freeing his rigid cock. “You’re going to suck me now. And,” he grabs a small remote from the bag. He hits one of the buttons and the toy starts to vibrate, “you’re going to come for me again while you do.”

I whimper and drop my chin to my chest. He is only just starting with me. It’s going to be a long exquisite night.

Fen’harel gets up onto the bed and stands, holding a normally hidden strap along the ceiling. Usually, it is used for attaching ropes to, but for now it steadies him. His other hand fists into my hair and pulls my already open and waiting mouth to his member. “Deep breaths. Relax.” He commands in a calm voice.

“Yes, Fen’harel.” I nod, opening wider to accommodate his girth.

He only slips his tip in with a few small thrusts, letting me lick his head enthusiastically. I crave his taste, but am rarely allowed to partake.

Slowly, he gives me more. After months of mindful training I barely notice how far he is down my throat until my nose is against his pelvis. Fen’harel can tell when the slight panic comes over me; he caresses my cheek and gives me an encouraging smile. I take a deep breath and then swallow, provoking the most beautiful, lewd moan from his lips.

The vibrator starts to distract me as he ups the speed. I am using the bed to help thrust the toy into me while I greedily suck and lick my lover.

“Maybe you _need_ two lovers, wanton little one.” Fen’harel smiles smugly as he rolls his hips against my lips. He holds onto my hair and moves himself slower, “I want you to come for me.”

I moan around him and rub myself harder against the bed. Finally, I can feel my legs start to shake and all of my muscles tighten with release. He flips the toy up another level right at my peak. My screams are muffled around his dick. It’s almost too much, the power, the sensation.

Fen’harel pulls himself from my lips and he kneels, helping me fall over softly to my side. I’m still quaking with release as he pulls the vibrator from my body, “Good girl.” He praises me with a long, lingering kiss. His tongue tasting what was left of him on my lips. “I have more surprises for you.”

“Fen’harel,” I whimper, not sure what sort of surprises I can handle at the moment.

He comes back to me and pours some oil along my ass. I look over my shoulder to see him also oiling up a ribbed plug. My whole body shudders of its own accord in anticipation of the pleasure. He starts by massaging my behind and sliding the plug along my puckered hole, then slowly, the small tip presses through my ring. I gasp and force myself to relax. Once I’ve calmed, he pushes through the next, and the next, until finally all of it fits pleasantly into me.

My lover pulls me over to my knees. With no hands to hold my shoulders up, they fall to the bed with my head turned to the side. Fen’harel puts a pillow below my cheek. “Is this alright?”

I smile, “Yes, Fen’harel.”

He disappears from my line of sight.

A loud slap of something new hits against what I assume is his hand. I know that sound well and it makes me even wetter in anticipation: the paddle.

The hardened leather smacks against my upturned ass. It jostles the plug sinfully inside of me in addition to its usual appeal.

“Would you bring him to me?” Fen’harel asks in a huskier voice than usual. “Would you have him watch as I used your tight body to please just the two of us?” I nearly come from the idea alone. “Or would you want us to both take you at once? Perhaps you’d wish to see him prostrated before me?” The paddle bites into my skin. He’s hitting harder than usual, or maybe I’m just more sensitive…

I cry out after he strikes the same place twice in a row.

He stops. “Use your safe word if you need it.”

“I am fine, Fen’harel.” I say on a choked back sob.

His fingers caress along my burning red behind and thighs. The sweet touch is both calming and torture. “I’m going to fuck you, Mae.” He gets back up onto the bed and kneels behind me.

“Please, Fen’harel.” I beg against the pillow, “Please, fill me.”

He grabs onto my hips and with a single roll of his hips is fully sheathed inside of me. The sound of his relief is deep and animalistic. The feeling of him inside of me is intensified as it almost feels like he is rubbing me against the ribs of the plug with every unrestrained thrust. He is rough and unrelenting. One of his hands leaves my hip and starts to circle my clit with a purposeful focus. “You’re going to come with me, my love.” He demands as he manipulates me.

Fen’harel plays my body like an instrument that he has learned carefully for many years, making me feel, making me scream in ways I didn’t know I could.

The line of his jaw is taut, he’s holding himself back. He’s waiting for me. Fen’harel is always denying himself for my benefit.

His fingers twist my nub as he hits against the perfect place inside of my walls. “Please,” I beg, holding myself back.

He grunts, “Come for me,” and repeats the action.

I sob his name as I come again, so powerful and well used that I see white light in my lustful daze.  Our hips still move together as we ride out our twin climaxes.

Fen’harel is still breathing heavily, but pulls out of me with an almost whimper. He quickly unties me and gently removes the plug.

My lover gathers me up into his arms and rests us on the blankets. “Thank you, dear one.” He whispers, kissing me sweetly.

“Thank _you_ , Fen’harel.” I giggle as tears being to stop running down my cheeks.

Once my breath evens out, Fen’harel places me on my stomach and grabs the minty salve from the bedside. He picks up my wrist and sees that it’s deeply cut into, “You should have said something,” he frowns severely.

“It was fine,” I hiss as he rubs it with the slightly green gel, “at the time.”

He shakes his head and looks furious, “I suppose I will have to pay better attention _for_ you. We will not have sex until these are healed.” He points at the lines around my wrists and ankles.

“Yes, Fen’harel,” I pout.

Fen’harel quickly grabs my pursed lips in his hand, “No. Sassing. I am supposed to take care of you and I had a lapse in judgement. This is serious, Maellana. It’s just as much a punishment for me as it is for you.”

My brow furrows, “Yes, Fen’harel, I’m sorry.”

We both don’t speak as he massages my extremely tender ass and thighs. I guess we are both just lost in our own worlds of contemplative remorse. Still, when he has finished he lays against the pillows and cradles me against his chest.

I play with the key that rests on his chest, “What do I tell him about us?” I whisper nervously.

Fen’harel kisses the top of my head, “You tell him whatever you want him to know.”

“I can’t just be like, ‘hey guy I work with who I’m dating, I get fucked on the weekends by this other guy that I’m in love with.’” I grumble.

He laughs, “Perhaps you should not say that.”

“Then what? I just…How?” I stammer holding myself flush to the side of his body.

Fen’harel makes a long sound of contemplation, “Whatever you say, you may let him know that I am perfectly happy with your pursuing him. In fact, I encourage it.”

“I guess that’s helpful,” I grimace. I bury my face in his chest, “He’s going to think I’m strange and not want to go out with me ever again.”

My lover’s chest vibrates with his roaring laughter, “If he wants you as much as he seems to, then he will work through it. Besides, you’re only going on a date with a man you kissed, it’s not as if you are eloping.”

“Let me get through our first date before you start joking about marriage. I’ve only _just_ gotten out of one engagement,” I groan.

He stiffens, clearly uncomfortable, “Yes, I suppose you are right.”

I yawn and cuddle him happily, “I’m glad you like your gift.”

“I could not have imagined anything more beautiful.” His voice is awed and he strokes my cheek tenderly.

Fen’harel shifts us so that the blankets of the bed can cover our naked bodies, then he flips off the light beside the bed. “Sleep, my love.” He coos and kisses my forehead.

I close my eyes and the evenness of his breaths lull me into the Fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!!! I hope that your week went well, things are sort of calming down here a bit. It's still far too cold outside! 
> 
> I had intended on some more plot, but the smut took over. I had been awhile since Mae had gotten some, so I hope no one minded!!! 
> 
> Also, I'm still super behind on comments, so thank you for being patient while I work on getting back up to date. <3 I so so so appreciate you all saying such awesome things and asking question and just generally being the best readers! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! 
> 
> Next Time: Solas and Mae have a date
> 
> A thank you goes out to [Six_Lily_Petals](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals) who is SERIOUSLY the most amazing beta! I made it at 8pm last night, which is still awful. Love on her!!!! She is great!!!!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at[TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).  
> 


	17. Date

On Monday, Solas and I decided to improvise our date somewhat. We usually went out together for coffee or to grab lunch, but this time was different.

There’s a soft knock on the door almost as soon as I walk into my office. Solas is standing in the door frame with a small, shy smile. We hadn’t gotten to talk since the party and I think we both were feeling a little love drunk from the fantastic kiss. “Good morning, Maellana.”

“Morning, Solas. Have a nice weekend?” I grin over at him as I’m booting up my desktop. “You can come in...if you want.”

He comes up and leans across from me at my desk, “More of the same, but with a sense of amazement.”

“Oh?” I tilt my head to the side in question.

“I did not imagine that you would--” He lets out a slow breath, “Would you like to go to lunch with me today? I’m not sure I can make it until Friday waiting for our date.” The man turns pink after he finishes speaking.

I laugh softly and abandon my computer so that I can move around to stand in front of him, “I wouldn’t want to cause you any discomfort Solas.” I tease and then raise up on my toes to kiss his cheek, “I would love to go to lunch with you.”

My cheeks flush along with his, “I can’t stop thinking about you.” It’s true. I can’t. I can still feel his lips pressing against mine.

His hand rests on my waist, “I hope they’re good thoughts.”

“Only the best.” I wink, provoking more redness in his cheeks.

A voice comes through the door, “I don’t know why I even bother walking down here.” Vivienne is stopped in front of my office with a disgusted look on her face. “I hope you don’t make this a habit. There’s a reason rooms have doors. Have a sense of propriety.” And just as abruptly, she struts away.

“We made her cross.” I frown.

Solas laughs at that, “No, she is always this way.” Then the blush comes back, “But yes, we should not be so close within the sight of those at the office.”

“I don’t mind!” Dorian yells from across the hall, “Carry on!”

I bury my face in Solas chest, “Yes, I think you’re right about that.” 

Lunch was, honestly, the same as ever. We went to the little cafe near campus had coffee, well I had coffee, and sandwiches with soup. Solas had always insisted on paying for things and he certainly wasn’t going to stop now. 

The feelings were different or at least they were open. Solas looked at me like I was magic, enrapturing, and exciting. Eye contact sent chills of anticipation through me and showing my thrill was acceptable. 

On the way back to the department’s building, I slipped my mitten clad hand into his leather gloved one. 

It was bliss. 

We were still going out on Friday. Fen’harel was completely supportive, but he wanted me to come over and spend the night with him after. That, of course, was conditional on my not spending the night with Solas. Gods, I want him to touch me….everywhere...and with the way that he kissed me...he might want to touch me just as badly.

The week goes rather quickly; it’s a flash of racing hearts and stolen glances.

On Friday, Solas picks me up at my apartment. We had a number of discussions about if he was or was not allowed to drive me anywhere again. After the fiasco going to airport, I was strongly on the ‘no’ side of the argument.

Solas won.

He is too handsome and kind for me to not give in. Lucky jerk. I used to be the head of a massively important political party…well, sort of…A handsome nice guy got me to do a great many things back then too. Maybe I should work on that.

It’s different, though. I trust Solas. He wanted me for me and not for any other reason. He’d never convince me to do anything I didn’t want to.

Regardless, we arrived at a relatively nice restaurant just as the sun was setting. It was comfortable and very date worthy, but not nice enough that we really needed to dress up. He was in grey pants and a button up with a beige sweater. Dorian often makes fun of how drab Solas dresses, but really he always looks amazing.

Over the meal we just chatted about things.

“What are holidays like for you, usually?” He takes a sip of the carefully selected wine he asked for off of the list. It’s very good. Who knew that he had such good taste in drinks? On second thought, he does sort of seem like the type of man who would research everything before purchasing it. Wine wouldn’t be any different.

I press my lips together in thought. “Before or after I was 19?” 

He frowns, “Whichever you’d like. I’m sorry that was...I hadn’t thought. You don’t need to entertain my inane questions.” 

“Solas, really, it’s alright.” I nod reassuringly, “Alright, well, mother and father as well as my two younger brothers and I would all make dinner together. If Pavel or Samran got too rowdy, dadae would chase them around with a spoon.”

“And if you were the one causing trouble?” Solas smirks.

I press a hand to my chest in shock, “I was never the one who caused trouble! I was an absolute princess.” 

“I’m sure you were.” His smug smile only solidifies. 

“Dadae passed away during the Blight. He was in the company that General Loghain abandoned. I wasn’t really old enough to understand what that meant.” I smile sadly at my wine, “I was a supporter of Alistair taking the throne before I even met him. He’s actually how I got accepted into the advanced PhD program. The King wanted to help everyone who had been hurt through the Blight and I wrote to the palace to petition for funding. I hadn’t expected anyone would answer.” 

Alistair did. The King himself wrote back to me. I think maybe he felt somewhat responsible for my misery in the Inquisition and took extra effort to support me. He is the best of men. He always has been. 

“My mother was a tailor and worked constantly once my father was gone to make sure we had the basic necessities. She loved us, but didn’t have the time to dote. I took care of the boys most of the time. But, we still made dinner every single Satinalia all together. The spoon that dadae wielded hangs on the wall over the stove, so it was like he was still there too.” 

Solas reaches across the table and covers my hand with his. “I am sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” I smile playfully, “Oh, but you haven’t even heard about Inquisition holidays.” 

“Indeed, I have not.” He squeezes my hand and then gives it back to me. 

I take a drink and then continue, “Large parties in fancy dresses. Politicians and random rich people from all over Thedas would come to Skyhold. There would be a large banquet where I’d have to sit at the head table and everyone would be watching me eat. Then, there would be dancing and socializing. I loved dancing.” I chuckle involuntarily, “Cullen would always be stuck in a corner being harassed by all manner of people. They kept it up even after we had announced our engagement. Poor man.” 

Across from me, Solas shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Yes, perhaps I should not bring up my former fiance at our first dinner date. I tug at the ends of my hair and deflect, “What are holidays like for you?” 

Solas gives me some look that I don’t quite understand, but starts speaking anyway, “When I was young it was just my parents and I, the curse of an only child, you see. We would have a very traditional dinner, or at least they claimed that it came from our Elvhen roots. To this day I am unconvinced, but it was a nice gesture.”

“What do your parents do?” I can’t help, but be happy thinking about what little Solas was like.

His brow furrows just a touch, “They were teachers.” 

“Were? So they’re retired?” I reason, taking a small sip of wine. 

My date drums his fingers on the table, “No, they passed away in a car accident while I was finishing my dissertation.” 

“Oh, Solas I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have pried.” My hands cover my mouth in horror. I am officially the worst date. 

He waves a hand in dismissal, “It has been nearly ten years. You did nothing wrong, Mae. Holidays have recently been rather solitary aside from Dorian’s forced gatherings. I mostly spend that time at shelters or food banks. There are so many who are worse off than I have ever been. Is it not the spirit of the holidays to give to others? I find myself with no one specific to give anything to; why not give in general?”  

I can feel little tears forming in the corners of my eyes, “That’s beautiful, Solas.  _ You’re  _ beautiful.”

Solas blushes and focuses his eyes on the table, “I...thank you. It’s not for praise. Well, and this holiday...I had someone I wanted to give to for the first time in many years.” 

“That…” I’m really not sure how to respond to that. “Thank you for thinking of me to be worth it.” 

He looks up slowly, “You are worth  _ everything _ .” His words are so earnest is almost hurts. 

My heart is racing and I can’t stop myself from saying, “Solas, do you want to have dessert and coffee at my apartment?” 

Solas fumbles his wine glass, but catches it before it tips. “You...um...you want me to come up for dessert?” 

“I wouldn’t have asked otherwise.” I roll my eyes playfully. “You don’t have to if you don’t want.”

“No!” He shouts  _ just  _ too loud for being in a restaurant, “No, I would love to.” 

Of course when we get there, Zevran is laid out on my couch like he owns the place. “I see you brought a friend home, Mae.” My friend looks tickled pink at the development. 

I’m really not sure how I didn’t think about this being a possibility. “Don’t you have better things to do than eat my food and use my cable? Your apartment is bigger than mine!” I protest. 

“Ah yes, but yours is so much more comfortable.” Zevran purrs, “I see your date wishes for some comfort too, no? Solas, was it?” 

Solas locks eyes with Zevran, “Yes, it’s nice to see you again Zevran.” 

Zevran looks like the cat who caught the canary. Is it really that amusing that I’ve brought my date back to my  _ own  _ home? “Why are you being so weird?!” I grumble at Zevran while dropping my purse and taking Solas and my coats to the closet. 

“I am just happy for you, my friend.” He winks at me, then sternly looks at Solas. “If you break her, I’ll break you. No questions. No warning. Only action.” 

“Zevran!” I shout, “Seriously, what are you doing? Thank you for the oath of protection, but please break into someone else’s home tonight.” 

His eyebrow raises in challenge, “Maybe the twins would like some company.” 

I toss Zev his coat; at least he has the decency to hang up his things. “Good night, Zevran.” 

“Good night, sweet Mae.” He kisses me on the cheek and moves to the door. The Antivan pauses at Solas and puts a hand on his shoulder, “No warning,” he repeats and then glides out the door. 

Solas stands there quietly, then, “He’s seeing twins?” 

“It’s a long story for another time.” I groan, “You can sit if you’d like. Alistair sent over the largest basket of cheese I’ve ever seen for Satinalia. Well, it also had chocolates and breads...cheese accessories.” 

“The King sent you cheese for Satinalia.” Solas repeats flatly. 

I shrug, “It was for Zevran too. They were in a mixed company during the Blight.” 

“Does that man know  _ everyone _ ? What is it that he does for a living?” Solas stares at the door as if Zevran were still there.

“I don’t know and I refuse to ask.” I shake my head and smile, “Some things are better off staying a mystery.” 

He pauses looking at his hands, “Perhaps you’re right. Some things are better-- No, knowledge is preferable to ignorance.” 

“Well, then you can ask him.” I sing, bringing over a tray of random cheese, fruit, and chocolate. 

We throw on a documentary about the native wildlife of the historic Dales and snack. A moment of daring comes over me and I snuggle up against him. 

Solas looks down at me with a mixture of surprise and happiness. His arm wraps around my shoulders and he kisses me softly on the lips. A chaste kiss on the lips is not what I return to him. I place a hand along his jaw and press myself against him with a clear feeling of want. 

That small coaxing is all it takes for him to wrap his fingers in my hair and deepen the kiss. We melt into each other with a slow passion from months of pent up desires. 

I want what I was denied in our first kiss. My tongue traces the seam of his lips and he eagerly opens to me. No one can interrupt us this time. 

He is perfection. the way his hands cradle my head and caress my side makes me sigh softly into him. Our tongues dance, balancing between harmony and teasing. 

I push back on his shoulder and guide him to lay on the couch. The kiss breaks for just long enough for me to straddle his hips and reposition myself on top of him. 

There is now no doubt that he wants this as badly as I do. A hardness in his pants presses against my inner thigh. Part of me can’t believe this is really happening. Months of does he or doesn’t he and now he’s here on my couch with his tongue down my throat. 

Oh, he most definitely does. 

Our frenzied make out continues and I grow bolder. My clothed hips press down on his covered erection and sway. The deep groan that he responds with is intoxicating. I want more. 

His grip on me strengthens, a hand still in my hair and another on my thigh. I keep the movement of my body consistent, loving the feeling of him around me. 

I untuck his shirt and slide a hand along the skin of his stomach. Solas is surprisingly fit! It just keeps getting better. 

But, Solas must not think so. He gasps for air when our skin connects and looks at me in horror? Mortification? Whatever it is, it’s not good. 

“I can’t...this…” He takes a deep breath and uses his hands to hold my waist, keeping my body still. “Mae, forgive me I...I can’t this is too much. I just you are unique and I never thought….” His panting is not helping his lust fogged mind clear at all. “I want to wait to be more intimate.” 

“Oh.” I am so embarrassed, “I’m sorry...I just thought that…” I can’t get off of him fast enough. “Sorry.” I stand and try to walk back into the kitchen. I’m not sure what I’ll do in there, but preferably it will involve disappearing. 

He sits up quickly and takes my hand, “It’s not that I don't want to. Gods, I want to. I just...I can’t...not now.” 

I nod, “Okay, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” I just wish he had told me earlier. 

My apartment is awkwardly silent while I stand and the sitting Solas holds my hand in his. Those grey eyes of his pleading for something, but for what I’m not sure. 

“I should go. I’ve imposed on your hospitality too long.” Solas says abruptly, eyes averted. 

Shock. I am completely in shock. He definitely wanted it...me! Wanted me! “Alright, I’ll go get your coat…” It is like I am in a daze as I get his jacket. 

He takes the coat and speedily puts it on, “Thank you for a wonderful evening. I hope that you’ll consider going out with me again sometime.” 

I furrow my brows, “I...um…”

Solas takes a steadying breath and cups my cheek with his shaking palm, “Mae, I am so sorry I wasn’t...that I’ve made you uncomfortable. I promised you some months ago that I would be a complete gentleman and I broke that trust.” 

“Solas, I was very complicit in that dry humping.” I say bluntly. 

He smiles fondly, “You deserve so much more than, as you say, a dry hump on a cramped couch.”

I roll my eyes and cross my arms, “Really, Solas?” 

Solas lowers his lips to mine and kisses me sweetly, but even that makes me a bit dizzy. “Really, Mae.” 

“Yeah, that’s not going to get you a free pass.” I grumble. 

He smirks, “Then, I shall think of some way to make it up to you.” The bravado falls away, “I am truly sorry that I’ve upset you, please just...think about it.” 

I bite at my lower lip and study him. There’s a sadness in his eyes that almost makes me feel bad.  _ Almost _ . “I’ll think about it.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!!! 
> 
> Sorry about the delay last week; sometimes work and family all decide to be crazy at once! You were all so sweet and sent me so much awesome love. Thank you for your support and patience!! 
> 
> I am still super behind on comments, so thank you for being patient while I work on getting back up to date. <3 <3 I so so so appreciate you all saying such awesome things and asking question and just generally being the best readers! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! 
> 
> Next Time: Mae chats with Fen'harel about her date
> 
> A thank you goes out to [deedy!](http://deedylovescake.tumblr.com/) for being my surprise editor! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at[TheGorillaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist).  
> 


	18. Recurrence

“It was humiliating,” I groan into Fen’hael’s lap.

As promised, after my date, I went to see him for the weekend. He welcomed me with sensual kisses and a glass of (red) wine. I am even starting to like the drink at this point. Bastard.

My lover could tell that I was upset and so we curled up on the couch in the study where he had been reading so that I could describe my date that had ended so poorly.  

Fen’harel runs gentle hands through my hair as I speak, helping me to relax from my mortified stupor. “I am sure he was no less affected, dear one.”

“He’s already something like ten years older than I am! He probably think’s I’m such a child.” I protest in a little whine.

His caresses stop for a moment, “Tone,” he warns.

“Yes, Fen’harel,” I sigh. “Why doesn’t he want me?”

Fen’harel tucks some hair behind my ear, “must he wish to take you to bed after a first date in order for you to think that he wants you?”

I turn my head and frown up at him. “No, but there I was throwing myself at him…er…well…straddling him and he pushed me away. He didn’t want me.”

He looks troubled, if thoughtful, “you have more value than that, little one. He _should_ want you for your entire being and not just your body. Perhaps he wishes to be full acquainted with your mind outside of the walls of your office.”

I huff out a skeptical laugh.

“Final warning,” he says sternly.

“Do you think maybe he is already married?”

“What?” Fen’harel blinks in surprise.

I start to ramble, “Maybe he has a secret family and so he doesn’t want to sleep with me. Or what if he was just looking for a beard because he’s actually not attracted to women at all!”

He shakes his head fondly, “Mae, really?”

“Oh! What if he’s impotent and _that’s_ why!” I clap as if I finally understand.

“I doubt that is the problem,” He answers, unamused, “you already said he was hardening beneath you.”

I crinkle my nose in annoyance, “having you talk about his…hardening…is strange.”

“Yes, I’d imagine so,” he keeps on in that flat, unamused way.

“He wants to see me again,” I add in a small voice.

Fen’harel goes back to stroking my hair, “and will you?”

I bite my lip nervously, “should I?”

“If you want to. He is a fool to deny my dear one so many times, but seems to earnestly feel for you,” he assesses calmly. “Regardless, it is good to have someone who befriended you, coming to know your mind before he knew those things which troubled you in the past. “

“Alright,” I nod, “I’ll talk to him on Monday.”

“My heart,” Fen’harel called gently, “do _you_ wish to see him again? Do not let me influence you in this.”

I nod again, “I do. I…I like him.”

“And I am glad for it. All I desire is for your complete happiness.” He leans down and kisses my nose.

I run my fingers along his jaw, “Before you no one ever actually wanted _me_. It’s…I still sometimes have a difficult time believing anyone could.”

He catches my hand and brings it to his lips, “then I will work harder to bring you that peace.”

I half smile, “you shouldn’t—“

“I promised to give you want you needed, to help you become yourself. I keep my promises.” He says with a quiet fierceness.   

“You always want me exactly as I am. The rest, I’ll learn eventually.” I pull him back down and kiss him sweetly, “I love you.”

He smiles against my lips and deepens our kiss, letting the action speak all of his feelings. Fen’harel carefully shifts so that I’m sitting on his lap and reclining slightly against the arm of the couch.

I wrap my arms around his neck and nip playfully at his lower lip.

Fen’harel carefully cradles the back of my head with one hand as the other makes its way down my chest, teasing on top of my clothes.

A gasp escapes my throat as his fingers brush against skin exposed by my slightly bunched up shirt.

He smirks, self-satisfied.

I’ll happily allow it.

Deftly, he unbuttons my pants and strokes along the edge of my hipbones.

My heavy breathing starts to turn into soft whines of anticipation while he hand starts to tease lower.

I lift up my hips for him to push down my bottom, but he won’t. When I try to get rid of the offending garment, he stops me.

“There is still evidence of our previous carelessness on your ankles,” he reminds me.

Shouldn’t have taken off my shoes.

Damnit.

I hadn’t even noticed him inspecting me.

I should have expected that, really.

“Fen’harel,” I protest, pressing myself against him.

He pulls my hair just enough that it stings, inciting my lust more, “it is meant to be a punishment and reminder for the both of us, my heart.”

It’s clear to me that despite his calm demeanor, he wants this at least as much as I do.

I rest my forehead against the curve of his neck and groan, “worst.”

Fen’harel moves his arms to cradle me and stands with me in his arms, “it is late dear one. Let us rest.”

He carries me to the bed and undresses me with the utmost care. His lips cover my entire body with kisses as all of my clothing is removed. My lover whispers beautiful words of praise against my skin.

We curl up together in his warm bed. The soft flannel sheets smell of him and bring me a sense of amazing ease.

My head rests above his heart while he holds me tightly against him.

“You deserve to be wanted exactly as you are too,” I murmur sleepily, tracing little shapes against his toned chest.

His breath stutters ever so slightly.

“You don’t believe me,” I assess, “you are the most perfect soul I’ve met. I don’t care what your face looks like…even though I’m sure you are impossibly handsome. If you change your mind…if you would rather that I am only yours…I would gladly do so.”

This time the breath catching in his throat was not subtle. He is silent for a moment, then speaks sternly, “I will not warn you again. You deserve someone who can give you everything, not just those things in the dark. That is the end of it, Mae.”

“Yes, Fen’harel,” I sigh and kiss his sternum.

We remain silent for the few moments before I drift off.

But as the world around me becomes foggy, he kisses my hair. “You are so loved,” he whispers like it is some forbidden secret.

It’s enough to know that he isn’t quite so cross with me as I surrender to sleep.

* * *

I awake to the sound of Fen’harel starting a shower.

The clock must be lying. It’s nearly 11.

How did I sleep so late?!

I grab one of his many black button ups from his armoire to wear for breakfast. It’s large enough on me that it looks like a mini dress. I roll up the sleeves and button it anyway.

It’ll do.

The kitchen is already set with a tray of pastry and fruits for us.

Mr. Blackwall is a saint.

Everything for coffee is sitting out, but not made yet. Old coffee is not an acceptable way to start the day…or at least it isn’t for someone who works in the most caffeine dependent job that there is.

Fen’harel has an amazing espresso maker that I’ve slowly been learning how to use. About half the time I don’t put the foaming nozzle into the milk correctly and make a mess, but it’s progress.

I sit at the breakfast bar and practically snuggle my coffee.

The warm mug feels comforting and familiar. It has always given me a particular kind of peace to have a hot, caffeinated, beverage in my hands.

The door to the kitchen opened a few minutes later and a half dressed Fen’harel walked in.

His eyes traced my body and smiled smugly, “I was wondering where that went.”

“I thought you might like it,” I shrugged casually, hiding my own smirk in my mug.

Those beautiful blue eyes focus in on my mug.

“Ah, I had been meaning to mention that,” he gestures to the coffee, “you will limit your intake.”

I arch one of my brows in challenge, “you can pry this coffee from my cold, dead, hands.”

“You need actual rest, not some chemical substitute. Shall I restrict your curfew as well? 9 o’clock on week nights and 11 on weekends?” He retorts, unfazed by my attempt at a threat.

“How much of a limit on the coffee?” I grumble into the cup. I know I’ve lost this one already. I agreed to follow his rules…it doesn’t stop me from arguing.

He pours himself a glass of juice from the fridge, “all caffeine. Only 8 ounces per day.”

“ _All caffeine_?!” I squeak, “but I like coffee _and_ tea!”

“You may divide up the 8 ounces however you wish, but you will not exceed it.” He sits down at the kitchen counter with me and kisses my cheek, “watch your tone, little one. I’ve already warned you once in the last day.”

I melt a little at his touch, “yes, Fen’harel. “

“Your health is of great importance,” he restates for what must be the thousandth time, “what you need, Mae, not what you want.”

“Yes, Fen’harel.”

We spend the rest of the weekend enjoying one another’s company. Sex would be off the table until the very last little bits of bruise disappear and that wouldn’t happen overnight….no matter how hard I willed it to be so.

He absolutely forbids me from working. “This is still a time to relax and be unhampered by the chores of the world,” he reasons as he takes away the article I was going to review.

Instead, he takes me into the living room and puts on a documentary about Pre-Arlathian finds in Thedas. I can’t help but chime in when the professionals are talking, some of which I had worked with during my studies.

Fen’harel smiles broadly when I lose myself in the excitement of sharing my knowledge with him. It lights something nearly boyish in his eyes; he kisses me as the program ends. And thus, the afternoon was lost. Just because there was no sex didn’t mean there couldn’t be making out, tender touches and exploration of a more chaste variety.

* * *

Monday morning, armed with a measly 8 ounces of coffee, I sit on a bench along the path we walk from the parking lot.

Honestly, it’s rather silly. It’s slightly snowing and cold outside. My hands are clasped around a to-go mug and I wait.

Fen’harel was right. I should give Solas another chance. I mean…Fen’harel never _said_ that, but he is right that Solas is a good man.

The tips of my fingers are numbing by the time I can see him coming down the path.

 “Mae? His brow furrows.

“Hi,” I blush.

He tilts his head in question, “is something the matter?”

“No…I….I just wanted to catch you before we started the day,” I stand and brush off some snow from my bag.

A large puff of white air billows from my nose as I exhale sharply, “I’m sorry—“

He holds up a hand to stop me, “I should apologize. It has been longer than I care to admit since I was with someone. I was abrupt and communicated poorly.”

I move to be within arm’s reach of him. It’s close enough that we are somewhat intimately speaking, but he can back away if he wants to.

“I have a difficult time trusting that someone might actually have interest in _me_ ,” I sigh, staring at the ground to avoid whatever look might be on his face. Probably pity.

“And I pulled away,” he sounds sad, “I never—“

A gloved hand gently tilts my head up so that he can look at me…pity isn’t waiting for me. Adoration or something like it colors his gaze. “You are stunning in every way. Never could I have thought someone so bright, so young, so beautiful would grant me a second look. You are exceptional. I want to respect you. I fear that, if I move too quickly, I will make a mess of all this.”

The edge of sadness formed into something sweetly earnest, “You, Maellana, are an angel to be savored. I may take some time to remember my way in a romance. In the meantime, will you allow an old man to court you?”

He disarms me so easily. He makes me feel safe. Solas is nervous and embarrassed just like I am. Fen’harel would approve.

I smile wryly, “you aren’t _that_ old.”

The sides of his eyes crinkle as his smile spreads, “ah, so you do admit that I am at least a little old.”

“A little. Cullen was seven years my elder. What’s another few years on top of that?” I tease.

He kisses my forehead, “thank you, Mae. In trying to conduct myself with propriety, I failed miserably. I will endeavor to earn your admiration.”

“Well, it’s too late for that. I already admire you greatly,” I nuzzle against his hand that had come to rest against my cheek.

“Then my original work is done and I will continue to be worthy of your good opinion.” He brushes a thumb along my cheekbone, “May I kiss you?”

I can feel my cheeks turning pink, “I’d like that.”

His lips brush against mine with tender care, sealing the apology. It is not lustful, but it’s more than chaste.

“Come, let us go inside. You must be freezing,” Solas kisses my hand. “How long were you waiting out here?”

“You might be cross with me if I told you. Suffice it to say, it was long enough.” I answer roundaboutly.

He hums in understanding…disapproving understanding…

We walk to work hand in hand; something about it makes me nearly dizzy with happiness.

As soon as we open the door to our hall a peal of juvenile laughter floods my ears.

“Arseface,” Sera chuckles.

Solas heaves a sigh.

“Sera?” I call as I step into the hall.

In front of my door stands an Inquisition scout at attention….and across from him is Sera. She’s flinging rubber bands at him. The popcorn adorning his head makes me think this is phase two of her assault.

“Morning, Quizzy! He came in lookin’ for ya. Wouldn’t tell me why. Rude, yeah?” Sera shrugged, shooting another rubber band at his arm. “Tried to shoo ‘em away before you got here.”

I give her a grateful smile, “thank you, Sera. I’ll take it from here.”

Automatically my posture straightens, “At ease, Scout. What brings you here Scout…?”

“Jim, my lady Herald. You would not answer any of your post. Lady Nightingale decided it would be best if you were seen receiving this one.” He looked me up and down. For some unknown reason, Jim did not look impressed.

Oh well.

“Thank you, Scout Jim.” I hold out my hand.

He doesn’t give me the letter.

I hold my hands together behind my back in a sort of parade rest and school my face into unamused impassivity. “Continue with your duty.”

“Lady Mae Trevelyan, former Herald of the Inquisition, you are cordially invited to the impending nuptials of Lady _Cassandra_  Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena Pentaghast and Commander Cullen Stanton Rutherford.” Jim says the last part with a loathsome glee.

“I—I’m what? I cover my hand with my mouth to try to recover from the shock.

Jim gloats, handing the letter to Sera, “Lady Nightingale _highly_ suggests that you attend. A passing of the baton as it were.”

Solas presses a hand to my lower back as a show of support.

“Your duty has been performed. Please thank my former advisers for the invitation. I look forward to seeing them all again,” I say in a voice that does not quite sound like my own.

Jim nods once, “Lady Herald.” He turns on his heel and exits the hall.

“Mae?” Solas moves closer to me.

This is insane. He’s marrying her. Cullen is _marrying_ Cassandra. Already. It’s only been a few months. We were still engaged less than a year ago. We…we are not anything. This only makes me more resolute in the understanding that he was being manipulated the whole time I knew him. Apparently it was easy to do!

Oh. Good. A wedding.

….I don’t have anything to wear. Zevran will _love_ that.

I start to laugh hysterically.

Solas frowns down at me.

“You—“ I cackle, “How would you like to go to a wedding with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Beautiful People!!! I'm back (finally)!!! Thank you so much for being so patient and kind and awesome while I was away. I really cannot describe how amazing it was to have your support and encouragement over the last few months. I plan on going to updating every other week (that might change once my final thesis is submitted)  
> I successfully passed my Master's defense and my finalized paper is due in July. I was also officially accepted to start my PhD in the fall and have been setting up pilot data for my dissertation. And I was teaching half time. So, needless to say, I was a huge mess for the semester.  
> I am SO HAPPY to be posting a chapter for you and getting to interact again. I missed you lots and hope that you enjoy reading! 
> 
> Next Time: A Wedding.
> 
> Thank you to Mr. GorillaInTheMist for being a last minute beta. 
> 
> And, you can still find me on Tumblr at [GorilllaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist)


	19. Sassy*

I sit at my desk and try to look calm....try to look like I’m not screaming inside. It’s a thing I used to have perfected. 

_ Cassandra _ . 

I had always suspected. Her and Cullen were so close; close enough that it made me uncomfortable. She wasn’t even officially one of my advisers, but I had to do what she wanted. Cullen believed her every word. Well, he believed anything any of them would say. 

Fuck.

My fingers run along the embossed invitation again. 

Two weeks.

I have two weeks to prepare.

They  _ must  _ have sent out invitations earlier. Why didn’t….did I throw it away? Was an I after thought? 

Honestly, I hope that the second is true. I hope they have deliberately forgotten about me and that this is just some calculated new political play and that it’s not meant to only be a jibe at me. 

“Mae?” 

Solas’ voice breaks me out of my spiral. 

Had he been here the whole time?

I’m starting to lose my grasp on the game. I haven’t had to play since I left...I hadn’t needed to. 

I need to practice...to be more mindful. 

Can’t break. 

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry. My mind seems to have wandered,” I answer with a polite smile.

Yes. Good. Like that. 

His brow furrows and he studies my face, “for good reason. Can I get you anything? Have you eaten?” 

“I am well, thank you.” I nod gently. 

No. Not with him. I don’t want to be this person anymore. 

“I…” I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair. “I’m not sure if anything can make this less of a shock. I had expected them to need me again for something at some point, but not so soon...and definitely not for this.”

I never  _ really  _ thought they’d leave me alone. 

“Have you eaten today?” he asks again. It’s sterner this time.

I shake my head, “no, I had meant to grab a snack when I got to the office, but I was....interrupted.”

His brow arches, “a snack is not breakfast, Mae.” 

“Oh boo.” I crinkle my nose in annoyance. Who does he think he is to be monitoring my eating at a time like this.

Something like a warning flashes through his grey eyes. It sends tingles along my skin. 

Odd.

“What I  _ want  _ is more coffee and a muffin. I am not nearly caffeinated enough for all of this.”

He drums his fingers on my desk in front of me, “you should not be so dependant on it.”

“It’s a little late for that.” I roll my eyes and go to stand. I’m getting the damn coffee and pastry. Fen’harel will just have to understand. Or I’ll end up with a red rear. Either scenario is preferable to having today be the beginning of my new rule. 

Solas crosses his arms and watches me reach for my bag. 

“I’m running to the cafe. I’ll be right back,” I assure him. Strange man.

“You are determined?”

“Yes….” I say slowly. 

He runs a hand over his bald head, “fine. I’ll accompany you. Who knows if that scout, or whatever he is, actually left.”

“Thank you,” I whisper with a sincere gratitude. 

The lines of his body soften as he helps me into my coat, the gentleman that he is.  My cell phone rings. 

I slide my thumb across it deftly and answer with swift ease, “Trevelyan.”

My feet trip over one another. What did I just say?

A man on the other line laughs, it’s good natured but has a tinge of nervousness to it, “I assume that means you received your invitation from the inauspicious Inquisition?” 

Alistair.

“Yes, I was accosted as soon as I walked into my office this morning,” I grumble. 

The rolling of his eyes is practically audible, “wonderful way to start the day, a sneak attack.”

I look over at Solas and mouth  _ sorry. Alistair _ . 

His eyes widen just slightly in surprise, but he nods and leans back against my desk to give me some room to speak. 

“I’ll be flying out from Denerim on Thursday morning. We could come by Lothering and pick you up. You really shouldn’t have to do this alone. Besides, I did tell them I’d be looking after you,” Alistair continues.

I smile, “you really shouldn't have made that promise. I’m quite a handful.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“Would you have room for a friend...if I brought one?” I ask shyly. 

I can hear Alistair’s hand slap down on a table in amusement, “ha! Of course! Who?! Mae, I need to know. I mean, yes, he is welcome. Or she! I don’t judge. Maaaae!!!”

“Alistair!” I try to scold, but am laughing too hard, “he hasn’t even told me if he can come yet. He needs to check his calendar.” I lower my voice in a slight attempt to be polite to Solas, “besides, you already met him at the conference ball.”

“The bald one?”

“Yes. He’s distinguished.” 

“Uh huh.” Alistair sounds slightly distracted, like he might be writing.

“Ali, what  _ are  _ you doing?” I chide.

His attention saps back, “me? I don’t do anything. Ever. Haven’t you heard?” 

“Your poor little ears would fall off if you’d heard everything I have,” I tease.

“They’re not little,” Alistair mumbles, “nothing about me is little.”

“Ali!” I choke/laugh. 

He chuckles, “oh sorry, you said you were at work? What inappropriate language for the academy, Dr. Lavellan. I’m shocked.”

“You are so lucky that I like you,” I sigh and lean against the wall, shaking my head fondly. 

“I’m pleased to hear it!” Alistair’s smile is clear in my mind, “So, I’ll have you sent more detailed itinerary of the weekend and our travel. You’ll attend all of the diplomatic events with me, but I’m not sure your date will be allowed.”

I sigh, “alright. I haven’t even looked at the weekend lineup yet. Ugh. I need to go shopping.” I let out a long breath, “Thank you for checking in on me.”

“It’s my pleasure. Take care of yourself and feel free to call if you need anything. I’ll see you in two weeks.”

“Bye, Ali.”

“Until then.”

Click. 

“Sorry,” I apologize to Solas again. 

“King Theirin?” Solas asks quietly.

I wave a hand in dismissal, “just Alistair...but yes...that Alistair. He was offering to fly me privately to the wedding…” I look hopefully at him, “and you..well...if you want to come with me….I mean I understand if you’re busy or if...” or if he doesn’t want to...  

Solas pulls out his phone and scrolls around in what I assume is his calendar. 

He frowns, “I’m sorry. It appears I’m already booked to present at a conference in Nevarra that weekend.” 

“Oh.” I try...and fail...to keep my tone light. 

“I  _ am  _ sorry, Mae. If I could change things around...maybe if I make a few calls,” he looks up, apologetically. 

I cover my eyes with one of my hands, “no, I...it’s alright. There’s no need to disrupt a speaking engagement or your own professional development. Really, I’ll be okay. Alistair will be there, and I’m sure Bull and Dorian too.” 

Solas takes my hands in his. I hadn’t even heard him walk across my office…

“I will do whatever I can to be there, but I cannot make any promises.” His eyes plead for understanding. 

I half smile, “I believe you. Besides, I’ve been through worse. Don’t worry too much.” 

“For some unimaginable reason, that does not bring me much comfort,” he scoffs.

“Oh, so it’s you that we are comforting?” I tease back.

He pulls my knuckles to his lips. 

I’m stuck where I stand. His eyes locked on mine, glistening with unsaid emotion, while he kisses my hand like a courtly lord. And, for a moment, the stress of the morning melts away. 

The corners of his mouth lift, “come, let us find you something to eat.” 

* * *

Solas was slightly annoyed with my choice of giant latte, but oh well! He doesn't have to drink it. 

I sit at my desk and decide to take a break from reviewing the article that Dorian had thrown at me. It honestly seemed like he was trying to help me keep my mind occupied and away from my Inquisition spiraling. It was an amazingly intricate analysis of a recently mapped out archaeological site in Tevinter. He might have even already read it. 

Well, I guess I should email Fen’harel….I’ll be missing a weekend. 

Any time I have to spend away from him makes my heart hurt.

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net. _

_ Subject: Sorry _

_ Apparently, I’m going to a wedding next weekend. It’s out of town so, I won’t be able to see you. _

_ \- Mae _

 

He responds quickly. 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.org _

_ Subject: Vague _

_ If you think you are going to be allowed to keep the entirety of the situation away from me you would be wrong. Explain.  _

_ \- The Dread Wolf _

 

Yeah, I should have realized that the minimal message would be unacceptable to him. Why does he have to be such a pain!? 

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net. _

_ Subject: Explicit Detail _

_ Commander Cullen Stanton Rutherford, my former lover and finance, is being wed to Cassandra Pentaghast, an unofficial adviser of the Inquisitor. I was their Herald, if you recall. Despite my resigning of my position, I am being (more or less) required to attend the nuptials and , presumably, pass on my title to Cullen. I was accosted by a scout this morning on my way into work with my invitation; his name is Jim, if you were wondering. Oh and Sera threw popcorn and rubberbands at him.  Alistair called and will be flying me to Skyhold as well as will be my date because Solas can’t come.     _

_ \- Mae _

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.org _

_ Subject: Sass  _

_ Your tone displeases me. Clearly, I have not done a proper job enforcing the rules if you find this behavior acceptable. You are permitted the weekend away despite the fact that you did not ask for permission.  _

_ In order to make up for losing a week of renewed training, you will come to me three nights this week as well as your usual weekend.   _

_ Blackwall will pick you up from work.  _

_ See you this evening.  _

_ \- The Dread Wolf _

 

Shit. 

This is what I get for being a brat. 

He  _ has  _ to know I’m upset. This is ridiculous. All I want is for him to just say fine and leave it alone. 

Another email notification. 

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.org _

_ Subject: What you need. _

_ What do you say when I give you direction, little one? I have half a mind to come to your office right now and make your supple little ass so sore you will not be able to sit for the remainder of the week.  _

_ \- The Dread Wolf _

 

I groan and rub at my face. 

I can’t stop my sass right now. 

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net. _

_ Subject: Thank you, Fen’harel _

_ Yes, Fen’harel. I’ll see you tonight, Fen’harel.     _

_ \- Mae _

 

He responds immediately. What does he do for a living that he can just be at his email like this? 

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.org _

_ Subject: Paddles or Flails? _

_ Oh, my dear one, I look forward to it.  _

_ \- The Dread Wolf _

* * *

Mr. Blackwall knocks on my door promptly at 5pm. 

“Good evening, Miss Mae,” he nods. 

“Just a moment,” I gesture to one of the chairs in my office, “I’ll pack up and then we can go.”

A small knock on the doorframe, “Mae?”

Solas.

“Oh! I...I um...have to go.” I stammer, completely at a loss for how to explain this. 

Blackwall frowns at Solas. I’ve never seen him look so annoyed. 

Solas pointedly ignores the large man, “alright...I just wanted to say good night before I headed home. Seeing that friend of yours?” 

“I...yes. It’s...yes. We have dinner plans,” I can feel myself turning bright pink.  I give him a quick kiss on the cheek, “I’ll explain later?”

He brushes some hair back behind my ear, “I am not one to pry; I trust your judgement. See you tomorrow, Mae.”

I nod and watch him walk down the hall. 

I like him so much. 

Blackwall clears his throat.

“Sorry!” I gasp and grab for my coat.

He’s already holding it out for me, “that’s your crush from work?” 

“Yes….that was Solas. He’s very nice and Fen’harel has already approved.” I nod and sling my bag over my shoulder.

“I’d imagine he has,” Mr. Blackwall grumbles. 

My brow furrows, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing. Not my place,” he shrugs and holds the door open for me, “might I ask why you are meeting with the Dread Wolf this evening? You just saw him yesterday.”

I groan and pull at the ends of my hair, “I misbehaved bad enough that he wants to see me immediately.”

Blackwall whistles in some sort of commiseration. 

I guess that means it’s going to be bad….

* * *

When I get to my room in the apartments there is a note on the dresser:

 

_ Undress. Put on the blindfold. Sit on the bed. _

_ \--Fen’harel _

 

I take a deep breath and quickly take off my clothes. The blindfold is sitting next to the note. It is black and silky with an elastic band around the back. I’m surprised by how well it blocks out light….he usually ties something around my eyes if he is going to blindfold me. Finally, I sit on the bed with my legs over the side, and resting my hands in my lap. 

I wait.

There’s nothing. Not a sound. 

What is he going to do to me?

Knowing him this could be the entirety of the punishment: sitting ignored in a room by myself all night.

I’m driving myself to lust with all the ideas of what other delicious things he could decide to do to me. 

Something like a half hour passes before the door opens. 

“Good girl,” Fen’harel praises. “If only you could  _ consistently  _ follow our rules.”

I open my mouth to speak.

“No,” he stops me, “you will not speak unless given permission. You have done quite enough of that for the day.” Something leather slides along my thigh. “What is your safeword, my heart?”

I sigh in relief. I’m still his heart. “Calculus, Fen’harel.” 

His fingertips brush along my jaw, “do you consent?” 

The touch makes my body tingle, “yes, Fen’harel.” 

“I am glad,” he purrs, kissing me gently. “I’ve done you a disservice in letting your discipline wane. It will be remedied.”

A sharp slap hits the top of my thigh. A riding crop, I think? Whatever it is, I gasp and jump. 

One of his hands is quickly on my shoulder, holding me in my seated position. 

“What have you done wrong, little one? Why do you need to be punished?” He asks.

I frown. 

It earns me another slap of the crop.

“You were asked a question,” Fen’harel demands.

“I was disrespectful and sassy. I withheld information that you should have been privy to. I had to be reminded by someone to eat breakfast. I drank more than my allotment of coffee,” I list. After each grievance, some part of my legs gets a stinging thwack. 

Fen’harel hums in approval, “thank you for telling me the entirety of your transgressions. I will remember your willingness.” He pushes apart my knees with one of his legs and stands between my thighs, “but it will not save you from this.”  

At the same time, one of his fingers slides along my slit and the crop hits against my waist. I gasp and moan at the combination of pleasure and pain. 

“You are so ready for me,” he slides his finger inside of me and then adds another, stretching me. “Alas, you misbehaved and will not be allowed what you crave.” 

I whimper in protest; what I crave is his cock in me.

The bed shifts as he climbs up beside me. He maneuvers me so that my wrists meet between my breasts, “I’m going to tie you like this. You will tell me if you feel any discomfort.” 

“Yes, Fen’harel.”

A soft rope wraps around my wrists then around my bent forearms and shoulders and around my back. I couldn’t struggle if I wanted to. It feels amazing. I am bound. I am his. I am safe. 

“Are you still alright?” he asks, placing sweet kisses along my throat. 

“Yes, Fen’harel,” I moan. 

His weight leaves the bed and I can hear him go grab something from the table. 

“You will not cum,” he warns me. 

I tilt my head back in exasperation and sigh. 

His hand slaps the side of my thigh, “enough of that or you’ll be gagged as well.”

Fen’harel goes back to fingering me until he abruptly stops the building pleasure.

Something slightly cold slides into me...plastic...dildo? 

“Bend over the bed,” he orders smoothly.

I clumsily obey, flipping around so that my feet are on the floor and my tied upper body is fully on the bed.

Once I am situated, “Good girl,” he praises and clicks something. The pseudophallus inside of me starts to vibrate. It’s not strong enough to bring me to climax, but it is enough to make me lust for more. 

He brushes his palm against my presented behind, “you will be too sore to sit when I am finished. Do not doubt that. But for now, I have other plans.” 

A warm liquid slides along my crack and he starts to tease at my hole with a plug. In a little. Back out. In more. Back out. I don’t need much time anymore for things like this. 

The plug seats deep in me, stretching, rubbing against the vibrator. 

Fen’harel twists the base, drawing a lewd moan from my lips. He rewards me with a self satisfied chuckle, “you look so good like this.” He hums again, “I know what would make it better. On your knees,” he directs me. 

My lover helps me from the bed to the ground. As my body moves it clenches around the toys in me, intensifying the pleasure. 

He crouches down in front of me and starts to squeeze my nipples. Pinching, gently twisting, making me cry out in ecstasy. As soon as he deems me acceptable, he tightens clamps around them. They have a little chain that dangles between them...at least they must...because Fen’harel pulls on it and chuckles when I moan. 

“Perfect,” he appraises, raising to his feet. “Now, I’m going to put that smart little mouth of yours to proper use.” 

I lick my lips wantonly, “yes, Fen’harel.” 

He is hard and perfect as he slides between my lips. I suck him greedily as he works himself further and further in. He knows just how much I enjoy this. 

Fen’harel’s fingers tangle in my hair, holding my head still, and he starts to truly fuck my mouth. 

I focus on breathing calmly so that he can do as he pleases without my gagging. I want to please him. It makes me  _ happy  _ to please him. I keep holding myself back from cumming. He doesn’t want me to. I will not. 

His pace picks up and his fingers start to tense, pulling perfectly on my hair. I moan around his length just as I can start to feel the beginnings of his release. 

The salty cum slides down my throat while he obscenely groans over me. 

“Such a good girl, my heart,” he pants. 

Once he catches his breath, Fen’harel carefully lays me back on the bed with my ass in the air. The clamps rub against the comforter and nearly make me cry with need. 

The paddles comes down without warning along my ass. I yelp. This  _ hurts _ . 

Again.

Thwack.

Yelp.

Little moan. 

Harder slap.

Yelp.

The vibrator intensity increases.

Hit.

Whimper-moan.

It continues until I am starting to tear up.

The pain. The sexual frustration. The feeling guilt for disobeying him. The stress of the day. All of it becomes too much. 

He stops and pulls off my bindings with a practiced speed. Fen’harel pulls me up onto the bed and into his lap, holding me close. He hushes me, “so good, my heart.” His fingers find my throbbing clit and start to circle it, “cum for me, my love.” 

I finally let go and scream out his name as my body pulses its climax for him. The world goes away and there is just this. Just him. Just pleasure. 

When I come back into my body, I’m sobbing against him.      

“Tell me what burdens you,” he requests kindly, kissing my hair.

“How could he do this to me?! He’s marrying Cassandra! We only just...he loved me.  _ Loved  _ me and...gone. And they’re making me go! I don’t know what happens if I don’t, but it’ll….they could hurt me or someone else. It’s not fair! Why can’t they just leave me alone?” I cry and cry. 

Fen’harel cradles me against him and strokes calming patterns against my skin, “I wish I could take this from your shoulders and onto mine. They are the worst kind of people and they misused you. You are no longer theirs. You are mine. You are your own. You are loved. You are safe. I will never let them have you again.” 

As sleep starts to claim me, I repeat his words in my head. I am my own. I am his. I am loved. I am safe. 

Fen’harel is nothing if not a man of his word.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy Party People!!! Happy Update Day! I hope you enjoy it! I decided Mae had gone far too long without a * in the chapter title. It made the chapter longer than usual, buuuuut I didn't feel like cutting anything out! 
> 
> PS: This has been only sort of beta-ed as both Mr. Rilla and I have awful summer colds. Please feel free to holler at me if there is some typo that is awful and our stuffy heads decided not to notice. 
> 
> Next Time: A Wedding. (For real this time)
> 
> And, you can still find me on Tumblr at [GorilllaInTheMist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist)


	20. Proposal

The days before had been spent with a great deal more Fen’harel than I normally had. The two weekends and three evenings during the week were fantastic; being with him in general is fantastic. He knows me in every way. It is easy and comfortable, but exciting and unpredictable. 

And now, Solas drives me to a small airport where the royal private jet will be stopping to pick me up. We are allowed to drive directly onto the tarmac and await Alistair. 

We’d had a lovely date the night the previous weekend: a symphony. He picked me up promptly at 7 pm with a knock on my door and a bouquet of flowers. It was intimate and innocent. Solas didn’t come in, instead kissing me sweetly at my door and thanking me for allowing us to try again. 

It was a good decision. He is a gentle, thoughtful, and there is something beneath his stormy eyes that makes my skin tingle. Part of me cannot wait to discover what that particular something is...eventually...  

“Are you warm enough?” Solas asks as he rubs his hands along my upper arms while we lean against the car. 

Spring is slow to arrive this year. 

I nod, but cuddle closer to him, letting his arms wrap comfortably around me. “Excited to present this weekend?” 

He kisses the top of my hair, “it will be much like any other conference, except this time it is preventing me from being in your company. Excited is not the correct word.” 

“I’m sure you will have a better time that I will,” I point out. 

“Finery. Decadent food. Vapid talk. Is that not your list of favorite things?” He scoffs.

I bat his chest playfully, “you mock me, but I used to be one of the most influential figures in all of Thedas…..okay, I’m not anymore, but there is a place for a pretty dress, cakes, and forced laughter.” 

“Ah, yes, Maellana Trevelyan, the cake wielding tyrant.” Solas continues to tease. 

I smirk and then tap the bridge of his nose in chastisement, “That is  _ Lady  _ Maellana Trevelyan,  _ benevolent  _ cake wielding tyrant, to you Dr. Revas.” I make light of it, but it hurts to discuss the way that people saw me during my time with the Inquisition...even if it is just a joke from someone close to me.

“My mistake,” he takes my hand in his and kisses my knuckles like a gentleman, “forgive my errors.” The way that he looks at me, it’s as if he can see the masked pain in my soul...like he is not just apologizing for the lack of my entire title, but for the hurt as well. 

“Only because you are so warm,” I laugh and burrow back tightly against his chest. 

A chuckle vibrates his chest below my cheek and he kisses the top of my head again. 

We stand mostly quiet, cuddled up against one another until the sound of an approaching engine becomes clear.

The landing plane signals the end of our little cuddle time. 

“Mae...If you...I…” Solas shakes his head, seemingly in bemusement at himself and kisses my forehead, “If things go poorly, all you have to do is call and I’ll be on the next flight.” 

I smile up at him gratefully, “thank you, Solas. I’m sure I’ll be fine. Alistair will be there. Dorian is even in the same hotel we are. Don’t ruin your weekend worrying about me.” 

He brushes his fingers along my hair, “it is a joy to have you in my thoughts. I will be….justifiably concerned...about the circumstances you have been placed into. You shouldn’t--”

“But I am.” I interrupt gently, “whether or not I  _ want  _ to be a part of this, I am. And I promise that I’ll be alright and home on Monday.” The last thing I need is to be worrying about is how much he is worrying while I’m gone.   

Solas nods, “you are right.”

A man in a perfectly crisp suit jogs over from the plane with Alistair behind him. 

“Dr. Lavellan,” the man nods, “I can take care of your luggage.” 

“Oh thank you,” I grin and start to go grab it from the trunk. 

“Allow me,” Solas goes and grabs my larger than necessary suitcase from his car and hands it to the man. 

Alistair beams at me, “Good morning, Mae.” 

“Morning, Alistair! You look rather...common; I like it.” He’s in jeans and a lightly knit, navy sweater. Travel isn’t a time for regalia. Most of our interactions involved us being dressed formally. It’s nice to see him looking like a person and not a figurehead. 

“Very casual yourself,” he laughs and gathers me into a bear hug. I’m in jeans, brown flats, a plain white shirt, and a flowy light pink cardigan. 

Solas stands behind me with his hands folded in front of himself. 

“Dr. Revas, good to see you again,” Alistair greets Solas as he sets me back on my feet. He is genuine in his greeting.

Solas seems taken aback, if only for a moment. He nods his head in a deferential bow, “thank you, your Majesty.” 

Alistair makes a sound somewhere between a scoff and blowing a raspberry, “just Alistair. The Majesty’s and Highness’s become awfully droll after a while.” He holds out a hand to shake Solas’, “besides anyone who has won Mae’s good opinion is certainly worthy of mine.”

“She is a good judge of character,” Solas agrees, shaking hands with the king. 

They share a moment of silent...appreciation? Understanding? Kind challenge?

Uncomfortable. 

“Yes, I am wonderful, aren’t I?” I roll my eyes. 

“My Liege, we should be going,” the forgotten suited man interrupts.  

I hug Solas again, “be good at your conference. Who knows what ruckus you’ll cause without any of the rest of us there.” 

He lifts my lips to his with a gentle hand and offers a tender kiss, “You’d be surprised at the sort of trouble I make for myself.” 

“Mhm,” I hum and kiss his cheek, “I’m sure you’re the most sly trickster there is.” 

His eyes shift and his body tenses ever so slightly, “I--” And then everything goes right back to normal, “I will be thinking of you. Once again, let me know if you need me.”

I bite at my lip, confused, but nod. “Thank you.” 

“Shall we, my lady?” Alistair bows dramatically to me, holding his hand in the air for me to deposit mine. 

Silly man. I can’t help but laugh again. “But of course, my king.” I glide over and allow him to escort me with overly done courtly airs. 

I turn back to see Solas standing against his car, studying us, and I wave.

He half smiles and returns a small wave. 

The plane is, of course, unfathomably luxurious. Well, I used to have one like this….the Inquisition did. It was always something that astounded me. 

Two large comfy chairs are set up next to each other; honestly the two of us could fit into one of them. 

Alistair gestures for me to seat myself, “want anything to drink? Wine? Water? Fizzy things?” 

“Fizzy things?” I tease, “what sort of fizzy things?”

“Every kind, my friend!” He scoffs in false offense at my questioning his drink selection. 

I bite at my lip. 

Gods, I hate flying. 

“Maybe something ginger and fizzy?” I request.

He frowns, “feeling unwell?”

“Not yet,” I laugh uncomfortably. 

Alistair nods in understanding and walks to the back of the small jet, returning momentarily with a small iced glass filled with a light beige drink. “If you start becoming uncomfortable, please let me know. I can have the pilot navigate to avoid rough air or anything of the like.” 

I smile gratefully. 

The fact that his security retinue sit at the back of the plane and not attending the king reminds me how much I enjoy his personality in general. He was not raised to be royalty; having people serve him makes him uneasy. So, he just does things himself and everyone got used to it. 

The small planes take off more easily than the large ones, but don’t actually make me feel any better. My fingers are digging into the plush leather as we move through the air.

Ali looks over at me over his bourbon, his flight beverage of choice, “if it helps, in the worst possible case scenario, there are parachutes in the back and I was well trained in paratrooping during my time in the military.”

“You’re an ass,” I groan through clenched teeth. 

Alistair laughs brightly and pats my hand, “we are already almost there. I can sing you a little diddy until we arrive. My singing prowess will distract you from reality.” 

I open my eyes and glare over at him, “you care barely carry a tune, let alone a diddy.” 

“Precisely!” 

He burst into some bawdy medley that can only be described as some combination of drinking songs. 

It is awful and wonderful at the same time. 

For a little bit, I forget my terror and laugh at how absolutely shameless Alistair is. 

* * *

Most of the honored guests who are attending the wedding are all put up in the nicest hotel right beside Skyhold. Alistair had been offered a suite inside of the castle, but he politely refused citing his desire to draw as little attention to himself as possible. It was the wedding of the Lion of Ferelden and not the king. 

I think he was just trying to help keep me away from them as much as possible. 

Our rooms connect to one another through a large sitting room. We also have our own bathrooms and closets and whatever else we need. 

Zevran made it so that I did _really_ need a closet. So many dresses. My darling friend said he would be working and unable to be my backup plus one. 

We arrive just after the welcoming dinner had begun...allowing us to miss it. I am thankful for Alistair’s thoughtful planning yet again. 

“I will order us dinner up here, unless you have other plans,” Ali yells from his room across the way as I’m unpacking. 

I pop my head out the door to holler back, “I am just so heartbroken over missing the state dinner, I may not be able to eat!” 

Alistair’s smirking face peeks out from the doorframe, “too heartbroken for some Antivan fare?” 

“Never!” I answer dramatically. The spicy, rich Antivan food is my favorite. So different and flavorful from the Ferelden traditions. “Oh! But I demand some sweet cakes too.” 

“Forgetting the sweet cakes?! Perish the thought,” Ali gasped and popped back into his room. 

I take a moment to pause and email Fen’harel. 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net. _

_ Subject: Safe _

_ We made it. Flight was filled with awful singing from Alistair, which was a sort of distraction. Missing the welcoming dinner in favor of being anywhere but there... also Antivan food. I wish you were here.  _

_ \- Mae _

 

After I finish the last of my unpacking I see my phone blinking. 

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.org _

_ Subject: Thoughtful _

_ It is good to know he lacks in some area, especially if it entertained you. I am glad you have arrived safely, but not glad that you are there. I would much rather you were home with me and away from those people. Perhaps I should come steal you away.  _

_ \- The Dread Wolf _

 

I scoff at the message.

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net. _

_ Subject: Tease _

_ Well, the reception is a masquerade, oh hidden one.  I have to make a public presentation of my blessing at it, so the masks do little for my anonymity.  _

_ \- Mae _

 

“Mae, food will be here soon,” Alistair calls from the sitting room. 

I pocket my phone and go out to meet him. 

There are already two glasses of some mixed drink on the table. “I put together something while I was waiting.”

My head tilts to the side as I look at the shockingly frilly beverages. He was drinking bourbon on the plane…. “They’re...pink.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” he shrugs and takes a drink of his.The glass doesn’t hide his little smile. 

We are already both one drink down when the food arrives. 

It is everything I wanted from dinner. There just aren’t fantastic Antivan places around Lothering. Zevran and I complain about it most times we are ordering takeout. This, however, is fantastic. 

The cakes are wonderfully sweet, complementing whatever number drink I’m on. Sharing gossip and updates of our time since the conference as well as those who we interacted with during my time in the Inquisition is a joy. Having someone who understands completely what it’s like to be forced to the top of things makes me feel accepted in a way that is unique. It’s not as if my friends or Solas or Fen’harel judge me for it or don’t accept me or anything, but Alistair gets it. So much can be left unsaid, but implied, and it’s just….it’s nice. 

We are both curled up on the couch in front of the fire with our legs crossed, looking at one another....and at least a little tipsy. Not super drunk or anything, but not sober. Light. 

He reaches out and taps my foot gently, as his face turns contemplative, “it could be like this.”

I hum in confusion, “what could be?” 

“If you agreed to my proposal,” he said shyly averting his eyes, “we could have separate rooms and just spend time together as friends when we wanted. You’d be safe and...you understand me and you’re lovely to be around. We could keep separate lovers. I mean, I certainly wouldn’t mind if…” he shakes his head, “You’d never have to do anything you didn’t want to.” 

My jaw drops and I blink a few times to clear my head. He...oh this is still a thing. He’s serious. “Ali, really? Me?” 

He looks up and speaks with an almost boyish earnestness, “of course. You know how the game works and you play well. You’d make a wonderful queen not because of what they made you as the Herald, but because of who you are. We are friends, which is more than most in my position can hope for. All of the suggested matches so far are extremely undesirable” A goofy smile grows, “besides, you must know I’ve had something of a schoolyard crush on you since I saw you with that Mabari when I visited Skyhold for the second time.” 

“Ah, it always comes back to the dogs with Fereldens,” I deflect. 

“Honestly, I didn’t like you much at first,” he continues...and that’s when I decide he might be more drunk than I am. “You were too young and so formal. Seemed like all the others,” his nose crinkles, “like an Orlesian. Like you’d never had an independant thought in your life.” His grin turns sheepish, “But when my retinue had that puppy with us, you nearly squealed and ran down the stairs to greet it. And then, during a late night snack run, I passed by a small library and saw something shocking through the cracked door.”

I groan and rub my face. 

“Ah yes, the demure Herald was asleep on the floor with a book, a blanket, and a puppy that  _ should  _ have been asleep outside in the kennels.” He laughs and takes another drink. 

“It was cold and he was so small!” I protest, “And do you know how much trouble I got into for that day?! Leliana was terribly cross. Josephine made me take another round of etiquette lessons.” I think Cullen actually thought it was cute, but we were infatuated at the time, so there was little wrong I could do. 

Alistair grins, “see, it would be ideal. You could have as many Mabari as you wished. There’s a wonderful Antivan place in Denerim. Or we could hire an Antivan chef just for the palace.” 

My lips form into a line. 

What do I even say to this?!

“I-- Ali, don’t you want more than this? More than a queen that you find companionable, but who had a lover that she was dedicated to that  _ wasn’t  _ you. More than...Have you tried contacting  _ her _ ? Maybe she has forgiven you. You’re the king now, can’t you have whatever you want?!” 

He looks at the bottom of his empty glass, “yes and no. Yes, I can mostly have whatever I want. No, I haven’t tried....she’s married now, happy. Kids. All of it.” 

I frown and cross my arms, “who is better than King Alistair Theirin?!” 

“For her? Almost anyone,” he mumbles and rubs a hand through his hair. “His name is Nathaniel and he took up the spot in the mixed company once I vacated to become king. She...Eamon told me I would need to stay available for potential matches...allies...and I believed him. It took me far too long to stop believing him...anyway, I told her she could be my mistress….it did not go well.” 

“Oh, Alistair,” I pat his knee, “you were young! You had no idea.”

He shrugs, “it doesn’t change what happened, but now I know better. I  _ am  _ better. Mae I was serious... _ am  _ serious about this. I want you to think about it, truly. The Inquisition would never be able to touch you again. You could still work in the Circle. You could pick whatever projects you wanted to lead. We’d...it would work.” 

I twist my hair around my hand and pull, just to check if this is reality. 

It is. 

What...I….I mean he’s right. He’d protect me entirely. No one could come after me. He understands what it’s like. He’s handsome, kind, astonishingly normal. I could still...would Solas accept being the queen’s paramour? Would Fen’harel? I don’t want to be the leader anymore….but I wouldn’t be...he would be...I could just do whatever I wanted… 

“I...I want to try to figure this out on my own for a bit,” I answer slowly, “I’m seeing someone who I adore and I...it could be something. It could be  _ more _ . I want to see if it is. I want to see if this can work with someone who hasn’t had to do what we have.  _ You  _ should want more too, Ali.”

Alistair nods, but I can tell he is saddened by my words.

I hold up a hand.

“I wasn’t done.”

“Oh?” 

My heart skips a beat and I hope this isn’t a mistake. “If it doesn’t work. If this cannot be more for whatever reason, and you do not find something...then yes....then I’ll accept. But I need to give it a chance first...and you should too.” 

I need to give myself a chance first. 

The fire dances in his amber eyes, “you can take all of the chances you’d like, Mae. There is no time expiration on this. Well, unless I marry someone else, then it’s a little late, but other than that. No need to rush into anything or call ultimatums for anyone. Just...I wanted to explain myself more fully than I had. You needed to know that I meant it and that I hold you in extremely high esteem.” He exhales sharply like he has just re-landed inside of his own body and realized what he had been saying, “I hope that I haven’t ruined us. This one of the more cherished friendships I have had.”

“We’re fine, Ali. I like you far too much for an extremely unexpected marriage proposal of mostly convenience and some attraction to scare me off,” I deadpan. 

Ali’s laugh is somewhat self deprecating and he looks at the clock, “we should get to bed. Tomorrow will be long and full of pomp and circumstance. Brunch with the other rulers, sunset wedding ceremony, and then the masquerade. A team will be here bright and early to start getting us ready. Believe me I tried to call them off, but Teagin insisted.” 

I sigh and nod. It’s nearly my 1am curfew anyway. 

My back cracks as I stand up and stretch, “thank you for a wonderful, if confusing, evening.”

He scrubs his hands over his face, “I’m not much for the good talking sometimes.”

“Clearly,” I smirk. 

I kiss the top of his head companionably, “good night, Alistair.” 

It’s almost like I’m floating back to my room and I don’t feel my limbs until I flop onto my bed. 

What just happened?! 

E-mail ping. 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.org _

_ Subject: Mystery _

_ I may surprise you. _

_ \- The Dread Wolf _

 

I roll my eyes at the false promise and cringe as I type. 

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net. _

_ Subject: Double Tease _

_ I won’t hold my breath. In other news, Alistair kind of sort of asked me to marry him? Remind me to never let him make drinks again.  _

_ \- Mae _

 

The response is immediate. 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.org _

_ Subject: Queen Mae _

_ Will I be bringing half the nation to her knees in the near future?  _

_ \- The Dread Wolf _

 

Ugh. I guess that mean’s he won’t bail?

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net. _

_ Subject: Just Mae. _

_ No? I basically told him I’d think about it / if nothing else worked out for either of us I’d accept. Gods. What did I do?! He said there was no pressure or anything, but that he wanted to explain and for me to be safe and that I’d be a good Queen.  _

_ \- Mae _

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.org _

_ Subject: Extraordinary Mae _

_ You  _ would  _ make a good Queen. You are gentle and fair. It would be an attractive pair for Ferelden. A statement for the Circle and the elves. But it means nothing if it is not something you truly desire. The question is: do you want to be Queen? You no longer play this game for anyone except yourself.  Use it to your best advantage.  _

_ \- The Dread Wolf _

 

I play for myself now. He’s right. I control every aspect of my actions. ...still undecided. 

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net. _

_ Subject: Ordinary Mae _

_ He said I could keep a lover.  _

_ \- Mae _

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.org _

_ Subject: Lover of the Queen _

_ Ah, so a  _ true _ royal marriage.  If you still needed me, then I would not leave you. I may not relocate to Denerim as I have other obligations here, but you would still be mine.  _

_ \- The Dread Wolf _

 

_ Recipient: dreadwolf@eluvian.net. _

_ Subject: Master Fen’harel _

_ Thank you. Regardless, it is not a decision that will be made any time in the near future. I love you. I wish I were getting into bed with you instead of alone. _

_ \- Mae _

 

_ Recipient: maelav@chantry.org _

_ Subject: Exactly. _

_ I would gladly have you here with me. Try to rest, my heart, you will have a long weekend ahead of you. Never forget that you are loved.  _

_ \- The Dread Wolf _

 

He reacted surprisingly well? 

Is there a way to react to finding out that your sub was proposed to by the king? Nope. no. nothing normal about that. 

I put on some nicer button up pajamas so that the team in the morning won’t be shocked by my normal ratty t-shirt and underwear. I hug around one of the extra pillows and remember what it’s like to be with Fen’harel instead….and in that calm thought sleep comes to me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Party People!   
> Soooo totally forgot to update last week. Sorry!!! I've been a wedding vagabond for the last month, basically half the people we know are getting married this year (sort of hyperbole?) I've only been home 3-4 days out of every week and my internal calendar is super wonky now. BUT I got it done this week! Also, final thesis submission is next week, so think smart thoughts for me if you have a chance! <3   
> Thank you guys for being so supportive and giving me input when I needed it; I really appreciated it!   
> I hope that you have all had a good few weeks!!!  
> Next time: Mae and Alistair have brunch with the Inquisition (and some other wedding festivities).


	21. Presentation

Bright and early, I am awoken by an army of stylists. Someone brings me coffee exactly the way that I like it. It’s only when my dress for brunch is being laid out on the bed that it hits me.

Regular people wouldn’t find this normal! I didn’t blink twice.

It’s not that I’ve missed living like this, but I didn’t think I’d fall back into it so quickly.

In the other room I hear, “I will _not_ wear that coat.”

“But, your Highness—“

“Nope. King. No coat. Do you people want me to sweat to death?” Alistair sighs. “Okay fine. I’ll wear the lighter one.”

I can’t control my laughter.

“Be nice, Alistair!” I giggle over to him.

He makes a loud sound of derision, which is quickly followed by his laughter, “I already said I’d wear it!”

My dress is burgundy with a dotted gold overlay. It’s clearly a statement about my connection with Ferelden. A reminder for the Inquisition.

Apparently, Alistair and Zevran had some discussions about my outfits before we left.

Maddening.

The king is waiting for me in the sitting room in a dark brown suit with a burgundy shirt and plaid tie.

“Did you orchestrate my looking like one of your flags?” I tease and turn around in my cocktail dress. The sleeves are small and fall off my shoulders; a length that ends mid-calf makes up for the skin showing on my top.

“The prettiest flag that there ever was,” he approves, “but really, I had little to do with it. Zevran came up with the idea.”

“Of course he did.”

The brunch is full of various dignitaries. Alistair and I stay connected at the hip, both afraid of what could be waiting.

I walked away for one second to get us more drinks and a woman was there when I returned.

“Maellana, this this Duchess Marlane,” Alistair introduces.

The woman laughed like a horse and tried to get me into a conversation about the glory of the Inquisition. Clearly she had no idea who I was and managed to say some very rude things about the previous Inquisitor.

When she finally leaves, Alistair groans, “ _See_! They’re awful. Her house has sent in _at least_ four contracts for my hand. It’s like I’m a piece of meat.”

“I don’t like her,” I say simply.

He laughs pleasantly, “Well, that settles it.”

Cullen and Cassandra looked like they always had. They were good friends the whole time I had known them. Now there were small hints of physical affection dotted into their interactions.

The whole thing felt like a little dagger—not a whole knife—had been plunged into my chest and someone was turning it.

“I’m….I am so sorry. I have to…find the little boys room…” Alistair babbles looking around, “half my guard will stay to insure your safety.”

“No one is going to attack me in the middle of brunch. Go pee.” I shake my head.

The moment he is gone, I feel a familiar presence beside me.

“Look at how happy he is now,” Leliana practically sings into my ear.

“Thank you for the invitation. I appreciate being here,” I grumble.

She hums and moves closer to my side, “you see, the Commander was to become Inquisitor upon some time that you left us…the provision was there for your death, but this worked out even better. We found someone who would never leave, who would make him happy…or at least think he was happy. It only took a little push.”

“Stop,” I whisper brokenly.

I did this.

I’m why he is in this lie. A lie he doesn’t even know is a lie!

“You will be presenting your blessing this evening, following the ceremony. You will smile. You will bow. You were _nothing_ Maellana Lavellan and you are nothing yet again. Do not forget your place. You may no longer be the Inquisitor, but you are still ours,” she threatens smoothly.

I close my eyes and after a breath straighten my shoulders. At some point I had collapsed in on myself, “I play for myself now, Nightingale. I will do what is expected tonight, but I am no longer your puppet.”

Leliana laughs brightly, “ever the optimist, Lady Inquisitor.”

Out of the corner of my eye, a golden gaze catches my attention.

Cullen is unabashedly staring at me.

Shocked.

I wipe at my teary eyes and half smile at him.

He leans over to whatever man he is speaking to and makes a nod of goodbye.

Leliana leaves my side just as Cullen moves close enough that if I tried to run it would be obvious and extremely awkward.

 “I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Cullen says apologetically, “I—I hadn’t noticed you until I saw Leliana over here and…” he runs a hand through his hair.

I plaster on a smile, “she sent me an invitation recently. I’m just glad to be able to see you so happy.”

He blushes, “I am sorry to say that you were right. I had been harboring feelings for Cassandra. Leliana and Josephine explained it all to me.  I didn’t realize it until you were gone and once I knew you weren’t coming back…it moved quickly.”

“You deserve to be happy,” I nod. Now he can at least feel like he is doing everything he wants. He gets to fight for his cause and be a husband. It’s a farce, but I don’t think he’d see reality if it slapped him in the face.

“Mae,” Cullen worries his bottom lip, “I know now how unhappy all this made you. It was selfish of me to try to make you stay. _You_ deserve to be happy too.”

I take his much larger hand in mine and give it a squeeze, “I will always love you, Cullen. I will always want the best for you. If this is what you want, and it seems to be, then you have my complete blessing.” It hurts.

He smiles broadly, if shyly, “I…You hold a place in my heart for all eternity. I can’t describe to you how happy it makes me to have your goodwill and really, your presence here. You were my closest confidant.”

“I am only a phone call away if you ever need me,” I grin. At least he is moving on…

Cullen leans down and kisses my cheek, “thank you.” Our eyes lock for a little too long…long enough that old feelings were stirring. “I-- I should return to my fiancé,” he says. I can’t tell if it is more for my benefit or his own.

“Good luck, Commander. Tonight will go perfectly, I’m sure.” I swallow hard and can feel myself blush.

I’m embarrassed for my heart fluttering. For distracting him. For my general existence.

Alistair quickly takes Cullen’s place in front of me, openly glaring at the Commander as he passes him.

“It seems like you had an eventful potty break,” he teases, but looks around worriedly.

Down the last of my mimosa in a single sustained drink….it had been mostly full, “Leliana said hello. Cullen and I….talked?”

“Oh good. Well, I think we should be going,” Alistair nods at his head guard, “we’ve had enough of this. Must save some tolerance for the ridiculous to get through tonight.”

He scans the room, staring down Leliana momentarily. She smirks and raises her glass. Alistair’s nose crinkles in disgust, “I always thought she was completely mad. Nice to know I’m not entirely wrong about people.”

As soon as we get back to our rooms, I throw myself face down on my bed.

She was right. I am nothing.

Alistair shifts around at my door, “can I get you anything?”

“Just leave me here to wallow for a bit,” I mumble into the blankets.

Nothing.

He hums in understanding, then pauses, “my, my, Mae, what pretty flowers you have. From a certain someone who might be _more_?”

I frown and sit up.

Sure enough, there is a large bouquet full of a variety of flowers. I don’t recognize some of them, but all together they make for a wild beauty.

A card is popped up in the side:

_Thinking of you,_

_\- Solas._

I smile like a fool and run my hand over some of the petals.

Solas.

He sees me even when he isn’t here.

“Orchids,” Alistair points out, “he’s calling you a delicate beauty.”

I raise a brow at the man, “you are a floral encyclopedia?”

“You’d be surprised what completely stupid attention to detail goes into being King. Send flowers often, but make sure they are not _saying_ the wrong thing. I once told a Nevarran Lord that I was his secret admirer.” Alistair sighs, “After that I made sure someone else sent things for me. Either way, it’s good knowledge to have now.”

I shake my head and go back to admiring the flowers.

“Pansy for his loving thoughts,” the king continues, “….and the sweet pea for shyness…I’m not sure whether that means yours or his…apple blossom for his promise. Unless, of course, I’m projecting and he just picked out flowers that he thought were pretty.”

“I should call him before I go back to wallowing,” I smile.

Alistair starts to leave the room, “please do. Oh! You could slip in something about his being your mistress…you know…just to see…”

He teases with a boyish grin.

“You are such a scamp!” I laugh and shake my head.

He playfully salutes me and leaves me be.

My heart races with anticipation as I wait for him to answer. Every ring driving my excitement higher, making me forget how little I matter.

Finally. “Hello?” It sounds like he is in a crowded room. I’d give anything to be there instead of here.

“I found a wonderful present in my room this afternoon,” a beam into the phone. My voice is shy and almost embarrassingly grateful.

“You liked them?” He asks hopefully. I can practically see the crinkles at the sides of his eyes when he is smiling.

“They are perfect.”

He pauses, “is…um…How are things going?”

I groan and flop back down on the bed, “I’ve had better mornings. We managed to miss last night thanks to Alistair’s planning.”

“There is that at the very least. Mae,” he sounds nervous, “I already presented this morning. I could try to make a flight tonight and be there.”

“No, stay and enjoy yourself,” I say sternly, “I’m only here for the rest of today and we fly back tomorrow early afternoon. You will, however, pick me up from the airport.”

He chuckles, “I am greatly looking forward to it, no need to order my attendance.”

I heave a sigh, “sorry.” I had forgotten the question mark at the end of that request. Old habits, I suppose?

“Rest while you can. I assume you have a long night ahead of you,” his voice soothes me.

“Yes…thank you again for the flowers. They made me smile…reminded me of myself…that I am something other than what they try to make me,” admiration comes from my every word.

Solas pauses, “Mae, you are perfect exactly as you are. You are worth everything….you _are_ everything…I…I’m sorry session is about to start again. I must go.”

“See you then,” I smile at the phone, tearing up for a reason other than everything being awful, “thank you.”

“Until tomorrow,” he murmurs happily.

He hangs up with a gentle click.

I get out of my dress and settle in for a little nap before the stylist army returns in the evening to dress me for the wedding ceremony and party.

* * *

The ceremony was traditional Andrastrian. It was relatively short and all attendants were wearing the pinnacle of formalwear. Cullen was in dress armor and I was honestly shocked to see Cassandra in a dress and not in _her_ dress armor.

She’s probably hating it and that makes me so happy in a petty kind of way.

Immediately after we are led into the largest room of Skyhold for the reception.

Zevran picked me out something amazing for this event. It’s pointedly elven. Shades of green chiffon layer together making it look like I’m floating as I walk around. The sleeves are slit all the way down their length and sort of meld together with the rest of the airy fabric. My hair is down and curled, tamed, but adding to the free feeling of my adornments. I’m even wearing jeweled sandals instead of heels.

Alistair is in his usual black and gold dress uniform.

We do not match.

Speaking of Zevran, I’m stopped by a hand around my waist and a kiss to my cheek while Alistair and I walk to get drinks from the bar.

I gasp in surprise.

“You look fetching, _bella donna_!” Zevran purrs into my ear.

“You said you couldn’t be my plus one because you were busy!” I protest, thwacking him in the side with my palm.

“I _am_ busy,” he smirks, “I’m working.”

He leans over and kisses Alistair’s cheek as well, “you also look very pretty.”

“Good to see you, my friend,” the king smiles.

Zevran’s eyes lock on something on the other side of the room, “ah yes. Duty calls.”

And with that he is gone.

“Are you sure you don’t want to ask him what exactly he is doing?” Ali teases.

“Nope. Don’t want to know. I won’t even look over toward that part of the room for the rest of the night,” I ramble.

A few moments later we are all instructed to go to our seats and dinner is served. The couple enters to great fanfare and end up at a sweetheart table on a raised platform at the end of the room.

Speeches are boring. We clap politely and raise our glasses when necessary.

In an hour, presentations will begin, but we are free to dance and mingle as we wish for that time in between.

No one recognizes me. People come speak to Alistair and he introduces me as his friend….they seem to think it’s some sort of exciting scandal. Alistair thinks it is hilarious. I do not.

A bell rings signaling the time for open politics…the presentations.

Some nobles from Orlais go before us in line and pledge their loyalty as well as jewelry for the couple.

It almost makes me laugh by the third one. Cullen and Cassandra must _hate_ this.

Alistair holds my hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze, then leads me to the stairs. We’d planned to present together, but Leliana puts a hand on my shoulder, preventing me from approaching with Alistair.

He glares, but goes forward. Now is not the time to make a scene and she must be banking on that.

“His Royal Highness, Alistair Theirin,” is announced by some disembodied voice.

“Inquisitor, Lady Cassandra, Ferelden is happy to know you have found such happiness in one another. I hope to one day be as blessed as the two of you are now.” Alistair speaks like a true King, very carefully and with strength. “My nation gifts you with a pair of Mabari from my personal pack of hounds. They are sure to be long time companions for you and may grow along with you and your family.”

Ali is very subtle with his digs. Most people probably don’t notice, but Cassandra, Leliana, and I certainly do.

“Thank you, your Majesty. I am honored by your gift,” Cullen is genuinely thrilled; he always loved Mabari. Wanted one of his own for _years_.

Leliana smirks down at me, “Smile, Mae.”

“Lady Inquisitor, Mae Trevelyan!” and with that I am completely known. The crowd erupts in gasps and murmurs.

Cullen gives me an encouraging look, smiling broadly.  

I take a breath and ascend, passing Alistair on the way.

I bow and school my face into a pleasant serenity, “Inquisitor, Lady Cassandra,” I decide to copy Alistair’s opening, “what a happy occasion to bring me to Skyhold. I know that my sabbatical was mostly unannounced, as such, I wish to openly give you my blessing and support. Nothing gives me more joy than to see my friends so entirely contented. I have a small gift, but one that I hope you will enjoy. It is a journal that will last for the next five years. Each evening you may write what you are thankful for in the day and in your partner. In times of hardship, you can look back and see all of the reasons you chose one another.”

Honestly, I had gotten the journal for Cullen and me after we got engaged….It was going to be a wedding present for him. Well, it still is a wedding present for him just…not with me writing as well.

I bow my head and wait for an answer and dismissal.

Cullen stands and reaches out his hands for me.

My brow furrows slightly in confusion, but I let him place my palms on his.

He smiles cheerfully, but there is a tint of longing in his eyes that I am sure is mirrored in my own.

“Lady Inquisitor, Mae,” Cullen says steadily, “you have made us very happy by being here today. Your presence is sorely missed at Skyhold. While you may be far from your home, you are held in its heart. Today, we claim you as our sister.”

A well-dressed servant comes forward with a little pillow, on it sits a little golden circlet. I had _refused_ to wear a crown as Inquisitor; we were a political movement, not a ruling party. Cullen and Cass had on crowns, so I lost that battle. And I was losing it again.

“You will always find protection within our walls and support from those who support us. If you are ever in need, the Inquisition will stand for you,” he continues. Cullen takes the tiara and places it on my head, making sure it sits well.

I don’t know what to say or do or think. This is…unexpected.

He lowers his voice so that only I can hear, “thank you…for everything. You look beautiful by the way. Very…” he pauses to choose a word, “very like you.”

I smile broadly even as tears cloud my eyes, “be happy, my friend. Thank you.”

“Thank you,” I say again, this time for everyone, “I cherish your hospitality and care.”

I’m finally allowed to leave the dais and slip in next to Alistair.   

“Clever,” he whispers to me, “they’re still maneuvering. They must think you are still a player in this. You are still publicly tied to them now. They didn’t use your full or proper name…I’ll put my people on it.” Alistair is having some very serious conversation with me that is pretty much just him speaking.

“I don’t know,” I sigh, “I’m not sure how this actually benefits them. Well, aside from reminding me that they own me. That I am nothing.”

He frowns severely, “you don’t truly think that do you?”

I shrug.

Alistair looks like he might straight up murder Leliana, but continues to play the King. Now is not the time.

My previous anonymity is gone as soon as the presentation hour is over. Everyone who was presenting puts on their masks like the rest of the party, but I’m wearing a very notable crown and my dress is unique and Alistair stands out like a sore thumb as well.

We are descended upon by the ravenous hyenas that are the nobility of Thedas. I mean that as no slight to hyenas for grouping them up with these people.

Suddenly, those people who were treating me like Alistair’s secret little lady a few minutes before were practically tripping over themselves to praise me for some nonsense thing or another. Trying to win my favor for who knows what reason. I sincerely hopped to disappear again very _very_ soon.

I just smiled and nodded and joked. I played for the first time in months and I wasn’t doing too poorly.

A hand rests on my lower back and I tense. Alistair’s hands a folded politely in front of him as he talks to some old man about something.

So a stranger?

“Might I have this dance, my lady?” A familiar baritone purrs into my ear.

Not a stranger. Nothing even close to a stranger.

It takes all of my self-control not to jump into his arms. Instead, I slowly turn and smile gratefully, “yes, I would love to.”

Behind me is the surprising, but extremely welcome sight of a tall, lean man in all black with a black wolf’s mask hiding his face. Blue eyes, bid me to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Weekend, Lovelies!  
> I hope you had a great two weeks! I went to the beach for one of the weeks and then just placed in a Harry Potter costume contest last night! (Of of the perks of having purple-y-pink hair is being Tonks without a wig.) 
> 
> Next time: Fen'harel comes to party
> 
> Oh! If you didn't know, and are interested, I am writing a companion bit to this that is in Solas' POV. [Know, Fen'harel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5791465/chapters/13348186)
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr as [Gorilllainthemist](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist)


	22. Flexible*

“What are you doing here?!” I gasp through a smile.

“Dancing with the most beautiful woman in the room,” Fen’harel smiles back and laces his fingers with mine.

“Alistair, I—“

The King looks amused, “A friend, I assume? Go on and have some fun.” I try to pretend like I don’t see the suspicion in his eyes.

“Don’t let anyone give you any strange cheeses while I’m gone,” I warn with a giggle and allow Fen’harel to take me toward the dance floor.

Fen’harel twirls me around playfully before pulling me into a dance hold.

“Stop that!” I try to sound annoyed, but really don’t feel anything except happy. “Everyone is watching!”

“Why do we care if they watch?” He smirks, “Are you ashamed of being seen with me?”

“No!” I gasp, “Never! I wish you would always be with me.”

My lover’s eyes are soft and inviting, “I cannot be with you in the light, but it _is_ dark here and everyone is masked. Rules can be flexible.”

“Oh, the rules can be flexed, can they?” I raise a shrewd brow.

" _You_ certainly can be." He raises my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles, “I am enjoying this new mask, kitten.”

I had wanted to wear my original cat mask, but Zevran wouldn’t hear of it. Apparently, I needed something more formal. Masks come in formal and informal versions? I doubt that. Either way, it is silver and adorned with various crystals to make it glisten in the light…and still a cat.

“Zevran,” I sigh in explanation.

Fen’harel chuckles, “he is a good friend to you.” The corners of his lips turn down slightly, “The circlet is new too.”

“Some new play by the Inquisition. Reminding me that I’m theirs.”

“You do not belong to them,” he grumbles.

I shrug, “we’ll see about that.”

“They cannot own you if you do not allow them to,” he insists, squeezing my hand. “The only person you are responsible to is yourself.”

“And you,” I blush.

He shakes his head, “you choose to listen to me. You decide to tell me of any rules you break. If you wanted this to end, you have the ability to make it so.”

”I _want_ to be yours,” I reassure him. “I like being responsible to you. You make me feel safe, happy.”

“I am glad to hear it, but that changes nothing of what I said. And you should find a better place to store your heart. The King asked for your hand. He is handsome and seemingly kind. You are friends. If you were a member of his house the Inquisition could no longer make claims on you.”

“I love you,” I frown.

He adds in another spin, putting me off balance. It gives him a reason to pull me closer to his chest, “and I you. I always want you to feel like you have options outside of me. I notice Solas is not in attendance.”

“He was presenting at a conference,” I grumble, annoyed that Fen’harel is going on about me finding someone else, when all I want is him. “He sent me flowers and offered to join me this evening.”

“But you told him not to?” Fen’harel tilts his head, awaiting an answer.

I roll my eyes, “he is sweet and wonderful. I would have loved to have him here with me. It’s just…I don’t want him to somehow become _more_ of a blip on the Inquisition’s radar. I want him to be safe. By that same logic _you_ shouldn’t be here either. Also, he doesn’t need to see me like this. I don’t want to be this…the Inquisitor…to him. Besides, I’ll be home tomorrow and he is picking me up from the airport.”

“He already knows you are the Inquisitor. The two of you had something of an attraction before he knew, yes?”

“Yes.”

“You are allowed to have faith in people who are not myself, dear one.” Fen’harel smiles gently, “they all care about you deeply, if what you say of your friends is true. Zevran, the King, Solas, and Dorian, even Vivienne: they would all just want you to be happy.”

He leans down and kisses my cheek, “do not let these people make you forget that.”

I turn a brighter pink, “you are lucky that your mask is so well fitted. We will make all the gossip columns at this rate.”

“For a chaste kiss?” He muses, “And here I thought we might escape for much more gossip worthy activities.”

I poorly stifle a whimper, eyes growing wide, “You would….here?!” My body starts to heat at an almost embarrassing speed.

The hand on my back strokes up and down ever so slightly. It gives me goosebumps. “If you desired it, yes. I would take you to some secluded place and—“

“Yes.” I interrupt.

He laughs with a slightly lower tone to his voice, “I see. Do you have a suggestion for a location, my eager girl?”

I nod, “We should wait for this dance to be over…but yes. Yes, I do.” Some of the halls have to be empty…maybe the library is available…

Shamelessly, I shift so that my chest is pressed against his. He smirks handsomely at the contact and holds me tighter. “But they’re watching,” he whispers playfully against my ear.

I moan quietly, “good.”

On the last notes of the song, he dips me back, positioning himself so that I ride his thigh the whole way.

I feel like I might explode. The naughtiness of being in public with him. Of being touched by him. The secret of my shameless lust for him.

I want this. I _need_ this.

Leaning against the doorway on the way out is Zevran. He looks practically giddy. “Good to see you again, _Dolcezza_.” He looks Fen’harel up and down, “ _Lupo_ , how nice of you to join us.”

I groan, trying not to rub my thighs together to relieve the delicious need stirring in me. “Zevran,” I whine, “this is not the time.”

“Don’t let me spoil your fun.” He gestures with his head, “The large closet thee doors down on the left is spacious and unoccupied.”

“Zevran?” I blink in surprise. _Should_ I be surprised?

He pats Fen’harel on the shoulder, “No need to thank me.”

We scurry down the hall and into the promised closet. It is both spacious and unoccupied.

“What _does_ he do for a living?” I wonder.

My thoughts are pulled back to the man in front of me as his lips find my neck, licking insistently.

I gasp in contended surprise.

“What do you want, _emma lath_?” he whispers against my skin.

I groan and reach down, palming his dick through his tight dark pants.

“Tell me what you desire. I could stand here all night just doing this. Making you squirm, soaking you without reaching between your legs.” Fen’harel purrs.

“I want…” My mind is fogging with thoughts of sex. His teeth sink into the edge of my ear and I yelp, “coffee. I want coffee.”

His lips curve against my neck, “Noted. Is that all you want? Shall we pause to find you some?”

I laugh breathily and start to undo his buckle, “I want you to fuck me.”

A growl rolls deep in his chest, “I will gladly oblige.”

Without ceremony, I pop open his trouser button, unzip them and free his hardness. “I would have never guessed you would be interested.”

He scoffs and presses me against the wall, rubbing his erection against my hip. “My want of you knows no bounds.”

My fingertips dance around the edges of his shaft. I love the slight quiver of his body as I tease.

“So much fabric on this damned dress,” he grumbles. “It is a shame the night is not over. I would simply rip it off.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” I gasp.

His smirk turns predatory, “not tonight, my dear.”

After some almost awkward fumbling, he reaches the end of the layers of my dress. Fen’harel wastes no time in finding my throbbing entrance.

I am dripping for him.

He slides in a finger, testing me. He groans in approval and presses his palm against my clit. I throw back my head and moan…more loudly than I should be in a closet in Skyhold.

As a second finger stretches me, his mouth captures another lewd whimper.

I am on edge. The excitement of it all. He is rock hard against me and covering me with the rest of his body. The thrusting fingers could do me in.

I tap on his shoulder and he leans back to let me speak. “Fen’harel, please, I’m so close.”

“So close already, my heart?” he praises. “You have been so good. Cum for me.”

He presses inside of me with more pressure, more purpose…and I am lost to anything except his pleasure. His lips muffle my climactic cries.

I am still panting when he wraps my leg around his waist.

His eyes are nearly black with need, “Do you want more?”

“Yes! Yes, please! I want your cock,” I half beg and half demand.

He slides my panties to the side and teases at my slickened entrance with his tip.

I groan impatiently and tighten my leg around him, pulling him harder against me. He relents and seats himself entirely inside of me.

Fen’harel takes a moment to let me adjust to his fantastic size.

He cups my cheek and kisses me with such tenderness and devotion. Our tongues dance in a loving war and he starts to slowly glide in and out of me. My heart flutters; I _love_ him. I brace myself with a hand against his chest and can feel the pounding of his heart against his ribs.

His hand drops to grab at my other thigh and I eagerly help him pull me off of the ground. I am pressed between his body and the wall.

“I am going to fuck you now,” he warns me and rests his forehead against mine.

“Yes, Fen’harel,” I smirk at him.

Fen’harel starts to pound into me in earnest.

My moans pitch higher as he repeatedly strikes perfectly inside of me. I clasp a hand over my mouth to quiet my very obvious sounds of sex. Something in his eyes sparks and it seems to become some sort of challenge: how dirty can he make my moans.

Very.

He sifts the way he is holding me so that my clit rubs against his stomach every time I am shifted up and down by his thrusts.

Fire is growing in my blood again.

“Fen’harel,” I pant.

“Yes,” he responds with equal breathlessness, “dear one, finish with me.”

His thrusts increase in speed. My legs start to shake as I rise to my peak. His fingers dig into my thighs right as he nips at my neck and I am undone.

Our mouths clash together, a mess of tongues and moans, as we throb our climaxes.

He rests his head on my shoulder, out of breath from the…exercise. Fen’harel gently puts my feet on the floor and runs a hand along my back to make sure that I am not injured by the wall in any way.

I am fine.

Better than fine.

From somewhere in the closet, he grabs a towel and cleans up what he can between my glistening thighs. Only when I am—mostly—dry does he clean up himself, tuck his cock back in, and does up his pants.

I giggle and pull him down for a kiss. “I am going to have you _still_ soaking my underthings all night.”

He smiles against my lips, “Take it as a reminder that you own yourself.”

The look on his face is pure adoration. He tucks some hair behind my ear and dots a kiss on my forehead. “You are so beautiful, Maellana. So loved.”

I blush, “we…um…should probably go back…You’ll stay for a bit?”

“I…yes. I will stay for a while longer, but will be leaving tonight.”

I frown. I’d hoped that he would stay with me. If he was already here….but….he does have his own life outside of the mask. I wonder what he does. Perhaps a carpenter like Blackwall! No. His hands are too soft for that. A banker? Lawyer? Doctor? He could be anything and I would have no idea. What if he is some noble and was already going to be here tonight!

No. That’s stupid. He would be far more obsessed with himself if that were the case.

“I believe the other thing you wanted was coffee?” he flashes me a lopsided, if bemused, grin.

I blink in surprise. He opens the door for me and ushers me out into the hall. “I thought I wasn’t allowed anymore today…”

He heaves a sigh, “It makes you happy. We can adjust the provision. I realize you use it to cope, but in times of stress an additional stimulant is unwise. Alternative methods would be ideal.”

“It’s more having the warm mug in my hand than what is actually in it. It makes me feel safe and cozy…kind of like you,” I bump his hip with mine.

His hand wraps around mine, “perhaps in those times you could instead switch to decaffeinated beverages. I do not _wish_ to take away things you enjoy, it is simply my trying to help you be more of who you want to be. Do you feel better now that you eat regularly?”

“I do. I have more energy. Oghren may help with that as well,” I admit. I _hate_ going to the gym, but I _do_ feel much better after I go.

“I am glad to hear it,” he smiles and leads me over to the coffee bar. “All other contractual obligations still apply. We will see how this provision goes. You were sassier than usual this past week.”

I roll my eyes at him, “I _like_ caffeine.”

His face is unamused, “watch your tone. It is not that you _like_ caffeine it is that you are _addicted_ to it. There is a difference.”

I fill a mug and add cinnamon and some chocolate syrup and whipped cream. Fen’harel looks at the mug like it is some amazingly offensive abomination. “I used decaff as a goodwill gesture,” I offer, taking a sip.

“I was unaware that one could drink their dessert,” he grimaces.

“It’s a wedding. Might as well indulge,” I wink.

He frowns severely up at the newly wedded couple. “Yes, it _is_ a wedding. Had you not escaped from this…it may…How is it that this particular pairing came to pass? If I am not mistaken not eight months ago he was at your doorstep begging for your return.”

“Cullen thinks he is in love with Cassandra now.” I say without malice. It’s not his fault. “The Inquisition uses people. He is so dedicated to their cause and really just wants to be happy. So, I’m sure they influenced his thoughts with clever words and contrived scenarios, but it ended with him proposing. Cass won’t leave him…even if she doesn’t want this marriage she will pretend like she does because they need Cullen. They need his ties to the military, his attractive figure, and his connection to me. He’ll think he is happy…so he _will_ truly be happy about it. At the very least, it will keep him safe.”

Fen’harel considers me for a moment, “You think his fantasy world is better for him than the real one?”

“He has been through awful things. The fantasy keeps him cushioned from reality…I tried to get him to see the sham that we were involved in, but he refused. Slowly, I maybe could have fixed it…but I left. It’s my fault that he—“

“No. It is not your fault. None of this. You did your best, but he would not heed your warnings. You needed to care for yourself and your own freedom. You are not responsible for the actions of anyone, except yours,” Fen’harel says sternly.

“But this _is_ my fault.” I protest, “If I had stayed—“

His eyes flare with a heated fury…a silent warning. “If you had stayed then you would be trapped in this. They would have been able to leverage your marriage. You would be an unhappy puppet and for what? To save someone who did not want to be saved? Someone who would not listen to you?”

…He’s right.

I might have saved Cullen from a farce of a marriage, but I would have trapped myself. Of course I loved him, but love isn’t enough sometimes.

I need to value myself and my needs.

“You cannot save someone else if you do not save yourself first,” Fen’harel adds gently after a long exhale.  

I nod, “You’re right. Thank you…I’ll try to remember that.”

The bell chimes ten.

Fen’harel looks at his watch and frowns. “I am sorry, my love. I have to be going.”

I am crestfallen. It was so nice having him here with me and now…off he goes again. “I wish you could stay.”

“As do I,” he kisses my cheek.

“I will miss you,” I turn my head and sweetly press my lips to his.

He is a bit shocked, but smiles. Is he blushing?!

“Will you come to me next weekend?” He asks.

“Always,” I beam, still sad, but excited to see him again.

“Until then, gentle heart.” He kisses me again and struts out of the ballroom.

People watch him leave. Whispers follow. Who was the masked man who kissed the Lady Inquisitor?

Joke is on them.

I don’t even know who he is.

“A friend?” Alistair teases from beside me.

“Very friendly,” I blush into my coffee.

He hums in thought, “And who is this friend?”

I look at him and press my lips together. Alistair is my friend, truly. He’d…he wouldn’t judge me. He proposed a political marriage to me, he has no room to judge. “Would you believe me if I told you that I didn’t know?”

His brows knit together beneath his Mabari mask, “you don’t know who he is?”

“I mean I do. We are well acquainted just…”

“You just don’t know who he is.” Alistair deadpans.

“Don’t judge me,” I point an accusatory finger at him.      

He holds up his hands in defense, “I am just trying to understand what you’re telling me. That _friend_ wasn’t Solas or some other man you’ve been dating?”

I shake my head, “No, Solas is at a conference. I just spoke to him this afternoon. And I’m not dating anyone else. Well…that visitor and I aren’t _quite_ dating…”

“How are you sure he isn’t he Inquisition’s? Or that he isn’t some assassin or spy?” Alistair worries at me.

I shrug, “Well, for one, if he were an assassin I’d be dead by now.”

“Not comforting.”

“Secondly, anything he knows about me, I’m sure the Inquisition already has a file on. He hasn’t tried to influence me in any way. Alistair, it’s fine. I’m sure Zevran already looked into everything. No idea how, but he probably did.” I pat his shoulder.

He nods slowly, eyes clouded, but he smiles and takes up my hand to kiss it, “Forgive my concern. I do trust you, Mae, I just want you to be safe and happy.”

I kiss Alistair’s cheek, “Thank you, my King.”

He smirks, “Now, would _he_ be interested in being your mistress?”

I laugh a little too loudly. “Believe it or not, he was amenable to that particular situation.”

“Was he really?” Alistair smirks, waggling his eyebrows suggestively “Do you think he’d be gentle with me?”

I swat his shoulder, “incorrigible!”

“I am very delicate,” he shrugs innocently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya party people!!! Has anyone told you that you're beautiful today? Because you are <3\. 
> 
> I hope that you are having a fantastic weekend! 1 week left till semester starts for me, I hope everyone else going back to class has a great last few days of summer!!! 
> 
> Next Time: Mae and Solas spend some time together.


	23. Flowers

We fly back to Lothering first thing in the morning.

I wobble down the stairs off of the plane…it was not the greatest flight…not that any flight is great, but this one was particularly bad. Alistair even tried all of his little jokes and songs for me, but nothing worked. Brandy almost worked…until I used one of the flight sickness bags.

I smile, feeling _almost_ refreshed, when I see Solas leaning up against his car waiting for me.

He matches my enthusiasm and hugs me tightly as I practically run into his arms. It isn’t really running…but it’s at the very least rushing.

Alistair follows slowly, “I’m glad that you were able to make it.” There’s something tense in his voice that makes me uncomfortable.

“Yes, thank you for having the pilot call to inform me of your earlier arrival.” Solas answers slowly.

I look up at him and notice the darkness under his eyes. He must have rushed back here after getting back from the conference. I dot a little kiss on his jaw, “I appreciate it.”

He blushes slightly, but keeps his eyes on Alistair.

“As do I. It would be a shame for Mae to have been left alone. The flowers were lovely, what florist did you use?” Alistair asks. “I would like to use them the next time I need to send a bouquet in that area. Do you think that they have any rhododendron and monkshood…or yellow carnations?”

Solas’ hand tenses against my back for a second, “I will look it up when I return home for you. I must say, their gladioli are breathtaking.”

Alistair taps his chin with a finger, thinking, “Perhaps orange mock is more appropriate…”

“Occasionally,” Solas concedes.  

I laugh, “Where did the two of you learn this nonsense?”

“What nonsense?” Alistair wonders innocently.

“I’m a very clever girl, remember? You’re both speaking in flowers. Is this a common hobby?” I tease them.

Solas runs a hand along my hair, “I always enjoyed an academic challenge.”

“King,” Alistair reminds me simply.

I roll my eyes, “The two of you are impossible.”

“Well, I’d best be going,” Alistair gestures to the plane.

I remove myself from Solas and go give Alistair a hug. He holds me tightly, protectively. “Solas, you should let Mae know about those flowers soon. Otherwise, I could always look closer and then let her know when I found it. She could pass on to you what I find.”

“I had already planned to,” Solas says firmly.

Ali kisses the top of my head, “Stay safe, my friend. Remember that if you ever need _anything_ I’m only a call away.”

“Why do you act so strange around Solas?” I ask abruptly.

He lets out a little huff, “Is it wrong to be concerned about your happiness? If this is your _more_ , then he sure as the Void better be treating you like you’re his more as well.”

I sigh and kiss his cheek, “He’s wonderful, Ali, really. I appreciate your concern, but please don’t let it keep you up at night. I’m fine.”

Alistair nods, “take care, Mae.”

“Until next time!” I smile.

He hops up the stairs and is off back to the capital.

“And you,” I point at Solas as I walk back to the car. He gestures to himself feigning confusion. “Yes, you. Stop being weird around Alistair.”

Solas looks at the ground, suddenly shy, “Mae, he is younger than I am. Those without sight would know he is handsome and he clearly admires you.”

“And?”

He looks up at me, “He is the _King_ , Mae. I am just—“

“You are perfect exactly as you are,” I interrupt.

It looks like he might protest again, so I stop him with a kiss. Solas seems resistant, but quickly melts against me. He is slightly flushed when I pull away.

“Are you busy today? I know you were gone all weekend too. You could come over and we could catch up on work together if you’d like,” I lace my fingers with his and swing his arm slightly.

He grins, “I have no other appointments.”

Solas almost drives like a normal person on the way to my apartment. We settle in on the couch and start reading. My legs are draped over his lap and he is resting one of his hands on my knee.

It is comfortable and safe and wonderful.

Suddenly, he speaks. “I hope that your weekend improved after we spoke?”

I rest my book on my stomach and sigh, “It couldn’t have gotten much worse at that point. The wedding was fine. I’m sure you’ll see my presentation in the papers. It was simple. They _crowned_ me…”

“Crowned you?” He frowns.

I wave a hand in dismissal, “It doesn’t actually mean anything.”

He fiddles with the corner of the book in his hands, “Mae…I….I would have been there if you had asked it of me.”

“It’s not that I didn’t _want_ you to be with me,” I explain. “I just….”

I toss my book onto the coffee table and slide up on to his lap, straddling his thighs with mine. “You know, for being so fantastic and my constantly throwing myself at you, you seem to keep thinking I shouldn’t want you around.”

He sets his book aside and rests his hands on the outside of my thighs, “I never thought that—“ He sighs, “You could have anything you wanted, Mae.”

“I want you.” I smile and rest my forehead against his. “You know why I didn’t tell you to come? Well, first of all it would have been an undue burden on you, but that is beside the point. I don’t want them to have access to you. I am not sure what the Inquisition is capable of and I want you to be safe. I…I care about you...probably more than I should admit.”

We have only been dating for a little over a month and I…I care for him. I am very well on my way to loving him with all of myself. He is familiar and new and exciting, but also comforting. Handsome and intelligent. Solas is everything I could ever ask for.

He runs his fingers along my jaw, tangling his fingers in my hair, “I care for you, Mae, with all that I am. It seemed unimaginable to me that someone as dream-worthy as you would ever exist…not to mention perhaps care for me.”

“Not perhaps. I do. I care.” I run my nose along his.

Solas gently slants his lips against mine and kisses me with a tender devotion that makes my heart sing. His hands flex and tense in my hair with the emotion transferring between us. I sigh happily and run my thumbs along his cheekbones. My heart is beating so fast that I fear I may burst from my chest.

In the distant corner of my mind, I can hear the telltale sound of my front door being lock picked. I guess Zevran is home.

I pull away with a set of shorter, but no less dedicated kisses. “Zevran will be in here momentarily.”

Solas seems unfazed. His eyes dart around my face and he is breathless. “Mae…I…will you…” He swallows and steels himself. “Mae, will you please do me the honor of coming to my home this weekend. We could make dinner together and discuss….us.”

I nod, “Yes. I would love to. If you’re sure…?”

“I have never been more certain of a thing in my life,” Solas says with what seems like an inappropriate strength in his voice.

It’s only dinner.

Or wait.

Maybe this is it.

Maybe this is him wanting to further our physical relationship! Dinner. Talking…. _talking_. Oh Gods. The thought makes my whole body tingle.

“Friday?” He asks as the door starts to swing open.

I nod.

Zevran steps into the room with a flourish.

“It was already unlocked,” I point out with a smile.

He eyes me in Solas’ lap with approval. “Oh good. I made sure to bring lunch for three. I am glad to see I was not wrong.”

“Did you enjoy the wedding, Zevran?” I laugh and stay on Solas’ lap.

“Did he not say that he was too busy to go with you?” Solas smiles over his shoulder at Zevran and relaxes again, resting his hands back on my thighs.

Zevran sets a few carry out bags on my counter, “I _was_ busy and yes, I had a wonderful time. Quite…stimulating.”

“I don’t want to know,” I smile and kiss Solas’ forehead before standing to go get food. I am very hungry.

“I do!” Solas laughs and follows me to the kitchen.

“Don’t you dare!” I laugh and playfully thwack his arm.

Zevran’s eyes glitter conspiratorially, “I will tell you all about it when the lady is away, my friend.”

The three of us eat the super random assortment of foods that Zevran brought and watched some awful television show about people hunting down ancient artifacts that weren’t even close to being real. He brought something from at least five different restaurants in the area.

It was a lovely evening.

When Solas left, he kissed me again in that dedicated way. “I will see you in the morning.”

“Good night. I can’t wait for Friday,” I smile.

As he turns to leave it almost sounds like he says something like ‘that makes one of us’.  I couldn’t really hear though, Zevran was cackling at the television inside.

I flop down on the couch next to Zevran and he rests his head on my shoulder. “I like him. I think he’s good for you. It is peculiar, perhaps, but I suppose I should expect that from you.”

I snort and pat his cheek, “I happen to like him too.”

* * *

Before bed an idea hits me: the flowers.

I don’t remember everything that Alistair and Solas had said, but if they were going to speak in code in my presence, they should be prepared for my figuring out some of it. I grab my laptop to do some searching.

The results are…odd.

I remember rhododendron. …a threat. Alistair was telling Solas to stay away or that Ali was dangerous to him. Monkshood is a threat too. He was telling Solas to watch his back?

What utter nonsense!

Solas said something about gladiolus….meaning that he is sincere in whatever it is that they were scuffling about.

Were they arguing over me?! In front of me? I had already told Alistair what I intended.

Are all men are absolutely hopeless?

At least on Friday, I’ll have a better understanding of what could be more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy, Beautiful People!!! 
> 
> I know this was a shorter chapter, but I wanted it to end at the setup for the next bit. The end is near! I hope that you have had a great few weeks and are amazingly happy because you deserve it! 
> 
> Next Time: Mae goes to Solas' house and finds something she wasn't expecting. 
> 
> Oh! And the orange mock was Alistair calling Solas a liar if you were curious about that.


	24. Dinner

The whole week I vibrated with excitement every time Solas and my eyes met. He held me closer than usual, for longer, during the small times in the office we could steal. We had been trying to be more discreet. Dorian had warned me about a professor and a postdoc _fraternizing_ , but if he didn’t see it or have any complaints, then he trusted our judgement. Solas and I still lunched out together; the times lingered like we were both holding on to the peace that it brought.

Friday, when I get home from work, Zevran is humming in my bedroom.

Of course, my closet is flung open and various outfits are laying on my bed.

“I thought to dress you exquisitely,” he muses at my clothes, then waltzes over to rummage through my underwear drawer.

I laugh and wonder if it is normal to have my best friend freely look through my underthings. “You always dress me exquisitely.”

“You have been particularly excited for this…event,” Zevran winks.

My heart skips a beat. It could finally be the night that we do more than just kiss or at least we’ll talk and something will happen? It _feels_ like it will be a big night for us. “I’ve never gotten to go to his house,” I say innocently.

The blonde taps a finger against his lips in thought, “I would put money on him being an excellent cook. He takes such care with everything he does.”

“Very true. I’m excited to cook together.”

Zevran’s nose crinkles, “the man should out let you near anything requiring skill in the kitchen. You are not,” He pauses to choose this words, “a skilled chef.”

“I am a perfectly competent cook!” I protest, crossing my arms.

He puts a hand on my shoulder. “I am sorry, my lovely friend, but the truth may sometimes hurt,” he consoles me with a dramatic hanging of his head.

I roll my eyes, but chuckle and thwack his shoulder, “stop insulting me and get back to dressing me. I need to leave soon. Oh! And none of the dresses please. Solas insisted that I dress comfortably so that I can feel more at home and not like I’m just a guest.”

Zevran frowns, “Can you not be comfortable and well dressed?”

“I didn’t say dress me like a hobo, just….no taffeta.”

“Fine, but it pains me that these very expensive dresses just sit in this closet, Mae.” He gently strokes one of my gowns.

“Then you wear them.” I offer with a smirk and go into the bathroom to fix my makeup for the evening.

* * *

I end up in a white floral sweater with jeans and some flats. There wasn’t enough time to fix my hair, so I throw it back in a bun. Zevran was insistent that I wore more necklaces than just my lock so that there was “something” in the outfit.

According to my GPS, Solas lives on the other side of town from Dorian, but still a little way out.

There are a bunch of medium size cottage style homes lined up prettily on his street. All different colors of neutral with slightly different trimmings.

I like it.

I park on the street across from what I think is his home. I never feel comfortable parking in someone’s driveway. You never know if maybe he’ll need his car or something.

 _Here! I think._  I text him quickly, standing across from an olive-green house.

The weather is warming up, so for the first time in months I get to wear just a jacket instead of a coat. It’s fantastic.

The door of the olive cottage opens and Solas’ smile greets me. He holds up a hand, making me pause from walking toward him and jogs over after very carefully checking to make sure no cars were coming.

“Some of my neighbors fly down this street. I have complained multiple times, but I thought it better to escort you over and explain instead of the potential of you finding out for yourself,” He frowns, but holds out a hand for me. “I am glad that you have come.”

“Of course,” I smile and lace my fingers with his. “Thank you for coming to accompany me.”

Solas squeezes my hand in a somewhat apologetic way and, again looking carefully, leads me back to his house. He holds the door open for me and takes my coat, giving me a little kiss before he hangs it. It takes him two tries to get the garment on the hanger. He must be nervously excited too.

“I brought you some wine,” I hold up a little wine bag to him.

He blushes a little, “thank you.” This time he kisses me in earnest, running his hands along my sides, resting them on my waist.

The house smells like wonderful food…but at the same time smells confusing? I am picking up a cacophony of very strong spices that have no business being together. What _is_ he cooking?

The decorations favor a modern aesthetic with wood, and metal, but the fabrics are warm neutral colors.

He leads me into the kitchen. Around the well-equipped kitchen is a backsplash that sort of looks like cork? And there on the marbled counters are the culprits of the smells: Solas has made basically a dish from every category of food. Nevarran, something extremely green, Antivan, some sort of stew...?

Solas rubs his forehead, “I was not certain what you would like…I may have gotten carried away.”

“I would say so.” I blink in surprise, “Wasn’t I supposed to help?”

He fidgets, “I…well yes. I find that keeping my hands busy….um…busies…. my… mind.” Solas presses his lips together, little lines of annoyance forming in his brow, “you could help me dice some toppings for the salad?”

I nod and he goes to set me up a little station.

To be honest, the myriad scents are starting to give me a headache. No one should put all of this in one room.

Solas goes to pour us some wine and get to chopping some small green onion. Once he comes back, he just sort of lingers right behind me, watching. “Maybe you could just shred some cheese instead.”

“If you’d like me to,” I frown, but allow him to move me elsewhere.

He steps away to stir something on the stove and then comes back to hover.

“Perhaps it would be better if—“

“Did Zevran tell you I couldn’t even shred cheese?!” I look at him with an accusing glare.

Solas looks taken aback, “…No…”

“Oh. Because I can,” I protest quietly and pull at an errant lock of my hair.

The older man brushes a hand along my cheek, “I apologize for making you uncomfortable. Dinner should be ready soon. I trust you do takeover whatever part of the preparation you desire.”

“You do, do you?” I tease, resting a hand on his chest and kissing his cheek.

His laughter vibrates beneath my palm. It’s not quite fully pleased.  “One thing at a time.” Solas holds me tightly, resting his head on top of mine. Relaxed, but tense at the same time.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I reassure him.

“I thought you were going to return to your meal preparation,” he responds with a small smile.

“Sassy,” I shake my head fondly.

I finish grating the cheese and go back to chop the onion. The pounding in my head is starting to get distracting. I can’t rightly _say_ anything; he went through so much work to prepare everything and seems so nervous. 

This time I catch him watching me from the stove. While I was prepping, he donned a grey apron over this blue plaid shirt and jeans. There is a sort of wistful happiness on his face. I dare say that he is admiring me whilst I chop.

“Can I help you?” I look over with a playful smile.

He doesn’t seem ashamed to be caught, “you are…to have you here with me. It is beyond anything I could have hoped.” As his eyes scan me again, something sad settles in them.

“I’m very happy to be here with you, Solas.”

He drums his fingers on the counter and takes a long drink of wine, “that should about do it for the food. I’ll dress the salad and we are ready.”

I need to sneak some painkiller before we sit down to eat. Of course, Zevran insisted that I switch purses and I forgot to bring my little container of pills. An idea strikes me, “will you point me in the direction of your bathroom?”

“Down the hall and to the right,” he gestures past the living room.

When I get there and flick on the lights, they burn out. I yelp.

“Mae?” Solas’ concerned voice comes from the kitchen.

“It’s fine, the lights just blew. Is there another bathroom?” I ask back.

He is quiet for a moment, “I can run down to the basement and reset the fuse.”

“Solas, dinner is about to be ready.” I half pout.

Another silence, “if you continue down the hall, you’ll find my room. The master bath should be fine.” He comes down the hall, “A moment.” Solas does a quick scan of the bathroom before nodding and gesturing for me to enter, “no embarrassing messes.”

“Thank you!” I kiss his cheek and pop inside.

I wait a minute and then flush the toilet. While the water is running I quietly open the medicine cabinet that is fixed to the wall. The first side holds random things like his shaving things and some medications, but no painkiller.

I frown and pop open the second side.

Something swings down from the door. I ignore it, instead finding victory in some pills for my headache. With a little swig from the sink, I’m ready to go.

As I reach for whatever it was that fell…I finally notice what it is.

It’s a key on a necklace.

Odd.

I wonder what it unlocks….

Wait.

I wrap my hand around the key and its chain. The weight is familiar. The design is familiar. I _know_ ….I can’t know.

I turn the key around in my palm and read on the back, “I love you always, your little one.”

My heart drops into my stomach.

It couldn’t. Can’t.

This whole time?

It doesn’t make sense. Wouldn’t I have noticed? The ball and the conference? What about all those weekends? He….

I feel numb.

I take the key out of the cabinet and wrap it in my palm, hiding it. Maybe if I can’t see it then it will just go away.  

Maybe it’s a bizarre coincidence.

Maybe I’ve just gone insane.

Deep inside, I know it’s not.

“Solas?” I ask at the door to the kitchen, not quite remembering getting there.

“Hm?” He responds looking up from the stove. His brows knit together, “Mae, you seem pale. Are you alright? Let me get you some water.”

“I—“ I shake my head, “just stop, please.”

“Mae, you look like you have taken ill. Sit down and I will bring you something to drink,” Solas says with a little bit of a familiar demandingness in his voice that I hadn’t truly noticed before.

“Yes,” I pause and make sure he meets my eyes, “Solas.”

He stills, “Mae?”

I let out a shaky breath and walk up to him. I pull his face down to mine with my free hand and stare directly into his eyes. I’d thought maybe I just had a type: blue eyed. I put my hand on his face so that my palm covers part of his forehead and my thumb ends at the bottom of his eye…sort of making a mask shape around it. How had I never noticed?

“Mae?” Solas asks with increased worry.

I pull my hand away and it dangles limply at my side. “I need you to explain something to me.”

He nods, “al—alright.”

As if of its own accord, my fist raises and opens, letting the key dangle. “What is this, Solas?” I whisper.

Solas pales, “why were you rummaging in my things?”

“What. Is. This?” I ask again.

He seems to pull into himself, his head hangs slightly. “I believe you already know what it is, Mae.”

“Why, Solas? You _lied_ to me.”

“Only by omission,” Solas responds defensively, straightening slightly.

I blink a few times in surprise, “That’s still a lie.”

He is silent, watching.

“Alright, fine. Are you Fen’harel?” I ask directly.

Solas closes his eyes, “yes.” His answer is barely audible.

“It has been _months_. You have lied to me for months!” I half laugh and cover my mouth. “Gods, I am so stupid.”

“Mae, you did nothing wrong. I am completely at fault. You are not stupid. I never lied outright…I--”

I can feel my eyes stinging, “what were the chances that two men who didn’t know my past wanted me? Further, what were the chances that they were the same person? So…if we take the number of masters at Eluvian at one time….and consider the population of people in Lothering that I know—“

“Slim. The changes were statistically insignificant,” Solas cuts me off.

“We had already slept together the first day I met you,” I realize with a shock. “You still…you _knew_ me and still Fen’harel-ed me. You bought me salad…”

Solas takes a cautious step toward me, “I vowed to not let my two identities conflict. You needed someone like Fen’harel…someone that I thought I was not. I was determined to remain professional outside of that relationship.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“I would never take you under false pretenses,” he insists, “I restrained myself when we were together without the masks.”

“You could only stomach being with me when your face was covered,” I frown.  

“No, Mae, I could not allow the possibility that I would be taking advantage of you,” He rubs his hands over his face. “You agreed to the contract with Fen’harel. Nothing else.”

I run my fingers along the necklace in my hand and the one around my neck, “But, Satinalia? The conference? My _couch_?!”

“I have never felt this way about anyone before. You are…everything. I had not anticipated this. I had trouble reconciling the various aspects of my personality...”

“This whole time. You could have—should have told me!” I stammer.

Solas reaches out for my hand, “I know. I should have told you a million times before. I hadn’t fully understood--”

“You _used_ me,” I choke out over the lump in my throat.

His eyes flash, “I did no such thing. I will admit to handling the situation poorly. I will not accept that accusation. I cared for you with every part of my being, sacrificing myself at the same time. I was what you needed.”

“Did you ever think to _ask_ me what I needed?” I look at the floor. What _did_ I need? I don’t know.

Maybe it didn’t matter.

When has what I thought ever mattered?

At least he wasn’t with the Inquisition.

“I was doing what I thought was best for you based on the needs you presented to me,” Solas softly responds.

“All I needed was you. All of you,” I blink away tears. “I’m sorry, I need to leave.”

My heart is falling to pieces. I actually thought that someone wanted me, maybe even loved me. _Either_ of them…him? would have been enough…more than enough.

I guess this shouldn’t surprise me.

When have _I_ ever been enough for someone?

I set his necklace on the table and go to remove mine with my shaking hands. It takes a few tries, but I manage to remove the locket for the first time since I was given it.

“Mae, please. Please don’t go.” He takes a shaky breath, “I love you.”

I place my lock next to his key and take a step back. His words smack me in the face. He had never said that he loved me directly. It was always “you are loved” or some other bullshit.

Does it even matter anymore? What if he _had_ said it? He still lied.

Solas reaches out for me, nearly desperate, “I can fix this. Let me fix it! I love you with every fiber of my soul.”

“I’m sorry,” I whimper, “I can’t do this right now”.

I bolt out of the house, grabbing my purse from the counter on my way. My coat can wait.   

“Mae, wait!” Solas shouts.

I can hear him running after me.

I can’t look at him or think about any of this anymore.

Maybe never again.

“Mae!!”

As my feet hit asphalt, I hear a strange screeching.

Something hits me, inflicting a large amount of pain.

It feels like I’m flying….

…and then nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people!!! I hope that you have had a great couple months! I also hope that your holiday season is going well! I know it's a super stressful time of year, but you are magical and strong and it'll be done soon! <3
> 
> Sorry for being away and not updating for so long. My semester got really crazy and I had some health problems (No worries! After far too many tests and a bit of trial and error, we figured it out and I'm feeling much better). 
> 
> I hope to get another chapter up next week. Thank you so much for sticking with me and this story. I hope that you continue to enjoy it and that the wait ends up being worth it.


	25. Awake

I wake to a steady beeping.

Slowly, as I open my eyes, I have this feeling of muted pain. I groan and try to stretch out, but my left leg and left forearm are both hindered. A sharp wave of pain flows, making me yelp.

“Well, it’s nice to see that you’re awake,” an unfamiliar man’s voice greets me. A tall blonde man with honeyed eyes is smiling softly at me. He’s writing on a medical chart.

I look around without moving my head, fearing more discomfort, and sure enough, I’m in a hospital room.

“I am Dr. Anders. You were in an accident. Can you tell me your name?” he gives me an encouraging nod.

“Maellana Lavellan. 26. Uncertain of the events which brought me here,” I recite to him just so that he knows that I’m fully lucid.

The Doctor jots something down, “You were hit by a vehicle that was driving far above the speed limit as you crossed the street. Emergency services arrived quickly. Once you arrived here we reset your arm and leg. Your body was under a great deal of stress from the impact, so we kept you asleep for two days. Welcome back to the land of the waking.”

I breath out heavily though my nose, “that was…thorough. Doctor, how much longer will I have to stay?”

“Just Anders,” he sighs, “I’m not sure. We’ll keep you for another day or so to make sure there isn’t anything we’ve missed. Run a few more tests.”

I run my uninjured hand along my forehead. It is bruised in some places; it’s not pretty.

“You have some visitors who would like to see you. I’d prefer that you ate something and were awake for at least a half hour before we invite them in. Luckily, visiting times start in an hour. I think you can manage it,” he winks.

“At least someone has faith in me,” I half laugh.

He presses a button, assumedly to get me some food. “The EMTs reported that they were told you ran into the road. Do you remember what happened?”

I furrow my brow. What _had_ happened? “I was upset…an argument?” Then it all floods back to me, “Gods. Solas!”

“Did he hurt you?” Anders asks with a medical calmness, but has his hand already reaching for the phone at his waist. 

“Ye—No. He…we…I needed some distance…so I ran,” I clarify.

Anders makes a note on my board instead, “clear as mud. Well, no one can hurt you here. If you need any assistance—“

“Really, I’m fine.”

A knock at the door from the little food cart saves me from having to talk about this anymore.

“I’ll be back in half an hour,” Anders smiles and leaves the room.

I rest my head back on the pillow and let out a long breath. How did this happen to me?

“You do not look half as poorly as I had imagined,” Zevran’s bemused voice suddenly greets me.

Somehow, he made it nearly to my bedside and I hadn’t noticed.

I give him the best smile that I can muster, “I assure you, were it not for these casts I’d be ready for a nice dance.”

He sighs and pats my hand, “my friend, what _happened_ to you? Your Solas is being rather vague about what occurred between you. Cars, dinner, something being his fault.”

My lower lips trembles as I tell Zevran the truth, “Zev, Solas is Fen’harel.”

Zevran’s expression does not change, “Yes, I am aware.”

“You knew?!” I gasp, feeling betrayed.

“Absolutely, I thought it was some game that you—“ One of the blonde’s brows quirks up, “…you did not know?”

I shake my head, “I had no idea. I mean, in retrospect, there were signs that I just didn’t register.”

Zevran holds up a casual hand, “Excuse me.” He then prowls out of the room.

“Zevran? Zevran!? What are you doing?!”

I almost don’t want to know…really, I have no way of knowing until he gets back. So, I eat. I can’t believe how hungry I actually am.

As I nibble on my bland sandwich, I try to work through some of the…situation.

What I know: Solas is Fen’harel. He has known that I was both his coworker and…special friend since my first day of work. He decided to not inform me of this. He loves me. He deceived me.

What I don’t know: How did this happen? Why? Where does Fen’harel end and Solas begin?

My chest hurts more from heartbreak than from what is probably broken ribs. I try to sooth the pain with my chocolate pudding.

Outside of the door, I hear something that should definitely not be happening in a hospital.

“You son of a bitch!” A man growls. Then, there is the sound of something hitting something else. It is a sickening thud laced with a crack.

“Oh no…stop…violence is so deplorable,” Zevran says halfheartedly; I can almost picture him examining his fingernails while he leans up against the wall and doesn’t help at all.

“You could have killed her!” The angry man yells again…. Alistair?

“I am more aware of that than you could possibly imagine,” a slow, defeated, baritone responds.

More scuffling.

“That’s it!” Anders shouts, “Not in my wing and not near my patient.”

“Anders?” The previously yelling man wonders.

“Yes, _Your Highness_ ,” Anders says with something nearing mockery.

A lively way to enter into visiting hours. I have too much on my mind to deal with whatever this nonsense is.

“Enough!” I roar out the door. “All of you in here. Now!”

I _was_ good at my job with the Inquisition sometimes.

Zevran struts inside and stands at the foot of my bed looking not the least bit contrite.

Alistair follows, massaging his knuckles and looking somewhat like he got caught in the cookie jar. He gives me a sheepish smile, “Hello, Mae.”

Solas is nearly pushed inside by Anders, “you heard the lady,” Anders says quietly.  

The tall, older man looks unnaturally pale—except for the quickly forming bruise on his cheek and strikingly dark circles beneath his eyes. It’s as if he hasn’t slept for days. He is still wearing the same clothes from dinner two days prior.

Anders takes up a position by my headboard with his arms crossed like he is some sort of body guard while the other three are lined up at my feet.

“It is visiting hours, yes?” I ask Anders.

He nods.

“Well, I think it is time that we all visit.”  I rub my forehead, careful not to touch anywhere that hurts. Just the thought of interrogating everyone makes me tired.

Anders speaks kindly to me, “Only one person at a time, those are the visiting rules; we are currently breaking them, but I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“Perhaps I should go first.” Zevran volunteers, “I am the least vexing of those present.”

“Highly debatable,” I half smile back at him.

 Dr. Anders frowns, “I should have a look at that shiner, make sure nothing is fractured.”

Solas speaks quietly, meeting Anders’ gaze with a sort of resolve, “I assure you I am fine. It pains me little.”

Zevran reaches over and pokes Solas’ face, provoking something between a hiss and a yelp from the older man. “Oops.”

I’m about to scold him when, “Miss Lavellan?” A nurse says from the doorway, “You have a visitor. Doctor Anders, may I ask why there are three people already in here?”

Anders shrugs innocently, “they were all very excited to see their friend. How could I deny them a moment to greet her?”

“Well, if the three of you will come back out into the hall, that would be fantastic,” the woman says with an edge to her kind request.

The men shuffle out. I notice Solas goes the same direction as Anders while the other two turn left. Maybe he is going to get himself checked out.

Another knock comes at the edge of the open door. Mr. Blackwall is standing there with a small bouquet of flowers, “she says I have fifteen minutes.”

I smile, “please, come in.” He comes closer and I can see his name tag. “It’s nice to meet you Thom Rainier.” He looks the like he always does, but at the same time seems different to me. Thom. I wonder if it is short of Thomas or if he is just a ‘Thom’.

Blackwall blushes a bit, “thank you, Miss Mae. I cannot tell you how relieved I am to see you. You took quite a hit.”

The feeling of the casts on my limbs make my nose crinkle in annoyance, “so it seems…and in more ways than just the car.” The reality of my love life was also shattered.

Blackwall glowers and appears somewhat guilty. “I told him to tell you as soon as I picked you up from the conference in Denerim. The two of you were separating to meet again; there was no reason for it…unless he had not unmasked himself, as it were.” Blackwall sighs and sits in a chair at my side. “He assured me that the relationships were not overlapping. Then, a few months later, when I picked you up from the university…it was clear he was still lying…he told me he was planning on telling you, but was waiting for the right time. I feared at this point there would never be a right time…” His voice drops off and he pats the flowers that he rested in his lap, “I am sorry. This is perhaps not the time. Are you feeling well? Can I get you anything?”

I reach out with my free hand and touch his arm, “it’s alright. I want to know…need to know, please.”

“For the past two days, I have been wondering if this could have been avoided if I had just pushed him harder.”

“He is nothing if he is not stubborn. You couldn’t have changed his mind,” I reassure him.

Blackwall half smiles, “thank you, Mae. I…I feel partly your protector. It started as part of my relationship with him, but…it became my own desire…Mae…I…. I do not condone what he did.”

“I should hope not.”

He huffs a dark laugh and sobers again, “You are aware that I used to be a sad, lonely man who ended up making terrible mistakes. After time and effort and help, I became better...still am trying to be better. When you are faced with losing everything you are given a choice: you continue your path and end miserable or you decide that you do not know best and endeavor to be worthy.”

I frown, “you are a good man, Thom.”

“It means a great deal that you think so.” Blackwall looks up with a soft concern in his eyes, “you don’t ever have to speak to him again if you do not wish. Honestly, were I in your shoes, I might do the same. Solas has arrived at the choice: he almost lost everything he cares about… in a very permanent way. He made some appalling decisions that lead us all here...and he knows it. I am not sure if he will force himself to be miserable or to become better…”

The bearded man takes a deep breath, “I am indescribably angry with him.”

“He said he loved me,” I whisper, not quite able to scoff at the admission.

“He does,” Blackwall asserts, “and he would do anything to keep you safe and happy…he has his head so far up his arse and what _ought_ to be that he loses sight of what is right in front of him. I can tell him to leave when they kick me out if you’d like.”

No. I don’t want Solas to leave…at least not until I have some explanation of why he thought this was okay and how we got here. I need to know. No more secrets. “No, he has some explaining to do before I kick him out.”

Blackwall nods.

“I am sorry to interrupt, but your time is up, Mr. Rainier. You may wait in the appointed area for another opening if you would like,” the nurse says from the hall.

He stands up and gives me a fatherly kiss on the top of my head, “if there is anything you need, you know how to find me. And Mae? If I can succeed at being better, then he can too.”

“Thank you,” I give him a soft smile as he walks out of the room.

“Who should I send in next for you?” the nurse asks, “I’ll keep them moving, you’re probably tired.”

“Zevran, and…maybe not so much of a timer on the meetings?” I request, “I find that their company greatly raises my spirits.” It is not quite a lie, but also neglects to mention that I sincerely need to speak with them.

She smiles kindly, “as you wish. I’ll still keep an eye on you though.”

A minute or so later, Zevran traipses into the room, “Hello again!”

“I can’t believe you knew!” I grumble and cross my arms.

Zevran plops down on the side of my bed, careful to not disturb my body. “I cannot believe you did not know,” he sighs and picks at some of the leftover lunch on the rolling table near my feet.

My brows raise, incredulous, “Are you blaming me for this?!”

“Never,” Zevran says calmly. He turns to face be better and gently pats my thigh. “I saw the two of you together both with masks and without. The way you interacted…. the way he spoke of you when it was just him and me alone…I thought it was some kinky fun the two of you had. Not discussing it.” His steady voice edges with something dangerous, “it appears I was misled.”

Of course, lies of omission. I look up at the ceiling and groan. “Zevran, I don’t know what to do. I…everything hurts.”

‘Yes,” he nods sympathetically, “you were hit by a car traveling at high speeds.”

“Sassy,” I grumble.

Zevran smirks, “My darling Mae, if I were you, I would…well…let us say that I would not be kind to the man.”

I recall Zev’s warning Solas that he would cause serious trouble for Solas if he hurt me. What that means is still unclear, but um….is definitely concerning. “Hey, so when you—“  

Zevran holds a finger up to his lips, quieting me.

My jaw sets into a stubborn, but quiet, line.

The blonde points to the hallway door and mouths ‘listen’.

“No.” Alistair says firmly.

“Let me pass. She deserves better than what I have done.” Solas replies with a sad ferocity.

Alistair scoffs, “Yep. She does.”

Solas’ voice raises slightly, “Then let me leave. She will never have to hear from me again.”

“She said she will speak to us individually when she is ready. Until then? We wait.” Alistair does not alter his tone to match Solas’, rather he is…well…very kingly about it.

“There is nothing I could say. I…she was almost gone. I—“

“Did you push her into the street?” Alistair interrupts

“No, but—“

“Then this isn’t your fault,” Ali chuckles darkly, “Don’t give yourself so much credit.”

“We see the situation differently.” Solas replies flatly.

I can practically hear Alistair roll his eyes. “ _You_ see it wrong. Mae wants to see us. What Mae wants _matters_.” The King’s diplomatic tone slides into something dangerously angry, “You don’t get to run away from this, not until she says you can. You owe her that much. She deserves to have whatever questions she has for you answered. I warned you multiple times and you stayed. You made your choice, now you will live with it.”

It almost sounds like some sort of sentencing.

Solas appears to be at a loss for words, “I—Mae…she deserves someone like you…Why do you not just let me leave?! Have her as your Queen” He snarls, then quickly loses the heat in his voice, “Treat her well. Be done with it.”

“I agree. Mae _does_ deserve someone like me,” Alistair replies matter of factly, “but I will not make that decision for her. This whole mess was caused by _your_ not caring about what she wanted. I will not allow you to do it again. Not now. Not like this. Someone else doesn’t get to abandon her without her at least knowing first.”

I hear Solas heave a sigh and follow it with something like a sniffle.

Alistair clears his throat uncomfortably, “I do not care for you in the least, but Mae…I would do anything to ensure her happiness. You stay.”

Zevran looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

My jaw is dropped in surprise. Solas was going to go…just…go away and leave me with nothing?! No explanation?

Bastard.

And Alistair…

“So, you are in line to become…” Zevran stops and his brow furrows slightly, “Are you going to marry our Ali?”

I shift uncomfortably in the bed, “I—" I had said no because I wanted to see what happened with Solas…Fen’harel…ugh. I wanted to know if someone who didn’t know me could actually love me and want me as I am…

“I don’t know,” I barely breathe. “He asked me a few months ago, and then again at the wedding…I delayed it for…for _him_ …and now…Now, I feel stupid.”

“Why is that?” Zevran wonders, holding my hand between his.

I press my lips together and look up to try to stop tears from falling. “Because I asked a king to wait so that I could date someone who was lying to me the whole time. And it’s not just any king, it’s Alistair. I could be the Queen. I could be forever free of the Inquisition. I could do whatever I wanted…and I said ‘sorry, maybe this guy I’m boning likes me enough to be a better option.’”

“I do doubt that is what you told him,” my friend half laughs. “Mae,” he continues with a sincerity that is rarely openly shown by Zevran, “There would be some undeniable benefits. However, it is not necessary for you to be part of that world anymore. Alistair would not be happy if you were unhappy.” A smirk settles back on his face, “I am not one to tout the benefits of love, but I am sure there exist some…”

A feeling bubbles up inside of me…like it had been there all along, but was finally being allowed to come to the surface. My skin tingles as I speak. “If I became the Queen…I could make us _all_ free of the Inquisition. I know the way they operate. Many of their contacts would be more interested in supporting me than them. It’s what Leliana is trying to prevent! I could save the Circles and gain political power for the elves and stop their attempts at tyranny!” I ramble, suddenly overcome with purpose.

I could start a rebellion! ….I could start a rebellion?

I can.

Zevran studies me, “you have hit your head quite hard, my friend. Perhaps talks of revolution are best saved for later.”

“Zev, I’m serious. I’ve been so caught up in this dumpster fire that has been my life that I didn’t realize what _good_ I could do! I can finally do things!”  They tried so hard to make me powerless, but really what they did was hide inside of me all the tools I needed to be powerful. I just hadn’t seen it until everything else was stripped away.

…but he did. Fen’har—Solas…he saw me.

I’ve been here all along and…well…I like feeling like I can _do_ something.

“This is rather abrupt,” He worries, “I am quite serious, should I ask for the doctor?”

I shake my head and giggle, “sometimes you face a choice and you either keep going and stay miserable or you do something better. I’m going to be better.” I haven’t felt so good in years—aside from the whole being in the hospital. Everything was lost to me...if only for a few moments...and now...I choose everything over nothing. 

“I do not think that is exactly what Blackwall meant,” Zevran hums in thought.

“Can you just please pretend you don’t have everywhere I go bugged or something!?” I slap my hand on the blankets in frustration.

He nods slowly, clearly ignoring my outburst. I can practically see him working through decision trees in his eyes. Then his eyes lock onto mine, “then we shall start planting our seeds of discontent, yes? If this is still your desire once you are well, then I am at your service.”

“Please do not tell me that you have a very particular set of skills. I don’t want to know, Zev. I’ll trust you to use your talents however you think is best,” I say quickly.

Zevran quiets, listening for something that I cannot hear. “Hm. I think it is perhaps time that I trade places with His Royal Highness. I think the two of you have much to discuss. I will keep my eye on the wolf.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! I hope you all had a great holiday! Mine was pretty busy, but it was nice seeing family. Also, welcome to the beginnings of the ending I hadn't planned, but sort of all clicked together in my mind a chapter ago. You are great and I really appreciate your support and reading. You are the best! 
> 
> Next time: Mae talks to Alistiar and Solas.


	26. Majesty

Zevran offers to braid my hair before he leaves. Apparently, it will “give me some semblance of wellness”. He helps me sit up and gently runs his fingers through the tangled locks, quickly plaiting it together and tying it off with the band that was holding up his own bun.

He kisses my forehead, “please do not scare me like this again, my friend. It is a thing I cannot keep you from… I do not like it.”

“I will do my best to not suffer extreme physical trauma again, unless you are somewhere near to try to stop it from happening,” I solemnly swear to him.

“Good,” Zevran nods, “it is all I ask.”

He gives my hand a squeeze and glides out of the room to get Alistair.

I roll my shoulders around as best I can; laying still is hard work.

Alistair comes into the room hesitantly, but with a handsome smile. “Good Afternoon, Lady Mae!”

“Hello again, your Highness,” I smile and gesture with my head for him to sit next to me.

I reach out and take his hand in mine. It is bruised at the knuckles, presumably from where he punched Solas in the face. “Is this how you run a country? With hitting?”

He blushes and looks down at our hands. He just barely squeezes my hand, like he is afraid of doing me any further damage. “Um….it was a royal pat…” Alistair knows he is in trouble.

“I see: a royal pat.” I respond flatly.

“I know. It was…I…” He groans and rubs the hand not holding mine through his hair, “I’ll pay for his checkup. It was uncalled for and very unkingly. I just…I was so afraid, Mae.”

I raise my eyebrow, “well, I’m glad that you understand that it was a poor choice.” He has fear hidden in his eyes and it makes me lose my bluster. I pull his hand to my lips and press a light kiss to the knuckles.

Alistair winces at the contact.

“We should get some ice for you. Make sure you didn’t fracture something on Solas’ amazingly thick skull,” I tease.

He huffs out a self-deprecating laugh, “If I didn’t want my hand to hurt, then I shouldn’t have hit someone.”

“Not a good reason to delay care.” I chide

“I don’t want to bother Anders…” Alistair sighs and looks up at the ceiling. “He was transferred into the mixed company after I left. She recruited him specifically. I can’t say that he particularly like likes me. I wouldn’t want anything to obscure your treatment.”

Someone by the door scoffs, “I am a professional and not a righteous prick like some people in this room. Mae is getting the best care available in Thedas.”

Anders.

“I never would have doubted you, Doctor.” I smile and nod firmly.

“Thank you, Mae.” Anders grins. He tosses Alistair an ice pack.

Alistair looks at it with no small amount of surprise on his face.

Anders rolls his eyes, “I took an oath.” He focuses back on me, “how are you feeling? Any soreness setting in? We can up your pain meds now that you are lucid.”

I shake my head, “I’m doing fine. I’ll make sure to note if anything starts to hurt.”

“Good girl,” Anders grins, “I’ll check back during next rounds.”

He gives Alistair a rather scathing glare as he leaves.

“Wow.” I laugh, “that was so long ago!”

Alistair frowns and ties the icepack around his knuckles, “I don’t think I can ever fully describe to you just how terribly I handled that situation.”

“Well, I just found out Solas was actually the other guy I had been sleeping with, so at least it wasn’t that bad.” I console him.

“Yes…. that is _particularly_ bad…”

“So,” I say lightly, patting his arm, “are you going to admit to me that you knew and didn’t tell me or am I going to have to lay out for you all the ways that I know you knew and remind you that you failed to inform me.”

He looks at me with only slightly wide eyes. His shoulders roll down and he takes a breath. “I was going to tell you.”

I bark a laugh.

Alistair holds up a hand to stop me, his face sober and uncharacteristically serious. “I was. I would not lie to you. After the conference in Denerim, I ran a cursory check on him to make sure he wasn’t Inquisition or secretly some axe murderer or anything. I left it at that.”

The way he says he left it alone makes me think that he didn’t quite leave it at that, but I choose to not say anything.

“Then the wedding. Mae, I was _joking_ when I was asking who he was. I had assumed it was Solas and then you were so earnest in your not knowing who he was. I had my team give me a more thorough report. Eluvian came up. They had read his dissertation and gone from there. Fen’harel. And you…had no idea.”

I close my eyes and nod, “the flowers.”

“The flowers.” He repeats, then continues. “He needed to be held responsible for keeping the truth from you and to know I knew. If he wasn’t going to tell you, then I would. But you deserved to hear the truth from him and not from me.”

“I found it myself,” I state. “Then, I ran away and got hit by a car.”

Alistair grimaces, “and thus, we are in this present situation.”   

We are silent for a few moments.

“Are you okay?” He asks quietly, taking my hand in his unbruised one.

“Nope.” I whisper.

He studies my face and then his eyes dart up to the wall. Ali grins broadly, “you have a great many deal of admirers. Look at all the bouquets.”

I hadn’t really looked around the room yet, but he is right. There are flowers everywhere. My jaw drops.

Alistair laughs, “would you like me to read your cards to you?”

He grabs Blackwall’s….Thom’s flowers from my bedside and grabs a plastic cup from a tray in the corner of the room. He dumps some of my drinking water into it and then puts the flowers in their makeshift vase.

The king is very pleased with himself, holding up the arrangement and gesturing to it in victory.

I giggle, “yes, please! Who would even—“

“Apparently, half of Thedas?” He grins.

Alistair grabs the first card. It’s on a large arrangement full of multiple kinds of pink and yellow flowers. “Wishing you a fast recovery. You’ll have to visit when you are well. Skyhold is a great deal to manage as Inquisitor. I don’t know how you did it. Love, Cullen and Cassandra.” He goes on to list some flower meanings—or a random set of words, “joy and friendship, loving thoughts. Oh! And good health.”

“Well, that is very nice,” I say carefully. I’m still not really sure what to make of the interactions I had with Cullen.   

He laughs suddenly at an even larger arrangement. It is the Inquisition’s colors. You couldn’t miss that is who it’s from. “It very deliberately says nothing at all. Not even a card. Ah, Leliana.”

Alistair picks up a letter sitting amongst an arrangement that is entirely baby’s breath tied with a light blue ribbon. It is both trendy and classic at the same time. I actually really like it. “It’s from Vivienne.”

“Are you going to read it?”

He hits the letter against his hand, “if you would like me to.”

“Please.” I snuggle down into my pillow.

“Oh, she has very neat penmanship.” He clears his throat, “Mae, I am terribly sorry to have heard about your accident. I made some calls and am pleased to offer you a position as an assistant research professor here at the university. You will be my direct report. A mind like yours should be supported and developed.” Alistair pauses and lets out a sharp breath, “Regarding the breach of university protocol by Professor Revas that was brought to the attention of the board of regents by an anonymous tip; you have nothing to fear from retribution. He has been placed on leave and will be subject to review by the university’s ethics board. I wish you a speedy recovery and hope to visit you soon. Warm Regards, Vivienne.”

“…..what?” I gasp.

Alistair puts down the letter, “You have a full paid assistantship under the supervision of Dr. DeFer next year.”

“What does she know?” I look at him accusingly, “Who was the anonymous tip?”

He raises his hand half way up, “There is a reason that professors are not supposed to engage in relationships with their students; your work and standing becomes subject to their power. The board only knows that he was engaging with a student in an inappropriate way. Vivienne is an outstanding academic and when she called me—Maker knows how she found my number—and asked for support for you, I, of course, said yes.”

I am not quite angry with him. “I can’t believe you called the board.” He got me a job and security.

“Someone needed to make sure this didn’t happen again. He knew what he was doing and will face the consequences.” Alistair flops back into the chair next to me and rubs his face with both hands, “And…Maker preserve me. You are now no longer his student in any way. If you—Andraste help me—if for some reason, you decide to take back up with him…it will _technically_ be within the boundaries of the rules.”

“You…you did that for me?” I say in a soft voice.

“I want you to be happy, Mae.” He answers with a simply honestly. A little smirk appears on his lips, “and it is a job that you can do from anywhere with a good library. The palace has an excellent one.”

I tap my fingers on my thigh and then hold my hand out, asking for his. “Did _you_ bring me flowers, your Majesty?”

Alistair’s hand is warm and slightly calloused even after being out of the military for so many years. “Yes, I brought you flowers.” He points to what looks like a window box full of planted flowers instead of cut ones.

“What do they say?” I wonder.

The thoughts of rebellion ring louder in my mind. I can trust him. Even after all this I can trust Alistair. He even set it up so I could choose to be with Solas and work if I wanted to…if Solas doesn’t get fired.

He gives me a lopsided grin, “it’s no fun if I tell you what _mine_ say.”

 “Are you really going to make me go look it up?” I winkle my nose in annoyance. “I don’t know if I have wifi here. Where is my phone?”

“You have a beautiful spirit, you are lightness. Larkspur.” Alistair begrudgingly responds with a sort of dreamy whisper. “You are lovely. Gardenia, but your worth is beyond beauty: Amaryllis. You are gracious in everything and so strong, Mae. Snapdragon.”  He blushes bright pink, “can I stop now, please?”

The sincerity of his description makes me forget that I’m in pretty bad shape, laying in a hospital bed. “Alistair…”

He sits forward and brushes a kiss against the tips of my fingers. “I got the call that you were in the hospital while I was on a visit to the Anderfels. I couldn’t come immediately…I had information being sent to me as soon as anyone knew anything, but I was terrified that you would…that I might never see you again. I…”

I pull his hand so that he will come closer.

Alistair scoots the chair closer, but it’s at an odd height, so he stands up and half sits on the bed.

“I’m still here. Apparently, I am very difficult to kill.” I tease and put his palm against my cheek.

“Not amusing, Mae,” he glowers.

His large, warrior’s hand dwarfs my face. He could nearly palm my entire head. For being so large he is very gentle. His thumb caresses carefully along my skin. I reach up, not quite reaching his face. It’s too much stretching for me. Alistiar chuckles and leans down so that I can mirror his touch.

We sit there looking at one another. It’s not awkward, but it doesn’t feel overly romantic…at least not to me.

“Mae…I…I would really like to kiss you, if I may,” Alistair requests.

“Yes,” I barely breathe.

My pulse races as he leans down. I am so unsure of this…all of this. A kiss...the possibility of a  political marriage waiting in the wings…

Alistair takes the utmost care to avoid touching me in any way that could be painful. Amber eyes dart around my face as he leans in, nervous, but intent. I close my eyes and his lips meet mine in a tender, chaste kiss. It feels genuine and safe. Feels like him…

My heart just barely flutters. It…it could be something eventually.

He pulls away after a respectable amount of time.

“Marry me, Alistair.” I blurt out. This was not exactly how I would have preferred to bring this up. Maybe I am being more influenced by the meds than I had originally thought.

His lips part in surprise, “what?”

“Marry me.” I say again, this time with more strength.

Alistair is quiet. His brows slightly furrowed. In an instant, he laughs, “You sure do know the way to woo a man. Near death after finding out your lover is lying, then proposing? You might be worse at this whole thing than I am and I never said I was good at people or romance…or things in general.”

“I’m serious Alistair.” I hold onto his forearm to punctuate my point.

“Mae,” he sighs with a half-smile.

I breath loudly out of my nose. “Think of what we could do, together.”

Ali does that split-second thinking pause and then waggles his eyebrows suggestively, “Mae, this is neither the time nor the place for innuendo.”

I roll my eyes, “I would be safe from the Inquisition with you. They couldn’t touch me. We could bolster the Circles. You said as much yourself.”

“I did.”

I reach up and he humors me by leaning down so that I can do whatever it is that I’m going to do. I hold onto his chin so I’m sure that he is looking at me. “I want to stop them, Alistair. I want to reverse the foothold they have in Thedas. Don’t you want that too?”

He moves my hand away from his chin, lacing his fingers with mine. “I do want that. They are a threat to the stability of the continent…especially now that Cullen is their talking puppet…no offense.”

“You need a reliable, trustworthy Queen. Someone who will be your equal and help you lead…not that you aren’t doing a great job…We can support one another. Teagan will be thrilled.” I reason.

Alistair presses his lips together in thought. “What about your ‘more’? I’m not…that’s not what I am for you. I’m not complaining. I told you the offer was predicated on mutual respect and our friendship, but I want you to have everything you want.”

I shake my head, “it doesn’t matter. The more doesn’t matter. I am making a choice for me, for Thedas. Maybe you _will_ be more for me.”

He kisses the back of my hand, “the offer still remains that you can take a lover if you would like. It is more normal than not in royal marriages.”

“Details,” I hum. “What matters is that together, we can foil their attempts at tyranny. We both have good relationships with the other nations on our own. We’re charming and well liked. You already have some weird spy network. I have Zevran and my old contacts.”

“Well, actually, Zev—“

“Don’t tell me!” I say forcefully.

He grins wearily, “You have some serious plans, Milady.”

“You know, almost dying will do that to you,” I say innocently.

Alistair shakes his head, in a long-suffering way. “We have already had one Rebel Queen. Things did not end well for her, if you recall.”

“I don’t really care if it ends badly for me; I care that the Inquisition can’t destroy Thedas.”

“ _I_ care if it ends badly for you, Mae,” Alistair frowns.  

I bite at my lower lip, “Ali…”

There is a knock at the door. “Your Highness?” A man in a black suit, clearly some security guy is standing there. “You have a call with Orlais in five minutes.”

Alistair groans, “Thank you, Capitan.”

The man walks away and Alistair returns his attention to me, “You are serious.”

“I am.”

He looks around the room, like somehow the answer is written somewhere for him.

“Kiss me again before you leave?” I ask him.

His attention locks back onto me. Something in him eases. He leans down and kisses me softer this time. It is more lingering and just as sweet.

“We will discuss this again when you are well…ideally when you are less high on pain medications,” He promises as he brushes his lips against my forehead. “I’ll come back tomorrow and I’ll smuggle you in some decent food.”

“You said you weren’t good at this,” I falsely protest.

He laughs and runs his hand along my hair, “good night, Lady Mae.”

“Good night, your Highness.”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "Zevran?" I say to the empty room, "Will you please send Solas in?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Update! Sorry that I've been gone for so long; I did a lot of editing and re-editing of the this chapter and the end of my outline. I'm finally happy with it. Thank you for waiting patiently for the update!!!! I hope that you are well; you are the greatest!   
> Has anyone told you that you're beautiful yet today? Because you absolutely are! 
> 
> Next time: Mae finally confronts Solas


	27. Truth

A slow shuffling of feet can be heard in the hall, it calls to mind all of the novels I’ve read where people are approaching their doom, slow, but determined.

“I believe I know where the door is,” Solas snarks at someone.

“Oh, there are many doors, my friend,” Zevran says in a way where I can tell he is smirking, “I do wonder which one you would prefer to go through.”

“You know exactly which one, I suspect,” Solas sighs.

Zevran pats his back or shoulder or something, “which is why I am here. Wouldn’t want you to get lost.”

“It would be kinder if I left. You don’t—“

“Ah, but you see, it is not my choice. It is Mae’s.” Zevran clicks his tongue, “you and me? We will have our own little conversation later.”

“Oh, goodie.”

I sigh and try to sit up more. Laying down is getting exhausting. I have only been awake for a few hours and I’m already bored of it.

Zevran knocks on my doorframe, “I brought you a present of sorts.”

Solas is standing next to him, eyes downcast.

“How could you have known? It’s exactly what I’ve always dreamed of,” I answer dryly.

The blond hums in thought, “yes, I had heard deceitful lovers were in fashion.”

“Zevran,” I scold toothlessly, “those went out of style years ago.”

I frown and continue, “thank you, Zev. Now please, Solas and I need to speak…. alone.”

I am under no illusions that Zevran won’t be listening in, but at least he won’t mention it to me if I specifically ask to be alone.

“I will remain at your disposal should the need arise,” Zevran nods to me once, raises one of his sharp brows at Solas, and then leaves.

We are silent.

Solas’s gaze is trained on the floor, his posture rolled forward, hands clasped in front of himself.

“So,” I whisper.

He makes no move to respond.

“If you aren’t going to acknowledge me, I wonder why you bothered to come at all,” I growl.

His eyes snap up, “you were without solid medical contacts. I could not have…” he trailed off, then squared his shoulders. He had made some sort of silent choice in his head. “You were badly injured at a time in which you were in my care. I stayed until those better suited to watch over you arrived. At that time my exit was prevented.”

“So you _were_ going to leave,” I say, pressing my lips together to hide my frown.

“I am unwelcome and yet prohibited from leaving,” Solas replies sharply. “I could still leave. Be erased from this place by the time you are released from the hospital. You would never see me again.”

“You wouldn’t allow me to see you when you were standing right in front of me. What difference does the distance make?” I scoff.

Solas’ brow raises, he is getting frustrated, “what is it that you want from me, Maellana?”

What did I want from him? Really there was only one thing I could think of for certain. One thing I required. I cannot make any choice, form any thought until I know.

“The truth,” I say plainly.

He frowns.

“I want to—I need to know, Solas. How did this—You’re Fen’harel? Why? Why did you—what made you think this was okay?” I narrow my eyes, “you owe me that at the very least.”

Solas raises a hand, “let me make it clear that I was never under the illusion that the ruse was ‘okay’. I kept the separation between my parts out of misplaced worry for your well-being.” He shakes his head, “no. It was for my own selfishness. It is entirely my own fault. I am to blame for it.”

I struggle to sit up further on the bed, “how did you become this? How did we get here?”

He stands there for a second, suspended in time and indecisiveness. Solas flexes his hands and then moves to the side of the bed. He reaches out, perhaps to me and stops, dropping his hands to his sides. “Maellana, I—if you would like to sit upright, please allow me to help you or—call in the nurse. You could hurt yourself if you exert yourself too much.” 

I look at his sad face; blue eyes gazing down at his hands. He is trying and seems remorseful, at least now that something went wrong. If he was before…well, I don’t know yet

“Alright,” I whisper. He _did_ ask permission after all.

Solas leans over me and helps me to rest forward against him just far enough that he can pull the pillows up higher. One arm gently wraps around me while the other fluffs behind me. He lays me back down with tender care.

“I did not hurt you, did I? Is this alright now?” Solas mumbles, pressing his lips together worriedly.

His aura is so much closer to that of Solas than Fen’harel. I just still can’t understand. “No. I’m still…just as injured as I started out.” I sigh, “Okay, Solas’harel, enlighten me.”

He bristles at the mixed name. “Where to begin…”

Solas frowns and stands tall again with his hands behind his back. “I was intrigued by cultural creations of space and personas; it was what steered much of my early research career. I wanted to apply those ideas to something innovative, perhaps taboo, make a name for myself early on. I applied the theory to subaltern sexual communities. After months of convincing, I was put into contact with someone called Mythal. She was the leader of Eluvian. I read contract after contract. Book after book. She required quite the literature review. Finally, she invited me into the fold. I would be able to observe and participate—if I desired—in this community.”

“Mutt,” he half-smiles, “is what she called me. I had never been a part of anything like this, but having joined it was not separate from it either. I was, how did she phrase it? Not quite one thing and not quite the other. On my first day, she taught me how to spank on one of her charges. Apparently, she had been feeling me out during our correspondence and prepared for my likely enjoyment of the activities. As part of my dissertation, she trained me. I experienced everything from both sides. It was not a sexual relationship in a traditional sense, something more like my interactions with Mr. Blackwall.”

“Thom,” I correct him.

Solas nods, “Thom. It…my friends were charismatic and handsome and I was in my mid-twenties and already bald. Shy. Dry-humored. I preferred pages to people. In those rooms I was free. All of the energy and passion could manifest unhampered. No one judged me, looked at me like I was different or undesirable. In fact, my detailed peculiarities were appreciated, sought out. I could be everything I had ever wanted to be. Strong and strict, tender and caring, and extremely learned. Dominant. Wanted.”

He had felt like he was undesirable and it led him to find freedom in this. To be fair, I felt similarly and he granted me the same release.

“The community took care of me after the death of my parents. Mythal is something of a mother to me. And, when space opened up, they asked me to take on the mask of Fen’harel,” his brow twitches with some of that pride. “She was proud of the man I had become.”

I frown, “she secretly tested you and then trained you to be a dom?”

“I became an Eluvian Master,” he looks down at me with a familiar challenge in his eyes. “I wanted all of it. It was a possibility I had not known existed. I would be the best and Mythal helped make it so.”

“I guess it all worked out for you,” I chuckled darkly, “fantastic academic start and Master.”

The lines in Solas’ face deepened, “it did not. I was unaware of all that I was missing until we met. I had thought I could not be all of myself at once and that I _had_ to be an inoffensive researcher _or_ unashamed dominant. I found Solas lacking in favor of the mask. Until…” he sighed, “until you somehow loved me as both. I realized how short-sighted I had been. For months, I had been telling myself I could be separate from you. I could be just your colleague during the day and your wolf on the weekends. I was infinitely wrong. I loved you regardless of the time or day and you loved me too.”

“I did Solas,” I whisper, “I loved you…and you know and you still lied to me.”

“I was going to tell you,” he says in explanation or weak defense I can’t really tell which. “At dinner. I was going to tell you.”

I narrow my eyes at him, unsure if this is yet another lie, but permitting him an explanation before I call him traitor once more. “Because of Alistair?”

He pinches the bridge of his nose, “I planned on it before. Before you left….before he attempted to force my hand.”

“You asked me after I had gotten back from the wedding,” I point out.

Solas nods and continued, “I decided after you had forgiven me for abruptly leaving your apartment. To explain myself. And then there was the wedding invitation and reemergence of the Inquisition. You already had so much weight to bear that it needed to wait,” he corrects himself, “that I thought it should wait…I wanted to wait”

He drops his hands to his side, closing his eyes, “I thought that if everything was perfect—the food, the house, me—it…After dinner, I would hold you close and tell you how much you meant to me…how you had mended my spirit…and then I would tell you. The truth…it would seem more palatable after being close together and loving…you might even be happy.”

The man standing in front of me seems so entirely broken. I had never seen anything but glimpses at him near anything like this. Solas was open and tender and painfully vulnerable. Responsible for his own guilt and my pain. Telling me the truth about all of it.

He is trying.

“At the wedding,” I whisper, “you came to be with me.”

He nods, “I did have a keynote scheduled. As soon as my talk was over I caught the next flight. You should never have had to do that alone.”

“Alistair was there.”

“Yes, he was,” Solas admits.

I watch him, the sadness and tension, and I continue to question. “Why did you not come as yourself? Why did you come masked? All I wanted was you.”

He heaves a sigh that betrays some amount of regret, “you worried about the safety of those around you. Had I arrived as myself, it could have led to more stress for you or some outing of myself before I was ready. I thought it best to remain as anonymous as possible and be your confidant.”

“Besides,” Solas continues, but with a sharpness to his words, “I had asked you if you wanted me there multiple times and you declined. I still wanted to support you, make sure you were alright. So, Fen’harel attended you. Had you told me you wanted me I would have been there; I had told you as much.”

“Oh.” I _did_ tell him I didn’t want him to trouble himself and come to the wedding. I _was_ worried about him. “You didn’t come because I told you not to…but then you did come anyway.”

“Did you _not_ want me there?” Solas arches a brow.

“I did,” I frown not quite sure what else to say. “Thank you for coming…it was a wonderful evening with you.”

“You could become the Queen,” He says quietly. “Be safe. Have anything you wanted.” It is an argument we’ve had both with and without masks, but this time it feels like it has some gravity to it.

“ _Should_ I marry Alistar?” I wonder pointedly.

“Yes,” Solas answers simply.

“Oh. I see.” My heart drops, but then frustration stirs again, “You promised to be truthful. Is-- is that what you want?”

Solas straightens, his intense eyes locking onto mine, “The question was if you _should_ marry Alistar. Yes. You should. It is a prudent choice that has many benefits for you. You did not ask me if your marrying that man is what I _want_. Do I _want_ you to marry another man and move across the nation? No. It is not what I desire.” Some of the pointed annoyance in his response dies away, “what I want does not matter.”

“I will extend you that luxury which you denied me.” I spat back, “I am being honest; trying to understand what is going on here!”

“Do you love the King?” Solas asks quietly.

I shake my head, answering without pause, “Not in that way. He is a dear friend.  I could…eventually. Isn’t that the way of most political marriages?”

“Alistair is a good man,” he admits without spite or judgment.

“I know.”

I press my lips together. It’s all so sad…this…thing that we became or are or never were, to begin with. It could have been sweet and loving; a perfect meeting of hearts in this world. Instead, it was lies and pain.

My eyes close and I rest my head back, letting myself be flooded with the hopeful hopelessness inside. “How did we end up here?”

Solas shifts at the side of my bed and slowly speaks, “because I thought I knew better than everyone. My pride blinded me to the inevitable destruction I was sending us toward.”

Then everything is quiet again.

“I should have told you,” he breathes shakily, “the moment I knew. I should have told you.”

He should have told me the truth. He should have told me he loved me. He should have put an end it to it.

He didn’t.

“You had every opportunity to, Solas,” I force back the tears stubbornly forming at the corners of my eyes, “it would have been—I would have been happy that you were…that he was you. But you hid it from me. You didn’t trust me with you and me—I gave you all of me.”

“I was wrong.” He says, “I am sorry.” And he means it.

“I cannot choose whether I love you. I cannot choose if I trust you. Maybe some can, but I cannot.” I whimper.

“…. Do you?” Solas wonders, hoping for a second.

I sigh and open my eyes, “I love you with all that I am, but I do not know if I can trust a single word that escapes your lips from now on.”

Solas rubs his forehead, “I do not deserve your love. I never did.”

“Good thing you don’t get to make that choice for me,” I hiss.

He puts his hands behind his back in that way he has, “I could cease to exist to you.”

“Fuck, Solas! Do you _want_ me to tell you to leave? Is that it? Will that somehow make you feel better about yourself to just pretend none of this ever happened!?”

“What do you want from me?!”

“I want you to show me that you respect me enough to tell me the truth, just for this instance. That you want me. Or maybe that you don’t. I don’t know. Give me something!”

Solas quiets, stilling into something serious and sad. “I love you. I love you more than I could possibly love anyone or anything. You are my very soul, Maellana. I almost lost you and…it was my fault. The very idea tore me apart at the seams. I care more about your existence and your happiness than anything else in this world. I will do whatever it takes for you to thrive even if it means never seeing you again. You have left an indelible mark on my heart; I could _never_ pretend none of this happened.”

“I love you,” he repeats, praying the words with the fervor of a convert.

And I think he means every word.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize earnestly, “about your suspension at the university.”

He smiles softly, “no, Mae, they were right to. Had I been honest with you, I could have been honest with them. Arrangements would have been made to protect you. I am entirely responsible for my own disciplining.”

I want to tell him that Alistair and Vivienne are responsible for his outing, but assume he probably already knows.

“There is no part of this that requires your apologies,” Solas assures me, “you are honest and kind and brave. Every wrong turn happened because of me.”

He clasps his hands in front of him, entirely vulnerable again, “I do not deserve your compassion, but I would spend the rest of my life trying to regain your good favor…if that is what you desired.”

My heart sinks and I actually feel like I might vomit. With a single word, I could have him back. We could love each other openly and—and it hurts. Everything hurts. My body. My heart. My soul. I do not want what we had back. I want something we never were able to attain.

“No.” I shake my head.

Solas withers in front of me, shoulders rolling down, “I understand.” He takes a step back as if to leave.  

I plow forward with an explanation, “Good favor is not something won through some kind of indentured servitude. No. I will not have any kind of relationship, platonic or otherwise, that is based on some kind of attainment. _No_. If we—If _anything_ —it is equality or nothing. No more lies. We cannot start from where we were. It is…hollow to me now.”

The man is quiet, studying me with those piercing eyes. The ones I should have recognized as being him.

He _wants_ something.

“…and what of everything else?” Solas stops his egress.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

I don’t know if I will marry Alistair.  I don’t know if I will be able to mend the hurt caused by Solas’ lies. I don’t know if I can stop loving the man standing in front of me.

I do know that I am whole even with all the pain.

I survived.

I will free everyone from the grasp of the Inquisition or I will die trying.

I take a deep breath and the corners of my lips raise slightly, “Well, I do know one thing. I would like some coffee if you wouldn’t mind.”

Solas laughs heartily surprised by my request and edge of levity, “I believe I could sneak some past your nurse.”

He turns to go, this time without as much weight…and something like hope in his step.

“Solas,” I interrupt quickly.

He stops and looks back expectantly, waiting for some more instructions about my coffee perhaps.

“How do you feel about rebellion?”

 

The End. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally here. The end of this work. Thank you for reading Mae's tale and supporting this journey. You mean the world to me, dear readers, and I am incredibly happy to finally be able to finish this for you! I hope the ending does it justice; ultimately it is Mae's story and I wanted her to be her own hero. Whatever path she takes she gets to choose it herself and knowing all that it entails.   
> I hope you have a fantastic and safe holiday season. I love you very much. Never forget that you are beautiful in every way and no matter what happens you can be your own hero too.


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